


It's Not You

by fanCAT_not_fanGIRL



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Awkwardness, Beta'd by my amazing sister, College AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Soulmate AU, Tiny bit of John Winchester, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:30:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 52,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23400748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanCAT_not_fanGIRL/pseuds/fanCAT_not_fanGIRL
Summary: College soulmate au where the last name of your soulmate is tatooed on your arm since birth. Castiel Novak has the word "Winchester" on his wrist. He goes to college and meets his roommate, Sam, who has the word "Novak" on his wrist. They don't feel anything towards each other and think it must be a mistake. That is, until they meet the others' brother.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Claire is Cas's mom in this, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Destiel, Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Sabriel - Relationship
Comments: 96
Kudos: 292





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> idk how many parts I’m going to make this so we’ll cross that bridge when we get there :)

“Do you have everything?”

“Yes mom.”

“Your textbooks? Your clothes? Toothbrush?”

“Yes mom.”

“Oh my god do you have the-“

“Yes mom, I brought one extra sock just in case I lose one from the other pairs.”

Cas’s mother was fussing, as all mothers do. He’d gotten accepted to one of the most prestigious law schools in the state, and his mother had gone crazy packing and helping him get ready. Although he was sad to go, it was a bit of a relief for Cas to get away from his quiet house and his lonely mother. He’d actually get to talk about something other than knitting and crocheting for a while. He turned back to his mom, who was staring at him with tears in her eyes.

“My little angel is going off to college!”

Cas sighed and smiled, his face turning red. The nickname had stuck from his childhood, and he just couldn’t get her to stop calling him that.

His mother’s eyes suddenly went comically wide and she gasped. Lowering her voice to a whisper, she beckoned Cas towards her and said, “You tell me if you meet her, hmm? The one.” The wiggled her eyebrows and continued in the all to familiar cooing voice. “The Winchester.”

Cas cleared his throat and looked away. He’d been born with the name Winchester as a constant reminder on his wrist. His soulmate’s last name. He hadn’t met her yet, though. Not many do until they’re in the twenties. Cas could wait that long, but his mother obviously couldn’t. People didn’t usually tell others about the name on their wrists, but Cas was incredibly close to his mother. She was ecstatic about the girl, guessing at names and eye colors and the amount of siblings his soulmate had. Nothing really seemed to feel right, though. Cas would have felt it if his mother got her name right. But it wasn’t Jessica, or Marina, or Kayla, or Sydney. Nothing felt right. 

To be honest, Cas hoped that nothing ever would feel right. Having a soulmate meant having a responsibility to entertain them and love them. Cas would rather spend his time focusing on his school work. His mother firmly tried to convince him otherwise any chance she got.

A hand on his arm brought him back to reality. Cas realized that his mother was still waiting for an answer.

“Umm yeah mom. I’ll tell you if I meet her.”

“Not if.” His mother said. “When.”

He gave her another smile and she wrapped her arms around him, pressing a kiss on his cheek.

“I’ll miss you Cas”

“I’ll miss you too mom.” He pecked her on the cheek, untangling himself from her teary grip and picking up his bags.

Castiel Novak took a deep breath. College here I come.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so here's part two where we actually have them meeting mwa ha ha prepare yourself for awkwardnesssss

He was going to like it here. That’s the first thing that Castiel Novak decided to himself as he arrived by bus on campus. He was definitely going to like it here. 

The campus was huge, with courtyards and parks and so much green. Cas was already cataloguing in his mind all the places he could possibly study. There was a nice bench by the entrance, but the oak tree a few yards down was looking very inviting. But then again, he could bring a blanket and spread out on the front lawn, where he could see dozens of students doing so already.

The freshmen were sent on a tour first. The cafeteria was large, which Cas liked. There was so much to choose from but what he was really looking for were- yes! Cas did a mental dance as he found the hamburgers. 

They then moved to the classrooms, then the lobby, then the bathrooms and locker rooms, and finally the library. Everything was so spacious and grand and Cas knew that he was absolutely going to love it here. Plenty of places that he could coop up and read for hours, not being bothered by anyone.

The tour ended far too quickly for Cas’s liking, but he was a bit relieved to get away from all the people, talking and yelling but just as excited as he was. The only thing was that they were more prone to shouting their excitement to anyone and everyone that could hear instead of keeping it to themselves. Cas broke from the group and went to find his dorm.

Cas strode down the enormous hallways, following the directions one of the teachers gave him. Room 404. Cas chanted the number in his head as he navigated the campus until finally, he arrived. He stopped and stared at the small engraving on the door. He took a deep breath. 

Taking out his key, Cas opened the door. And stared. It was final. He loved it. The room was divided in half, which meant that he got one side entirely to himself. He had his own little bed, a desk, and a closet. The desk had a little lamp, and once opened, the closet had more than enough room to hold all of his things. Glancing at his roommates' side of the room, Cas noticed that he had already made himself at home. Posters and photographs lined the wall, and the desk was piled high with notebooks. His closet was open, and things were scattered all over the place. The drawers were packed with clothes, and Cas mentally flinched at the disorganized nature of his roommate.

Cas hadn’t even noticed that someone walked in behind him until he felt a hand on his shoulder and whirled around. He was met with a shirt. Someone was obviously inhabiting the shirt, but the view Cas had was purely made out of shirt. He looked at the hand on his shoulder, and followed the arm up up up until he was almost craning his head to look at the newcomer. Shaggy hair and a smiling face is what greeted Cas.

“Hi!” The voice of this incredibly tall person was fitting in a strange way. It wasn’t as deep as Cas thought it would be, but it worked well with the boy’s face, which looked more like a happy puppy. 

The boy stepped back and gave Cas some room, which was greatly appreciated. 

“Hi.”

The puppy boy grinned wider, although Cas couldn’t believe that it was possible to stretch that smile bigger than it already was. Cas didn’t know how much he loved his college now. He realized that he had been hoping for a small quiet roommate, like Cas himself. One that wouldn’t bother him or feel the need to start conversations. It was obvious that the puppy boy was the opposite.

“My name is Sam.” The puppy b- Sam said. He stretched out a hand. “Sam Winchester.”

The world stopped. It stopped spinning, it stopped rotating, it stopped utterly and completely and just stood still because this couldn’t be happening.

“I’m sorry? You- I don’t-” Cas was stumbling over his words. Not willing to believe it. His soulmate was a boy. Not that Cas was surprised that his soulmate wasn’t a girl, because for a while now he’s known that his feelings towards females weren’t romantic, but this? This boy? This boy who was towering over Cas and had a concerned look on his puppy face now. This boy who Cas swore he didn’t feel anything towards. No attraction, no great pull of destiny. Nothing. Nothing like what his mother told him he’d feel. This boy who was the opposite of everything Cas stood for.

“Are you ok?” Sam asked him. The answer was clearly no. Sam frowned and was about to ask a follow up question, when Cas stretched out his own arm and rolled up his sleeve, revealing the single life changing word on his wrist. Winchester.

Sam stopped and stared. He was completely frozen now, the only movement was in his eyes, that were darting from Cas’s face, then to his wrist, back to his face. He slowly rolled up his own sleeve, showing Cas his own small imprint. Novak.

“Well this is awkward.”

They were screwed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idk how to sum this up. Just read it

The first few weeks of college were the most awkward and tense weeks of Castiel Novak’s entire life. 

He and Sam avoided each other like the plague. They would exchange nods every so often, but never actually spoke to the other. They would avert their eyes in the halls, and Cas thanked God that he was in only one of Sam’s classes, which was ironically called Business Associations. The boys were paired together for one of their first projects in that class, and couldn’t even meet the other’s eye. They reached a (silent) agreement that Cas would do most of the work and create the presentation, while Sam would actually do most of the presenting in class. Cas didn’t mind. He worked better alone anyway.

Somewhere about three weeks into the semester, Cas came into his dorm and was surprised to see Sam pacing, almost rubbing dents into their floor. He warily put his books down and at Sam’s nod, he sat down on the bed. There was an awkward moment of silence.

Sam cleared his throat loudly. “So. Castiel. Cas, I mean. Is it ok if I call you that?” Cas nodded. If possible, Sam looked even more uncomfortable. His giant moose form dwarfed his bed, and Cas couldn’t help but wonder how he slept at night. There was no way that his entire body fit on that tiny mattress.

“Ok I’m just gonna get this out there.” Sam said with a whoosh of breath. “It’s obvious that you have my last name and I have your last name, but I don’t feel anything towards you, and you don’t feel anything towards me. Right?” Cas nodded again.

There was a sigh of relief from his roommate. “Good. Well, not good, but it’s good that we straightened that out. So. It’s probably a mistake, right? Do those happen?” Cas shrugged, still staying silent. 

Sam ran a hand through his mop of hair and continued. “This is super awkward. Is it just me?” Cas shook his head.

“Ok… ok that’s- that’s good.” He seemed to be having trouble getting the words out. Cas thought that it wasn’t often that Sam got flustered. Feeling a twinge of pity, Cas finally spoke. 

“I really don’t want you to take this the wrong way but I’m really hoping that they made a mistake and can we just be friends?” Came the rush of words from Sam, just as Cas said, “Let’s just be friends.”

They stared at each other for a moment. Then a small smile appeared on Sam’s face.

“Yeah. Yeah I’d like that.” 

It seemed as if Sam’s shoulders were carrying the weight of the world before now, and he visibly relaxed. Cas realized that it was the same way with him. He felt lighter now, not burdened anymore with the constant worry of his soulmate nagging at him. There was probably a mistake, which Cas didn’t mind. He was better off without any soulmates, if he was being honest. Too much stress to add to his already loaded-with-schoolwork schedule.

As if reading his mind, Sam stood up and declared that he was off to the library, striding out the dorm. But before he closed the door behind him, Cas called out his name. Pushing the door back open, Sam’s carefree look now held a trace of worry. 

“How do you fit onto your bed?”

Sam’s features relaxed and he let out a booming laugh. 

“I can tell we’re going to be great friends, Castiel Novak.”


	4. Chapter 4

Cas was never more glad in his life that he’d talked to Sam about their soulmate issue. After both of them decided that they’d just be friends, Cas’s life became much easier. And, he wasn’t going to lie, it also became much more fun. 

Sam introduced him to some of his friends. There was Bobby, a senior at the college, who knew absolutely everything about every subject imaginable. Cas liked him, and they’d often spend hours discussing topics far more interesting than knitting and crocheting. Then there was Kevin, a sophomore. Cas and Kevin hit it off immediately, as both boys preferred the company of books than that of people. There was also Charlie, a freshman like Cas. Sam was obviously very close with her, and after a while Cas started viewing her as a younger sister. Unlike Cas, she was extremely talkative, and was very interested in gaming and computers, everything Cas was not. Despite this, she was very adorable and Cas enjoyed his time spent with her.

Sam himself was great. Once they got past the initial awkwardness of their situation, Cas and Sam became inseparable. They’d spend hours watching movies or just simply talking together. Cas told Sam about his mother and her love for crochet. He also told Sam about how lonely he felt back at home, and how glad he was that he now had friends at college. Sam, in turn, told Cas about his own family. How his mother had died in a house fire when he was still a baby, and his father had moved them around the country a lot, slowly becoming an alcoholic. 

What Cas noticed Sam talked the most about was his brother. Dean Winchester. The brother who practically raised Sam. Cas’s roommate never had a bad thing to say about him. Sam would bring him up whenever he could. They’d be studying for a test and Sam would tell Cas about how Dean would help him make flashcards for tests when he was a kid. Then Sam and Cas would be eating in the cafeteria and Sam would launch into a story about a time Dean took a bet and ate seven hamburgers in a row, thus earning the Winchester brothers $50. Bobby would sometimes join into these stories, and Cas soon realized that the senior was a close family friend of the Winchesters. Bobby and Sam would go on and on about Dean, and Cas was starting to get curious about this famed brother of Sam’s.

Out of interest, Cas had asked Sam what his brother’s soulmate name was. Sam blushed and told Cas that his brother never showed him, preferring to keep it a secret. Cas for the life of him couldn’t figure out why he was disappointed.

When asked about his own family, Cas was a little reluctant to share. Unlike Sam, all Cas’s brothers did was fight and play pranks on each other. But, Sam didn’t seem to mind. To Cas’s surprise, Sam enjoyed listening to the drama that went on in the Novak house. He gaped, wide-eyed, when Cas told him about the time his two older brothers, Michael and Lucifer, got into it one night, resulting in a broken rib and punched out teeth. He was shocked when Cas told him about how Raphael walked out on his family as soon as he got to 16. He giggled and laughed when Cas told him about the time Gabriel had dyed their milk green for St. Patrick’s Day and videotaped the family as they simultaneously shrieked at the sight of the odd colored milk the next day.

If he was being honest, remembering those stories made Cas miss his brothers, who he didn’t think about often. It’s not as if he didn’t love them. No, Cas loved his family a lot. But he could do without the drama. 

Which was why when Sam proposed that on Columbus Day (when there were no classes) they invite their families to campus, Cas hesitated. 

“C’mon, Cas. It’ll be fun! I’ve been dying to meet your relatives!” 

And because Sam gave him those big puppy dog eyes, and because Cas himself was curious about meeting Dean Winchester, he agreed. But, knowing that having his entire family in one room would be chaos, he convinced Sam to let him invite only one of his brothers. The obvious choice was Gabriel, who after the promise of free food agreed to go.

***

The day arrived, and Gabriel was late. Cas wasn’t surprised, though. Gabe never made it anywhere on time. Dean, on the other hand, pulled up to the college at 11am sharp in a gleaming black 1967 Chevy Impala. Cas admired the flashy car from the window of his dorm and tried to contain his excitement. He was finally going to meet this Dean Winchester. Sandwich Maker Extraordinaire. Professional Car Fixer. Best Big Brother in the Whole Entire World Dean Winchester.

Sam evidently was also trying to contain his excitement. But in his case, he was failing. Miserably. He was pacing the room, straightening and restraightening his books. The bed had been made at least seven separate times now, each time looking no different than the last. Cas saw Sam glancing at his half of the room every so often, and to ease his roommate’s mind, Cas remade his bed and reorganized his books twice. Just in case.

A knock on the door. Sam was grinning like a maniac and almost squealed with excitement as he bounced across the room. 

“You’re gonna love him!” He mouthed to Cas and opened the door.

Well shit.

Sam might have been more right about that than he thought.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to switch it up a bit and have this chapter be in Dean's POV. I hope y'all enjoy some flustered Dean bc there's lots of it! Coming soon to theate- I mean fanfic platforms near you!

The two hour car ride to Sam’s college was probably the longest car ride Dean had ever been on. He hadn’t seen his brother in over three weeks, and although he’d never admit it to Sam, Dean missed his little brother like crazy. He missed hearing Sam laugh at his poor excuses for jokes, he missed Sam’s strange fun facts about everything, he missed Sam sitting in the car, by his side. Dean just missed Sam.

It simply wasn’t the same without him. Yes, Sam still texted Dean constantly throughout the day, but Dean wanted to have a conversation with his brother face to face. He wanted to talk to Sam about his classes, he wanted to tour the school, he wanted to meet Sam’s friends. In particular though, for reasons Dean couldn’t explain, he wanted to meet this Cas fellow. He was all Sam ever texted about. “Dean, Cas is so smart, you wouldn’t believe it!” “Dean, did you know that Cas brought an extra sock, just in case he loses one from another pair?” “Dean, Cas is so neat! He helped me reorganize my closet, and I found that shirt you got me for my birthday a few years ago! Remember? The one I thought I lost?” “Dean, can you believe it? There was a cat stuck in the tree right in front of the main entrance and Cas just scaled that tree like it was no problem and got the cat down!” Dean was now incredibly curious about Cas. He and his brother knew many decent people, and if this particular person had Sam so riled up, Cas must be one hell of a guy.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief as he pulled into the parking lot of the college. The impatient and seemingly endless two hours were left in the dust. Dean got out of the Impala and strode towards the front entrance. Glancing left and right, Dean couldn’t help but admire the campus. There was a big lawn stretching around the building, and park benches were scattered along the paths. He smiled to himself and knew that Sam probably spent hours reading here. There were students sprawled on picnic blankets and sitting under trees. Speaking of trees, Dean spotted what was obviously the tree the cat got stuck in. Growing almost right on top of the front doors, this tree was enormous. If this Cas guy could climb a tree like this, hell, he could do anything.

After getting instructions from a teacher, Dean navigated the halls, embarrassed at how many times he got lost. Room 404. He repeated the number in his head. Aha. Finally. He could almost see Sam on the other side of the door, pacing. Smiling, Dean brought his hand up to knock, and the door swung open before he even finished the first one.

Dean was greeted by an onslaught of hugs and flannels. The happiness and excitement was radiating in waves off of his little brother, who he wrapped his arms tight around. Dean literally ached with joy as he pulled back and examined Sam, who was obviously doing the same.

“I knew you’d grow, but I didn’t expect you to gain three yards on me, Sammy.” Sam laughed and looked down sheepishly. He didn’t even bother correcting Dean, which Dean would definitely make fun of him for later. Reaching his hand up and realizing that three weeks ago he didn’t have to stretch his arm nearly so much to do so, Dean ruffled his little brother’s hair. “You look like a mop, all skin and bones down below and this explosion of spaghetti up top.”

He heard a soft laugh behind Sam, whose eyes widened and lit up as he stepped back and gestured behind him. “Dean, this is Cas! The one I told you so much about!” Bounding over to Cas, Sam leaned in and as though he was introducing a rock star onto the stage, announced, “Cas, this is Dean! My big brother!”

At any other time, Dean would have been flattered at the amount of pride in Sam’s voice, but this time, he was too focused on the freshman in front of him. Cas. The one who looked absolutely nothing like Dean thought he would. But, Dean had to admit, the name suited him. He was short, much shorter than Sam, and wearing a sweater that on anyone else would have looked atrocious. But it just worked for him somehow. His hair was ruffled and wind swept and oh so dark and Dean had the strange urge to run his hands through it. Dean’s heart almost stopped at the sight of Cas’s eyes. They were undoubtedly the brightest blue Dean had ever seen. Brighter than the sky, brighter than the ocean, brighter than any blue in the world. And those gorgeous eyes were staring right back at him. 

Nothing moved. It seemed as if everything stopped. It was only him and this indescribable cute college student that Dean didn’t know he needed until now.

Them and Sam. Who was looking back and forth between the two, incredibly confused. Unbeknownst to them, Sam had been talking this entire time. He waved his hand in front of Dean’s face, who finally snapped out of his trance and looked up at his brother. 

“Hellooo? Earth to Dean? I asked you if you wanted to take a tour of the campus?” 

It took Dean a moment to process the words, because his eyes snapped back to Cas the first chance they got. Cas, who kept staring and staring at Dean with those blue eyes. 

“Dean, are you listening?” Came Sam’s voice. Again. 

“What? Oh. Ummm yeah. Sure. Tour. Of the campus. Definitely.” Sam squinted suspiciously at Dean, then shook his head and turned to Cas. “I promise he’s not like this all the time. Do you want to come with us?”

“Yes.” Dean blurted, at the same time that Cas looked down and mumbled a soft, “It’s ok, you guys can go without me.”

There was a long, awkward silence. 

“I mean, if you want-” Cas started, but again at the same time Dean stumbled over the words, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Another awkward silence. 

Sam was evidently the only one who was finding this amusing, and he gave an exasperated laugh as he hooked one arm through Cas’s and the other through Dean’s, leading them out the room. 

'Well.' Dean decided. 'This ought to be good.'


	6. Chapter 6

Dean couldn’t for the life of him understand how the hell this freshman was so damn cute. His hair was so (Dean couldn’t believe he was using the word) voluminous. It bounced at every step, and Dean couldn’t keep his eyes off it. Oh how he wanted to run his hands through it. He could almost feel the silky strands on his fingers. And speaking of eyes, it was like every color blue had been combined, glazed, and inserted into Cas’s cute face. A face that lit up like the sun whenever someone passing by in the halls would say hi to it. A face that looked down and blushed whenever it caught Dean looking at it. A face that was so round and sweet and perfect-

Jesus Christ. Dean realized that he sounded like a schoolgirl with a crush. Exactly like the ones Dean would see on crappy TV shows, ones that would doodle all over their notebooks, drawing little hearts and rainbows all over their crush’s name. Dean suddenly wondered if Cas ever had any crushes. If he ever sat down in math class and doodled the name of his soulmate on the cover of his notebook. Dean mentally shook himself for not asking Sam what the imprint on Cas’s wrist was. Then rethinking it, Dean instead mentally pat himself on the back, because that would have been too obvious. In fact, he was being a bit too obvious now, glancing to his left every few seconds, where he and the incredibly cute freshman would lock eyes and look away, blushing, only to repeat the process a few moments later.

All the while, though, an oblivious Sam was leading them through the halls. Making a left turn here, turning right there, navigating the maze of classrooms and hallways. He’d point to something they’d be passing by and start explaining, or stop them at one classroom or another and launch into a story. But Dean couldn’t concentrate. All he saw were those blue eyes and bouncy hair, along with the extremely adorably flustered looks Cas kept sending him. Sam was (thankfully) blind to the entire affair. He acted like nothing was wrong, and moved to say hello to friends, wave to teachers, and keep up a steady string of words that didn’t make any sense to Dean. 

He had now led the group outside, right to the tree Dean noticed on his way into the building not so long ago. His eyes lit up as he attempted to reenact Cas’s daring crusade to save the cat, only earning himself a few laughs from Dean and the surrounding students and an incredibly embarrassed look from Cas. Dean didn’t know how this creature managed to look so flustered and cute at the same time. Again, Dean found himself wondering about the freshman’s soulmate. Had they met? Did Cas know who his soulmate was? And then there was a lingering thought in the back of Dean’s mind that was, was Cas’s soulmate a girl? 

Too wrapped up in his thoughts, Dean didn’t even notice when his name was called by Bobby, who had walked out of the school and immediately made a beeline towards the Winchesters, pulling Dean into a rough embrace. The movement shocked Dean out of his schoolgirl thoughts, and he had to remember where he was for a moment. By the time he actually realized that Bobby was talking, he had missed nearly everything the older student had said. With both Sam and Bobby looking at him expectantly, Dean figured that the best thing would be to nod and agree. 

Bobby barked out a laugh. “Well I never! Dean ‘You Touch My Car And Die’ Winchester is tired of taking care of his one and only favorite thing in the entire world? I thought I’d never see the day that-”

“I’m sorry what? My car?” The blank eyed stare that Dean gave the others must really have been fucking clueless, because Sam and Bobby immediately starting cracking up. Still incredibly confused, Dean risked a glance to Cas, who also looked like he had no idea what was going on.

“You sure know how to mess with me, idjit.” Bobby clapped him on the shoulder, preventing any more mooning over Cas. He nodded at the boys and proceeded to shoulder the bag he was carrying, striding past them and towards his pickup truck.

“Dean? Hey Dean?”

“Hmm? You say something?”

Sam rolled his eyes at his brother. “Bobby said he was going to get lunch and I asked you if you wanted to eat, too.”

“Sure. Yeah. Go eat.” Sam gave him a look. Crap. Sam definitely knows something’s up.

Thankfully the food trucks standing outside the college weren’t far from the front of the school, making the walk there short and not as awkward as it could have been. Dean’s mind was taken off of Cas the moment he saw the dozens of food trucks lined up, and he gaped at the enormous food selection. There was a salad truck (that Dean knew Sam probably almost lived in), a taco truck, a sandwich truck, a sushi truck, and AHA! Immediately starting for the burger truck, Dean then proceeded to visit almost every one, getting himself a bit of everything. He found his way to the table on the lawn that Sam and Cas claimed, and Sam laughed at the immense amount of food being precariously juggled by his brother. Dean doubled back and secured himself a slice of apple pie, half of which was gone by the time he made it to the table again. 

Sitting himself down with a content sigh, Dean started attacking his hoard, alternating between the tacos and burgers. Sam was staring at him in horror, probably trying to comprehend how his brother managed to inhale so much food without choking. Cas was still averting his eyes, not that Dean noticed, because he totally wasn’t staring at the freshman even while eating. 

“So, Dean.” Dean turned his gaze onto his brother, and before Sam could say anything else, mumbled through a mouthful of food, “How can you still eat that rabbit food, Sammy? I’m surprised you’re not green all over from the amount of grass you consume on a daily basis.”

Sam looked affronted at the thought of his beloved salad being referred to as ‘grass.’ Glaring at Dean, he shot back, “I’m surprised you’re not dead from the amount of fat YOU consume.” Dean snorted, and picked up his burger, biting into it slowly and closing his eyes in content, trying to get another huff out of Sam. He was successful, and his grin widened when he saw Cas’s smile out of the corner of his eye. Sam started talking again, and Dean made sure to pay attention this time, not wanting to repeat the incident with Bobby. 

“So, what I was GOING to say before you INTERRUPTED me was, how’s your job? Is it still as a bartender, or did you get fired?” Sam smirked. “Again.”

Making a face at his brother, Dean replied, “It wasn’t my fault this time-” Sam laughed and raised his eyebrow in skepticism. “It really wasn’t!” Dean insisted. “There was this bar fight between these two guys. They were brawling over who got to kiss this hot chick, and I mean HOT, Sammy. Don’t you give me that look. She was. Honest. So. Being the chivalrous, charming, prince to the rescue guy I am, I may or may not have jumped in to defend her honor, getting myself fired in the process.”

Sam barked out a laugh and rolled his eyes again. Dean noticed that Cas had lowered his gaze and was staring into his plate. He tried not to be disappointed.

“And now?” Sam prompted.

Dean sighed. “Now I got myself a crappy job as a mechanic at some random repair shop. The pay sucks and the people are fucking rude, but hey, I get by.”

Sam smiled sadly and admitted in a quiet voice, “Can’t you get a job closer to campus?” Oh Dean had thought about it before, he really did, because of how much he missed his younger brother. But he never acted on it, worried that he’d seem too overbearing. Noticing Cas intently listening to the brothers, Dean realized that he might just rethink his choice to work away from Sam.

But it’s not like Dean could have admitted all of that to Sam, instead going for an affectionate insult. “You know, Sam, I do have to take a break from your face once in a while.” The comment made Sam smile, and Dean smiled back. He turned back to his pie and suddenly heard a quiet voice from his left.

“Your eyes are so green.”

Dean froze, pie halfway to his mouth. His eyes snapped to Cas, whose entire face went beet red when he realized that he said it out loud. Not knowing what to say, Dean just stared. He was saved by Sam, who obviously didn’t hear what the freshman said. Sam had looked up and noticed Dean staring, causing him to also turn his head towards his roommate.

“Did you say something, Cas?” Cas blushed even more furiously and cleared his throat, getting up.

“I said I had to go to the bathroom.” He mumbled, and left the table to go back inside. Dean watched him leave and his heart sank. Sam, on the other hand, just shrugged and went back to eating his salad. 

Poking at his pie, Dean couldn’t find it in himself to eat. With Cas gone, even for a few minutes, Dean didn’t know where to look. There weren’t any sky blue eyes for him to watch, or bouncy black hair to stare at. No cute little nose, or rosy cheeks, or-

“Dean, I swear, something's bothering you today!” For the hundredth time that day, Dean was jolted from his thoughts and/or daydreams about Cas. 

“No. Nothing’s bothering me.” The bitch face Sam gave him put all of his previous bitch faces to shame. “Nothing except for the job at the mechanic’s crap shop. Have I mentioned what a douche my boss is?” Not looking completely convinced, Sam went back to his food.

After a while, Dean decided that he just had to know. Screw Sam and his opinions. So, obviously in the most casual manner possible, Dean cleared his throat and blurted, “Has Cas told you his soulmate’s name?”

Of all the things Dean was expecting, (a suspicious glare, a laugh, no answer at all, maybe), what he certainly wasn’t expecting was a blush. Sam ‘Don’t Call Me Sammy Because I’m A Big Boy’ Winchester blushed like a girl and squirmed in his seat. The mumbled “I don’t know” was said entirely too quickly and quietly, and Dean was about to start pestering him about it, but at that moment, Cas came back. He had with him in tow an even shorter person, but one who was obviously older and related to the (super cute) freshman. Dean saw Sam freeze and lower his fork.

With a flustered grin, Cas gestured to the newcomer and quietly proclaimed, “Hey guys, this is Gabriel. My older brother.” The short dude- Gabriel, Dean reminded himself, stepped forward and reached out a hand to Dean, smiling devilishly.

“Sup, broheim. Do you happen to be Cassy Pie’s roommate, or his roommate's brother that he won’t shut up about?”

Oh?

“Gabe.” Cas hissed. His brother put his hands up in mock surrender. Seeing Dean's face, he winked at Cas and whispered, “Ah, so it’s probably the brother.” Stepping around Dean, he stretched his hand out to Sam next, who was still frozen. “That means that you must be the roommate.” 

Sam’s dumbstruck face was the epitome of shock, and Dean tried to keep himself from laughing. His brother slowly reached out and shook Gabriel’s hand. They stayed like that for an uncomfortable while, until suddenly Sam stood up and declared that Gabe hadn’t yet seen the campus, and that he needed a tour. Right now. 

Abandoning his salad, Sam flew off with Gabe, leaving Dean alone with Cas. 

He was screwed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More awkward communication, up until the point that they're not so awkward anymore ;)

They sat in silence for a bit, finishing their food. 

Scared that if he’d look up he’d find Cas staring back at him with those big blue eyes, Dean kept his head down, pretending to look at the remaining pie on his plate. Only, once they were done, he didn’t have any more excuses not to look at Cas. So, steeling himself, Dean raised his head and immediately found Cas’s eyes, that glanced away the moment they met. Clearing his throat, Dean decided that the only way out of this steaming pile of shit was through.

“So. Cas.” The freshman’s head swiveled towards Dean, who desperately tried not to lose his nerve. “Sam tells me that you bring an extra sock everywhere you go, just in case you lose one from another pair.” 

Cas blushed furiously (awwww) and started fiddling with the edges of his sleeve. There was a word, a name maybe, stitched into the underside of his sleeve, but Dean couldn’t make out what it said. He focused instead on Cas’s face. “My mom makes me bring an extra because she knows that whenever I go somewhere, I always lose one sock.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “Always?” A nod from Cas.

“Always always? As in, not once in your entire life have you gone on a trip somewhere and not lost a sock?” 

Another nod. “Well then the Sock God up in Sock Heaven must really hate you, Cas.” 

Dean loved the way the name rolled off his tongue. What he loved even more, though, was the small smile and laugh that Cas let out. Just for him. Now feeling incredibly pleased with himself, Dean bravely asked another question.

“And is it true that you have a vinyl record signed by the one and only Bruno Mars?” At this, Cas got this adorable proud look on this face and he nodded. 

“I went to one of his concerts for my sixteenth birthday and my mom got us backstage passes. That’s where I got him to sign it.” He then added quietly, “I’ve kinda been obsessed with him since I was little.”

“Did you bring it with you?”

Looking a little surprised, Cas nodded. Taking a deep breath and shyly looking down, he asked, “Do you want to see?”

Grinning from ear to ear, Dean said, “I’d like that.”

***

Back in the dorm room, which looked like it came straight from a magazine because it was so clean, Cas walked over to his bed and the record hanging above his pillow. Taking it off of the wall like it was the Mona Lisa, he gingerly cradled it in his arms and walked over to Dean. 

“Be careful.” He whispered as he offered it into Dean’s outstretched hands. Nodding, Dean held the vinyl record with the scribbled ‘Bruno Mars’ in the center. It was heavier than he expected. Heavier and a lot more rough. Examining it for a few seconds, he then silently handed it back to Cas, who looked thoroughly relieved that it was finally back in his care. Even then, the cute look of worry never truly left the freshman’s face until he record was safely hanging back on the wall. Oh but how adorable he looked when he was worried. His forehead scrunched up, and his nose twitched, and he shifted from foot to foot, and Dean decided that he should probably stop mooning over Cas and say something.

“I know how to play some of his songs on the guitar.” Cas obviously wasn’t expecting Dean to start talking, and he jumped a little at the sound of his voice. Dean fought back a smile and continued. “I’ve been playing the guitar for a while now, since Sammy was little.” He sat down on Sam’s bed, wincing a bit at how far down he sank into the mattress.

“Did he ever tell you that the only way he would be able to fall asleep when he was a kid was if I sang to him?” 

Cas shook his head with a small smile and in turn sat down across from Dean on his own mattress.

“Well, it’s true. And one day there was this guitar up for grabs outside this house that was for sale, and I decided ‘What the hell, I sing to him anyway. Might as well learn to play the guitar while I’m at it’, and snatched that wooden piece of junk from the driveway.” Smiling at the memory, Dean shrugged. “It’s still the same guitar I play now. She’s never let me down.”

He heard Cas stifle a laugh. “She?”

“Yeah. She. If my car is Baby, then my guitar is Baby 2.0.”

The giggle that left Cas’s mouth made the entire room brighter. Dean suddenly made it his life’s mission to make this freshman smile and laugh as much as physically possible. Starting now.

“Hey, did Sammy ever tell you about the time that he got invited to this chick’s middle school Halloween party? And he thought that she was oh so pretty and got so nervous, that when he went to go bob for apples and show her how ‘much of a man he was’, he threw up all over her?”

Cas stared at him for a second before bursting into laughter. Dean couldn’t have been happier. Making a split second decision, he got up and moved across the room to sit down next to Cas on his bed. Cas looked a little shocked at first, but then Dean launched into another story that had Cas almost rolling on the floor with laughter, making Dean the luckiest man alive.

“What about you?”

Cas looked up, still smiling but now a bit confused. “What about me?”

“Has my little brother done anything stupid around you?”

A slow smile spread across Cas’s face and he started telling Dean about the time that the boys had accidentally left their window open and a bird had flown in. Sam had apparently tried to shoo it out, but it had pecked him in the face, causing him to run out and come back a few minutes later with a broom, then proceeding to chase the bird around the dorm room. At one point in the story, Cas had stood up and pointed to a small indent in the wall, explaining how Sam had swung the broom towards the bird but missed, instead hitting the wall. Demonstrating Sam’s furious running back and forth, Cas had Dean almost in tears by the end, and he collapsed onto the rug in the middle of the room and panted, trying to catch his breath. His dark hair was spread around his head like a halo, and Dean had the fleeting thought that Cas looked like an angel. A beautiful, insanely adorable, funny as hell angel.

Dean gasped out through laughs, “What kind of bird was it?”

“A pigeon.” Then Cas’s eyes went comically wide as he lowered his voice to a whisper and brought his face so close to Dean’s that their foreheads almost touched. 

“It pooped on his head.”

Both boys dissolve into another fit of hysterics. Dean was soon joining Cas on the floor, both of them rolling around, cracking up. Dean couldn’t understand it. How happy he was, laughing his heart out with this freshman. God damn it, he was Dean Fucking Winchester. He wore leather jackets and had a cool car and could beat you up if you looked at him the wrong way. Yet here he was, with a boy that made his face light up and his stomach hurt and his heart almost burst out of his chest. Cas had somehow managed to throw everything Dean Winchester stood for out the window, and now he found himself giggling like a five year old at the faces Cas was making. And Dean didn’t want it to end.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Dean choked out, “Do you have pictures?”

Cas nodded fervently and hauled himself up into a sitting position on the floor, sweater sleeve hiking up on his arm as he reached for his phone that was lying on his desk. 

Dean froze. 

Before he could think about what he was doing, he was tackling Cas and wrapping his arms around the now very very confused looking freshman. The one that was so cute and adorable and whose smile lit up Dean’s entire world. The one whose laugh was like listening to the prettiest music on Earth. The one whose eyes were like staring into the summer sky and whose hair looked like a halo around his head.

The one that had the word Winchester imprinted on his wrist, and whose last name, Novak, was stitched into the underside of his sleeve.

The one that didn’t pull back when Dean pressed their lips together, instead letting out a small sound that made Dean glow from the inside, and returned the kiss. It was perfect. Dean had kissed people before. He had kissed girls, he had kissed boys, but nothing could have prepared him for this kiss. This kiss was an explosion of color. Fireworks, even. 

Dean finally, finally, raised his hand and ran it through Cas’s hair. Hair that felt like silk under his fingers. Dean firmly decided that this had been worth the wait. 

Cas moaned into the kiss, and arched his body up into Dean, who wrapped his arms tighter around the small, cute creature who he could now finally call his. Dean could do this forever, he decided. Cas’s mouth was perfect and sweet and everything Dean could have asked for.

“CAS, I’M NOT YOUR SOULMATE!”

Dean and Cas didn’t even have time to break apart before the door was bursting open and Sam was careening into the room, announcing the phrase loud enough that people five doors down could hear. He was followed by Gabe, who froze alongside Sam at the sight of Cas on the floor, Dean sprawled on top of him. 

“What the shit-” 

“I can explain-”

“The hell are you doing, barging in like that-”

“You’re finally getting laid little bro-”

They all spoke at once, drowning each other out. Sam and Cas were both red in the face, one of them apologizing and the other staring at Dean in disbelief. Gabe, meanwhile, was obviously trying to contain his laughter, and Dean was clearly mad that his brother had interrupted them.

“Can someone please explain what’s going on?” This came from Sam, who looked incredibly confused at the scene in front of him. 

Dean smiled and started rolling up his sleeve. He then unclasped his watch, which he only ever took off at night, so that Sam could never see his soulmate’s name. After realizing as a little kid that he and his brother shared the same imprint on their wrists, he refrained from sharing his soulmate’s name with his brother, afraid of the drama it would cause in the family. Instead, he kept his watch on him at all times of the day, but it finally came off now.

Sam inhaled sharply as he saw the clear, black ‘Novak’ inscripted on his brother’s wrist. Cas gasped, too, and his wide eyes met Dean’s, who didn’t look away this time.

“So what y’all are telling me,” Gabe spoke up now, still trying his best not to laugh. “Is that I’m going to be fucking your brother, and you’re going to be fucking my brother? We’re one big brother fucking family now or what?”

There was a moment of silence. 

“Try selling that shit to Disney.”

And then they were all shrieking with laughter, doubling over and gasping for breath until their sides hurt. Cas and Dean were yet again rolling on the floor, but this time they were grabbing at each other’s hands and shirts instead of keeping to themselves. Gabe had collapsed onto Sam’s bed, giggling into the pillows. Sam was bent over, trying to steady himself by grabbing onto Cas’s chair, which promptly tipped over, sending him tumbling to the ground. That didn’t help matters whatsoever, and it was a solid ten minutes later that they finally got themselves under control and could say anything without the group launching back in a frenzy of chuckles and cackles.

Regaining their breath, Cas and Dean sat up and leaned their backs against Cas’s bed, Cas putting his head on Dean’s shoulder. 

“So how did you figure it out?” Dean asked his brother, who hadn’t bothered getting up from the ground and remained sprawled across the floor. 

Sam blushed and opened his mouth to answer, but Gabe talked over him, winking at his soulmate. “Oh buddy, you don’t want to know.”

Anything that was enough to make Sam blush was a must-know in Dean Winchester’s book.

He leaned forward.

“Tell me everything.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Alrighty then my amigos. Listen closely now.” Gabriel sat forward and rubbed his hand together, smiling devilishly. “Our story begins when a certain moose started humming Metallica. Which, let’s be honest, is a horrible band.”

“Hey!” The indignant cry came from both Winchesters. Cas smiled a bit at the amount of protectiveness Dean had towards things he loved, whether it be a car, a guitar, a brother, or a band. Sam was the same, and Cas fully understood what traits he picked up from his brother. He also understood now why Sam could never shut up about Dean.

Dean Winchester, who was Cas’s soulmate. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Around the fact that this gorgeous guy was truly his. All of him, from his fresh apple green eyes, to Disney Prince voice, to incredibly fit body, and then to Cas’s favorite, his princess perfect lips. Lips that when stretched into a smile made Cas’s world light up. 

Lips that were now pulled into a frown as he was arguing with Gabe over which band was better, Metallica or Asia. Cas’s brother was insisting that Asia was the better of the two, while both Winchesters were shaking their heads furiously and stating otherwise. Cas himself preferred pop, specifically Bruno Mars, so he just sat with an amused smile and listened to Gabe finally throw his hands up in defeat and glare at the others. 

“It doesn’t matter. The point was that it annoyed me. A lot. So much that I wasn’t really listening to what he was saying-”

“So that’s why you were ignoring me at first? I just thought you didn’t like me!” Sam looked affronted. “I was trying that whole time to get a laugh out of you because Cas said that you liked to joke around but then I just gave up.”

All of them chuckled at that. Dean’s chest rumbled at every laugh, and Cas smiled at the vibrations it sent through him.

Gabe rolled his eyes and continued. “Is that why you locked us in a closet? To get a laugh out of me?”

Cas’s eyes widened, and he felt Dean choke out a “You WHAT?”

Sam glowered and stuck his tongue out at Gabe. “It wasn’t like that and you know it, Mr. I’m Gonna Joke About Very Serious Matters-”

“You were hiding from someone! That isn’t considered serious!”

“Umm yeah it is if you think they’re gonna find you locked in a closet with some older kid! The rumors that could have come out of that!”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, it’s not as if she found us-”

“But she was this close because of your obnoxious loud jokes and comments and-”

“What are you dumbasses even talking about?” Came the question from Dean that had been plaguing Cas as well. As cute and entertaining as their bickering was, Cas had absolutely no idea what was going on.

“He was hiding from a girl.” Said Gabe with a shake of his head. “What a wuss.”

Glancing at Cas with pleading eyes, Sam elaborated, “It was Lucy.”

Cas inhaled sharply. Lucy was a senior that was the most obnoxious girl that Cas had ever met. She couldn’t walk past anyone without making a comment about them. She mostly picked on freshman, though, and it wasn’t rare that people would dart into classrooms as soon as they saw her walking down the halls.

Cas realized that Gabe was still talking. “If it would have been up to me, I would’ve walked right up to that bitch and slapped her exquisite little ass into next Tuesday like the man I am.”

Sam barked out a laugh. “The ‘man you are’? You screamed when you saw that spider on the railing.”

“I did NOT scream! I let out a small noise of discomfort. It’s not the same thing.”

“Suuure.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“Wait so what’s this about you guys getting locked in the closet?” Dean asked curiously, glancing at Cas. They were both trying to stifle their laughter.

“Right. So. When Scaredy Cat here saw Miss Princess Bitch walking down the hallway, he hauled my ass into the nearest room, which happened to be a closet. A closet that was so packed with brooms and buckets and shit that I could barely breathe with this moose taking up all the space.” He pointed a finger accusingly at Sam. “You’re lucky you smell good, or I would’ve beaten your ass to a pulp.”

Sam mocked being offended, placing a hand on his chest and gaping at Gabe with hurt eyes.

“And so we’re just standing there, smushed together like a soulmate sandwich, neither of us making a peep-”

“That is so not true and you know it! The minute we were in there you winked at me and was like,” Sam scrunched up his face and made his voice higher, trying to imitate Gabe. “ ‘I didn’t know you wanted to get into my pants this bad.’ ”

Cas snorted. It was just like his brother to make everyone around him as uncomfortable as possible, whether it be with actions or words. It was also just like him to flirt with every person he met, and in doing so practically ruining any chance he has with them with how inappropriate his pickup lines are.

“And I’m trying to shush you because Lucy could walk by and hear at any moment, but you just keep talking and talking and won’t shut up!” Sam made his voice higher again. “ ‘I bet this is where you take all the girls.’ ”

“I do not sound like that! You’re making it sound as if I’m a constipated five year old that hasn’t had anything to drink in weeks.” Gabe swiveled his incredulous gaze to Cas, as if hoping that his brother would back him up. Shaking his head with a laugh, Cas shrugged his shoulders and giggled at the furious look on Gabe’s face.

“Traitors, that’s what the lot of you are! Traitors! Woe is me, there is nobody I can trust in this cruel world!” He pressed a hand to his heart and collapsed onto the bed. 

“Drama queen.” Cas heard Sam mutter. Again, the soft rumble of Dean’s voice made Cas turn his head to look up at his soulmate, who was smiling and had a spark in his beautiful eyes that Cas never wanted to go out.

“Wait so how’d you get out?” Cas asked when he realized that he was staring and probably starting to creep Dean out. Sam was about to answer when Gabe shot back up from the bed.

“This asshole broke the doorknob! And before he starts telling you that it isn’t true and that it just fell off by itself, I will tell you that I was an eyewitness to the fact that his great big paws mauled the poor doorknob to death.”

“That’s a lie! That is such a lie! I barely touched the thing and it snapped clean off!” At this, Cas and Dean started outright laughing. Being completely honest, Cas was so glad that, although his conversation with Dean was at first awkward, they got to know each other a bit without getting locked in a closet together.

“Sammy you would do something like that and say that it snapped off. It’s not like instead of hands you have hooves.” Dean told his now even angrier brother who looked as if steam was about to start coming off of him any second.

“I swear it just broke off!”

Gabe mimicked Sam in a deeper voice. “ ‘I swear it just broke off’ my ass! First you locked us in there for half an hour, insisting that she was still in the hallway. Then, you decimated the handle, making it nearly impossible for us to get out-”

“It would have maybe gone quicker if you hadn’t been groping me the entire time!”

“I’m sorry, groping?! I was trying to find something that could help us! I wasn’t groping you!”

“Oh sure. SURE. Then why did I feel a hand on my ass, hmm?”

“That was an accident!” Then wagging his eyebrows, he whispered, “But it’s a great ass you got there, Sam.”

Sam immediately blushed and hid his face in his hands with a groan. Dean and Cas were laughing again, and Cas realized how great this was. Sitting with friends and laughing. He didn’t understand why his mother had made such a fuss over college a few weeks ago.

Cas froze. His mother. He promised that he would tell her when he met his soulmate. Only, that might have been an issue now because his soulmate was a boy. And so was Gabe’s. Not that his mother had anything against gays, but Cas knew that she had desperately wished for another lady in the family that she could talk to. Cas smiled a bit and tried to picture Dean having a conversation with his mother about the latest knitting trends.

Dean, who was now intertwining their hands and pressing a soft kiss to Cas’s hair. Sam and Gabe were still arguing, but Cas could still see the fondness for each other under all the banter. Sam had always liked the stories about Gabe more than those about Michael, Lucifer, and Raphael. He obviously liked the older Novak brother, and Cas could see it in the way he laughed with him and subconsciously leaned his body towards Gabe when he talked. Cas wondered if it was the same with other soulmates. Was it the same between him and Dean?

Cas was jerked back into reality when there was an indignant cry of “You liar!” from Gabe, who was now up on his feet. Sam was too, and Cas realized that he’d been spacing out, and had missed almost everything the other two had said. 

Gabe was now furiously waving his arms around, trying to explain something about how coffee wouldn’t make up for the mental abuse he had faced in the closet. Sam was firmly stating that it had been his only choice, and shook his head when Gabe countered him.

“And then, if you’ll believe it, he doused me with it! The burning hot coffee! All over this body!”

“I did not! I tripped! It was an accident!”

“No it wasn’t! You wanted to get back at me for groping you-”

“AHA! So you admit that you groped me!”

“I didn’t say that!”

“You sure as hell did!”

“Whatever. And then to make it worse, you started trying to jerk me off-”

“I WAS TRYING TO WIPE THE COFFEE OFF OF YOUR SHIRT, YOU ASSHOLE!”

Both Dean and Cas were shaking with laughter at the arguing and accusations.

“Screw you, Winchester.” Then turning back to Cas and Dean still sitting cuddled up by the foot of Cas’s bed, he smiled. “And that’s the story of how we found out.”

“Wait what?” Dean was now clearly confused, and so was Cas. “So when did you see the name?”

“When I was wiping the coffee off of his shirt.” Sam explained. Sending a glare at Gabe, he added, “Not jerking you off.” Gabe stuck his tongue out at Sam. “And that’s also when I realized that I needed to tell you that we weren’t soulmates. But I guess you didn’t need me to tell you because you figured it out yourself.”

Cas blushed and felt Dean’s arm tighten around him. 

There was now a moment of silence as they all just sat and breathed; the fun now over. While they had been talking, the sun had started to set, and it was now close to dusk. The day would be ending soon, and both Cas and Sam had to go back to classes tomorrow.

Cas felt his heart sink slightly at the thought that Dean would have to leave him. Yes they could see each other during the weekends, but that meant five, long, Dean-less days between visits. Days that Cas didn’t know he could handle. It was a little cruel that he’d find his soulmate, just to have him taken away for days on end.

Dean was obviously thinking the same thing, as he kept glancing down at Cas as if trying to memorize his features. Not that Cas minded. In all honesty, he liked it when Dean looked at him. It made him feel bubbly and happy and weightless inside.

It was Sam who finally broke the silence, making a soft declaration about the time and how he and Cas still had homework to finish up before the next day.

Heaving a sigh, all four of the boys got up and slowly made their way out of the room. Walking down the halls with his hand in Dean’s made Cas inexplicably elated, and he couldn’t stop grinning. Every time he felt Dean’s eyes on him, the grin widened.

They walked out onto the lawn, and Cas let out a laugh as he saw Dean’s eyes now being drawn towards the food trucks that Cas had long since grown accustomed to, as they were almost a constant presence in his daily life.

They made it to the parking lot, and Sam and Gabe strode over to Gabe’s car, while Dean led Cas towards the Impala that Cas had admired earlier. 

With the proudest smile on his face, Dean patted the roof of his car. “Cas, this is Baby. Baby, meet Cas.”

Cas giggled and patted her roof, too. “It’s nice to meet you, Baby.” 

Dean laughed. 

The two boys just stood and stared at each other for a second. Then Dean’s arms were around him and Cas sighed as he was engulfed by Dean. He in turn wrapped his arms around his soulmate, and buried his face into his neck, breathing in the smell that was now so familiar to him. 

Pulling back, Dean whispered a soft, “Bye Cas.” He then pressed their lips together, and Cas pushed up into the kiss. He could do this forever. Just stand here, with his arms wrapped around Dean. 

But those were not the plans that Sam had, who had now walked up and cleared his throat. They pulled apart, and Cas said goodbye again as he left the two brothers to hug it out and made his way a few cars down to Gabe, who pulled him into a rough embrace and made a blushing Cas promise that he’d use a condom. Then, giving him a wink, Gabe clambered into his car and backed it out, driving away with a wave.

Cas strolled back to the Impala, where Sam and Dean had just broken up their hug and were exchanging last words. Dean clapped Sam on the shoulder and his eyes found Cas’s as he sat down and started the engine. Giving both boys a smile, Dean put Baby in reverse, and with a final way drove off.

Sam and Cas stood alone on the grass for a moment. 

“Next weekend can’t come fast enough.”

“You said it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me so long, school sucks :)  
> comments always appreciated


	9. Chapter 9

3 weeks later

24 hours. Cas was 24 hours away from Saturday. 24 long, grueling, endless hours. He didn’t think he could wait that long. Yes he’d made it through the four previous days, but now that he only had mere hours until Saturday, Cas thought that the waiting would never end.

Because since he saw Dean Winchester’s car drive off the college campus the week before, Cas had been counting the days, hours, minutes, seconds, until he could see him again. Until he could look into those apple green eyes, and count the freckles on his face. Until he could hear that simultaneously soft but husky voice in his ear. Until he could wrap his arms around his soulmate and never let go.

24 hours. 

Well, to be exact, 23 hours, 49 minutes and 14 seconds. 

All he had to do was get out of bed, manage to sit through his classes without constantly getting distracted, finish his homework, and go to sleep. And then when he’d wake up tomorrow he’d get to finally finally see Dean again.

But first things first, he had to accomplish the first thing on his list. He had to get out of bed.

So Cas heaved himself off of his comfortable mattress and pillow, rubbing tiredly at his eyes as he glanced over at Sam’s bed, which was empty. Sam’s first class was at 8:00am, so he was always up and about much earlier than Cas was. Cas, on the other hand, preferred to sleep in, so he specifically chose his first class of the day to be Constitutional Law, which started at 9:00am. 

Looking at the clock, Cas let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. It was 8:20.

23 hours, 40 minutes, 38 seconds.

This was going to be a long day.

******

He made it through his first four classes of the day. Barely. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Dean’s smiling face gazing down at him, and Cas practically had to hold his eyes open through most of his morning lectures.

But it was finally lunchtime and Cas took a deep breath of the crisp autumn air as he opened the front doors and strolled outside. He grinned and waved at Sam, who was already sitting at their usual table in the courtyard. It was a Friday, and although the weather had gotten colder over the past few weeks, Cas welcomed the chilly air. People were milling around, discussing their weekend plans, inviting each other to various parties. Cas breezed past groups of teachers and students, dropping his bag down at Sam’s table. 

Sam already had a mouth full of salad as he tried saying something to Cas before realizing that all that came out was a garbled mess of words with a side of ranch dressing. Cas chuckled and waited for Sam to swallow, sitting down across from his roommate, who seemed to be growing by the minute. Cas nearly had to break his neck with the amount of craning that was necessary to look Sam in the eye. If he was being honest, Cas was probably more familiar with Sam’s various array of flannels than with his facial features.

Sam got the food down quicker than Cas thought was possible; a trait probably inherited from his brother. A brother who they both missed terribly, although for different reasons. Ironically, Sam talked about Dean even more now that he started seeing his brother more often. Before the Columbus Day weekend, Sam would bring Dean many conversations he shared with anyone that’d listen, talking about how much he missed his brother. But once Sam started seeing him at a more regular rate, Dean was all he ever talked about. Well, other than Gabe. Not that Cas minded. He could talk about Gabe for hours, sharing stories upon stories about his older brother. And Dean. Cas couldn’t stop pestering Sam about telling him facts and stories about his soulmate. But he didn’t think that Sam minded either. Any chance Sam had to show off his brother, he’d take it.

“I’m leaving for the weekends.” Sam’s voice brought Cas back to reality. He realized that he’d spaced out, and brought his eyes back around to Sam. “Me and Kevin have to work on a project for my Nutrition and Dietetics class, so I’ll be staying over at his place. I’m leaving with him today after my last class.” Sam winked at him. “Just don’t have too much fun with Dean while I’m gone.”

Cas blushed and quickly looked down. He heard Sam chuckle and raised his head, then whispered with a smirk, “Don’t worry. We’ll be sure not to use your bed.”

Sam choked on his next forkful of salad, and Cas left him that way, grinning from ear to ear as he got up and strode over to the food trucks. What was he in the mood for today? Not sushi or any type of fish. Salads were definitely off the list. Nothing spicy, so that eliminated Mexican and Indian food. Aha. Burgers.

“Double bacon cheeseburger please. No pickles. Thank you.” The line at the truck was short, and Cas placed his order without thinking twice. Wherever he went, wherever he ate, he always ordered the same burger. College was no different. Sam had tried ceaselessly convincing him to try something different. Either to eat one with pickles, or maybe to have BBQ sauce instead of ketchup, but Cas refused. He knew what he liked, and he’d stick to it.

“One double bacon cheeseburger please no pickles thank you.” Came a familiar voice, and Cas started. “Here you go, angel.” And he looked up as the 20 hours, 31 minutes, and 24 seconds came spiraling down to zero. Because Cas found himself looking up into Dean’s smiling face as the older boy stretched out a carefully packaged burger towards Cas.

“What? Dean? You- I don’t-” Dean let out a laugh that made Cas’s heart jump in his chest for the first time that week. 

“Hey, Chuck, can you take over for a second?” Dean turned his head and called back to the other man in the truck. A muffled “Sure thing” was heard, and Dean sent Cas a sharp grin as he clambered out of the truck and to Cas, who threw himself into Dean’s arms the second his feet hit the ground.

“I missed you, too.” He whispered into Cas’s hair. They stayed in the embrace for only seconds before Dean grunted and pulled away. “The burger’s leaking ketchup all over my uniform”, he grumbled, viciously trying to wipe off the now red patch on his sleeve. Cas giggled, overjoyed that Dean was here. Remembering Sam, he swiveled around and was about to wave his roommate over when Dean put a hand on his shoulder.

“Sammy already knows.” Cas’s incredulous gaze found Dean’s. Sam knew? And he didn’t tell Cas? If Cas had known that Dean would be here, he would have chosen a different outfit to wear. Oh god, Dean probably thought that his knit cardigan was atrocious. If Cas had known, he would have at least attempted to arrange his hair into a presentable shape. If Cas had known…

“Don’t take it out on him, though. I told him to keep his cakehole shut about it or I’d chop off his balls and feed them to a zebra.” Dean winked at Cas. “I wanted it to be a surprise.” 

Cas’s heart melted at that and he smiled up at Dean, although still a little confused. “Wait, so when did you-”

“Deano! Get your ass back in here!” Came the call from inside the truck. Smiling sheepishly at Cas, Dean ruffled his soulmate’s hair and gave him a quick kiss on the nose. “My shift ends at 8:30. I’ll explain everything later.” And with that information he left Cas standing behind the truck and returned to working the job Cas never knew he had.

Feeling a little dazed, Cas walked back to his spot at the table, everything snapping back into focus only when he sat down and was met with hysteric giggling coming from Sam. 

“Oh, you should have seen your face!” Sam cackled. “It was definitely worth the wait.”

Blushing now, Cas looked down at his cardigan with a frown and started running his hands through his hair. “You could have told me to dress nicer today”, he mumbled.

Sam laughed and leaned forward on his elbows, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “But then you’d have gotten suspicious. It was better this way.” He giggled again. “The look on your face was priceless, though.”

Cas unwrapped his burger and smiled at the heart draw on the wrapper in sharpie. He hoped it hadn’t bled through onto the actual bun, and was relieved when he didn’t taste sharpie in his first bite. He didn’t know why or how, but this particular burger seemed to taste better than any other burger he’d ever had.

He and Sam finished their food in peace, but Cas’s mind was reeling. Dean? Here? Since when did Dean work in food trucks? And anyway, Cas thought he worked at the repair shop. It surely payed better than serving food, even though he knew that Dean didn’t like the, and he quoted, “Black Hole chock full of people with sequoia trees shoved up their asses”.

He shook his head and remembered that Dean promised that he would explain everything later. After his shift ended at 8:30. Cas smiled and set the timer.

11 hours. 30 min. 22 seconds.

******

Sam had left with Kevin an hour ago, so Cas used the peace and quiet without his roommate to finish his homework. Not that Sam was loud or annoying, but he and Cas always managed to start a conversation about something or other every time they were put in a room together. Whether it be sports, books, movies, art, food, or pencils, they always found something to talk about. Cas would be writing an essay when he’d head a small gasp from Sam’s side of the room, and swivel around just in time to see Sam sit upright in bed and ask Cas if fish felt wet or dry all the time. What would follow would be a long, winded argument ending in them not wanting to take up any more time with discussions and give up. Cas still firmly believed that water was not wet, but he never brought it up again to Sam. With a little smile, Cas decided that he would ask Dean and see what he thought.

Dean. Who would be arriving in 0 hours, 6 minutes, and 47 seconds.

Cas had made and remade his bed twice now, and he almost laughed at the irony. The first time he had heard that Dean was coming over, it had been Sam that went completely Control Freak, neatening his bed and rearranging his books to impress his brother. Now Cas was the one that was going crazy trying to make sure that his room looked presentable.

Realizing that he was pacing the room and probably annoying the hell out of the people on the floor below him, Cas sat down on his bed. His eyes travelled to his signed vinyl record. Dean kept promising that he would play some of his songs for Cas on his guitar, but he never actually did it, something about not risking any “tiny tot college twerps” bringing harm to his Baby 2.0; the guitar. In fact, Cas had never even heard Dean sing. Yes, at times Cas would hear snippets of a song here and there, maybe even some humming. But never any actual singing. Cas made another mental note for himself to ask Dean about his guitar, too.

Cas almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock on the door, and was up and across the room in a flash. He thrust the door open and was met with a bear hug from Dean. Smiling into Dean’s neck, Cas returned the hug and kicked the door shut behind them.

“Hey, angel.” He heard Dean whisper into his hair, which he then placed a soft kiss in. To be honest, Cas loved his new nickname. Well, not exactly new. His mother had been calling him ‘angel’ since he was a kid, and it had always annoyed him. But whenever Dean said it, Cas melted. The way Dean’s mouth formed the word, not to mention the gravelly way he sounded out the letters, almost had Cas on his knees. Like at the moment.

Their mouths collided in a kiss, and Cas moaned and arched his back into Dean. This kiss was hungry. Desperate. As if neither one could get enough of the other, which was true. Cas loved this. Loved the almost feral way Dean’s lips ravaged his own, and the small growls Dean made when Cas’s tongue traced the inside of his mouth.

“You look so damn cute in this”, came the soft murmur from Dean, and before he knew it, Dean’s hands were under his cardigan and all over his skin. Cas inhaled sharply as the warmth from Dean’s calloused fingers seeped into him. They were running up along his back, around his torso, on his chest. Dean was everywhere and Cas didn’t ever want it to stop. 

Soon his cardigan was off and on the floor, quickly followed by Dean’s flannel and shirt. Their hands were all over each other, warm and sure. Dean’s mouth now decided to chart its course down Cas’s neck, and he arched his head back to give Dean more access. Dean’s mouth then traveled lower, down, down, down his chest. Cas was gasping, hands woven into Dean’s hair. Every time Dean sucked at a spot of his skin just right, Cas moaned and pulled on Dean’s hair. Dean obviously enjoyed it, and smirked devilishly whenever he got a particularly loud keen out of his soulmate.

And then they were on the bed (not Sam’s, just as promised), and Cas was a writhing mess under Dean’s hands and mouth. They traced his hips, his stomach, his chest. They turned Cas into a moaning, sweating, begging pool of goo that was addicted to the touch of his lover. But this was a healthy addiction. It was one that made Cas the happiest man in the world.

Cas suddenly remembered something. 

“Dean?”

Dean stopped his meticulous worshipping of Cas’s body and raised his eyes to meet Cas’s. “Hmm?” He asked, his voice vibrating through Cas’s body, making him shiver.

“Do fish feel wet or dry all the time?” 

Dean’s face broke into a smile and he laughed, bringing himself back up to kiss Cas in the mouth. They stayed like that for a while, just kissing. Cas didn’t necessarily care that Dean hadn’t answered his question, because this kiss was slow and soft, nothing like the one they had earlier. Cas couldn’t decide which one he liked better. 

When the kiss deepened, he realized that he didn’t have to decide. A kiss from Dean was still a kiss. And Cas loved them all the same.

***

“So, you never answered my question.” Cas poked Dean in the side as they settled down into the blankets to watch a movie the following day. They had just returned from having dinner in the city, where Cas had learned that Dean had taken the job at the food trucks because he was lonely and bored back at the repair shop. Dean admitted that the pay wasn’t as good, but he’d also taken on the morning shift at an indoor pool not far from the college campus. Cas was thrilled at the chance of seeing his boyfriend more often. He still grinned at the thought. Dean was his boyfriend. He never thought that he’d be saying it, but he was glad that he had found his soulmate. And so was his mom. She had been ecstatic when Cas had called and told her that he’d found the person with his name on their wrist. After relaying the whole story of their little mix up to her, his mom had insisted that she get a chance to meet Dean, and invited him to stay at their house for Winter Break. Dean had looked like a happy puppy when Cas had suggested the idea, and had immediately agreed.

During the dinner in the city, Dean, in turn, had also learned that Cas had never seen the movie Princess Bride. From the sound of it, Cas was surprised that such a movie had even peaked Dean’s interest, but Dean had firmly stated that this was a movie worth watching.

So there they were, cuddled together on Cas’s bed, surrounded by a mountain of pillows and blankets, Dean’s laptop in front of them. On their way back from dinner, they’d bought popcorn and snacks, and were now up and ready to begin Operation Watch The Girly Movie That Dean Insists Isn’t Girly. Well, they’d be ready if Dean could just get his Amazon prime account to work.

And while he was doing that, Cas was determined to wring an answer out of Dean.

“Which question are you referring to?” Dean asked, scrolling through the saved passwords on his phone, trying to find the one for his account.

“The one I asked on Friday.” At Dean’s confused sideways glance, Cas elaborated. “The one about fish. Do they feel wet all the time?”

Dean chuckled and looked up at Cas with those startlingly green eyes. Cas didn’t quite understand how eyes could be that green. Most of the green-eyed people he’d met had more of a dull, stormy sea gray/green colored eyes. But Dean. Dean’s eyes were different. Something about them was so bright, as if they were a field where the grass was made of emeralds.

“I think that depends on whether or not you think water is wet.” Dean’s voice brought Cas’s mooning and staring to a stop.

“Water is not wet.” 

Dean snorted. “Yes it is.”

“No. It’s not.” Cas shook his head. Dean was taking the same approach to this as his brother had. 

Arching his eyebrow, Dean said, “Yeah it is. Something is defined as ‘wet’ if it is surrounded by water. Water is surrounded by water, therefore it is wet.”

“But if you look it up, water isn’t wet by itself, only when it comes in contact with other materials.”

“Oh and we should believe everything the Internet tells us. That’s rich.” He then threw up his hands and let out a whoop of triumph as he finally found the correct password to his Amazon account.

Cas rolled his eyes, and decided that they’d save this conversation for another time. Because right now Dean’s arm was around him, pulling him down towards his chest. Cas, in turn, wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and snuggled closer to him, breathing in the scent that had now become so familiar to him. He smiled and sighed in content as Dean’s fingers started tracing soft patterns up and down his back. 

The movie started, and everything else soon faded away until it was only him and Dean, giggling during the fight scene between Montoya and Westley, jumping when the R.O.U.S attacked, gasping at Montoya’s fight with Count Rugen, and smiling happily at the end.

And when the movie was over and they pulled the blankets tighter around themselves, Cas had to admit; he had liked the movie more than he first thought he would. But maybe that had a little something to do with the person watching with him. The one that was now enveloping Cas in warmth and burrowing his face in Cas’s neck. 

The one that Cas suddenly knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while and I didn't think that it would take me so long to write this but fricking school is being annoying. For those of you who haven't seen Princess Bride, you totally should bc it's a great movie. Hope you enjoyed! Comments always appreciatd :)


	10. Chapter 10

Winter Break

No wonder Dean liked the Impala. The car was perfect. The seats were comfortable, there was lots of space, it was sleek and shiny, and, best of all, it smelled like Dean. Cas couldn’t quite explain what Dean smelled like, though. It was a mix of car oil, leather, and pine, but with something sweeter mixed in, too. It didn’t matter though, because it drove Cas crazy. Absolutely crazy.

“Turn on the blinker, you fucking moron!” Cas had been previously staring out the window, watching the snow covered trees slip by, but he now turned his head back to Dean. It seems as if he wasn’t the only crazy one here.

It was a Saturday. More specifically, it was the Saturday right after the day that schools let out their students for winter break. Most of the kids at Cas’s college had decided to go home on Friday, and in hopes of avoiding traffic, Cas and Dean had slept over on campus and woke up early Saturday morning, ready to leave. Sam had also left on Friday. He had decided to stay with Gabe at Gabe’s apartment, but his usual two hour drive to Gabe’s turned into a five hour long road trip due to the sheer amount of cars on the road. Cas and Dean may have avoided the heavier traffic the day before, but people were still streaming to get to their vacation spots. The highways were stuffed to the brim with cars, and Cas never realized until now what bad road rage Dean had.

They had passed the first hour or two somewhat peacefully. Dean had pointed to various stains and scratches on the seats and interior of the car, explaining how they got there. One particular blue colored patch of leather beneath Cas was apparently from the time that Sam had fallen asleep with a blue lollipop in his mouth as a kid, and the blue drool had gotten on the seat. There was also the toy soldier, stuck in the ashtray in the back, not to mention the legos that rattled in the heaters. What Dean was most proud of, though, was the carved DW and SW on the inside of the car, no doubt the brothers’ initials. Cas suddenly wondered if he’d ever have the chance to carve a CW alongside them.

“If you don’t use the blinkers, you might as well shove them up your asses!” Dean was still grumbling to himself about the car that had cut him off on the road. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel, and if looks could kill, most of the drivers in sight would have died long ago. But, in all honesty, it was a bit amusing. Cas rarely saw Dean in a bad mood, and the curses and threats he kept throwing at people that couldn’t even hear him were very creative.

“Dean, they can’t hear you.”

With a glower at Cas, Dean opened the window and craned his neck out, yelling an extremely loud “Fuck you!” to the long line of cars. When he got no response, Dean stuck his head back in and rolled up the window. There were now snowflakes littering his hair, and with a smile Cas reached out and brushed them off. 

Dean seemed to soften at that, and sent an apologetic smile Cas’s way. 

Cas’s victory was short-lived, because the car in front of them stopped abruptly, sending Dean into yet another cursing spree. 

Cas sighed. This was going to be a long drive.

0o0o0o0o0

Cas hadn’t seen his house or his mother in weeks. She was constantly busy with her job as a travel nurse, and was usually away on weekends. They had both decided beforehand that it would have been better if Cas stayed at the college over the weekends, mostly because he’d have nobody to talk to at home. But this time her boss had let her take a few days off so that she could celebrate Christmas with Cas and Dean. Cas smiled to himself as he imagined the ugly sweaters she had no doubt knit for both of them. 

His heart nearly jumped out of his chest when Dean rounded the last corner and drove up to Cas’s house. It looked exactly like he remembered. Two stories, white shutters, blue siding. The Christmas lights weren’t up yet, and Cas had the feeling that his mother would make him put them up later.

The Impala purred to a stop, and both boys ducked out of the car. Dean went around back to get the bags, but when Cas started that way too, Dean waved his hand and gestured to Cas that he’d handle it. Grinning and blowing Dean a kiss, Cas took a deep breath and walked up the steps to the front door. 

He looked down at himself. Dean had bought him the sweater that he was currently wearing, and Cas quickly wondered what his mom would think of the bear on it. His shoes were still the same ones he had left home in, although they looked less new than they did before. Cas caught a look at himself in one of the windows, and quickly smoothed his hair down.

“Relax, angel, you look fine.” Dean’s voice in his ear made Cas jump, which prompted Dean to chuckle. But despite his reassuring comment, Cas saw that Dean was just as nervous as he was, maybe more. Dean had his hands full of bags, and he was fidgeting with the wrappers on the presents and shifting from foot to foot. Dean’s mom had died when he was a kid, and Cas knew that Dean never had any real experiences with having a mother figure in his life. As he rang the doorbell, Cas decided to thank God that his mother was the way she was. She could be exactly what Dean was missing.

They didn’t even have to wait a full minute before the door was swinging open and they were greeted with the smiling face of Cas’s mom. All of his time without her came crashing down on Cas, and he launched himself into her arms. She smelled like cookies and butter and all good things. Her arms wrapped around him, and Cas realized just how much he had missed his mom during his time away at college.

His mother released him with a gasp and lunged forward at Dean, who was still standing on the porch, his arms piled high with bags. She ushered him into the house and immediately started relieving him of his baggage. Dean was looking a bit shocked, and his eyes travelled around the house, taking everything in.

He let out a surprised squeak when Cas’s mom finally freed him of the last bag and proceeded to envelop him in a hug. Cas giggled at his discomfort, firmly deciding that he’d tease Dean about it later. 

“It’s, umm, it’s nice to finally meet you Mrs. Novak-” Dean began, but was quickly cut off when Cas’s mom pulled back and placed a finger to his lips, shaking her head.

“Now, now, there will be none of that. You can call me Claire. No formalities here.” She took her finger off of his lips, instead running her hand through his hair. “Let’s take a look at you.”

Her eyes raked him over, and Cas tried to contain his laughter at Dean’s helpless glances as her hands cupped his face. 

“Well, you’re very pretty. And your eyes are so green.” She turned her head and winked at Cas. “You got yourself a good one, angel.” Cas couldn’t agree more. She then slapped Dean on the butt, which Dean was obviously not expecting. “Make sure you keep him.”

Claire then gathered the bags and presents in her arms and bustled out of the room, leaving a very distraught and confused looking Dean in her wake. As soon as she disappeared into the kitchen, Cas burst out laughing. Dean’s mortified face did nothing to help, and it was a full minute before Cas got himself under control. 

Still giggling every few seconds, Cas looped his arm through Dean’s and decided to give him a tour of the house. Dean’s eyes hungrily took in the picture frames on the walls and books on the shelves. Now it was Cas’s turn to do the explaining. He gestured to couches and corners, relaying stories and memories from his childhood. Dean listened to everything with interest, although his face still hadn’t lost its blush from his encounter with Cas’s mom.

They passed the living room. The Christmas tree was already up, but there were no ornaments on it yet. Cas yet again guessed that the task of decorating it would be assigned to him. 

Dean’s face lit up when he saw the kitchen. Cas remembered all of Sam’s stories about Dean’s love for cooking, and smiled at the spark in Dean’s eyes as he saw the accommodating baking space. Claire was now rushing about, preparing dinner for them. When she caught them trying to peek inside the oven, she shooed them out of the kitchen, claiming that she’d call them down when she was ready.

So Cas and Dean trudged upstairs, picking up the bags Claire had left at the foot of the stairs. First, Cas showed Dean the guest room, where Dean would be staying. He had his own TV and bathroom, and Dean looked overjoyed when he saw that he had a bathtub instead of a shower.

Then, with Dean’s prompting, Cas led Dean to his room. 

Dean whistled as Cas opened the door. The walls were covered with posters of Bruno Mars, as well as photo collages of Cas with his family in various foreighn countries. Blushing a bit, Cas tried to stand in front of his vast LEGO collection as to hide it from view, but to no avail. Dean had outright laughed when he saw the many many Lord of the Rings LEGO sets Cas had. Picking up the Legolas, Dean disconnected the legs and held the figurine out to Cas.

“Look. A legless LEGO Legolas.”

That sent both of them into a fit of giggles, and even after they stopped laughing, Cas couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off his face.

“Well,” Dean finally sighed and sat on the bed. “It’s better than any motel room I’ve ever been in.” His eyes then went wide, and he fell back and spread out on Cas’s bed. He turned his head towards Cas and said, “This mattress is so much more comfortable than your college one.”

Cas chuckled and nodded, about to jump in alongside him, when his mom’s voice carried up from the kitchen, announcing that dinner was ready. Smiling, Dean heaved himself off the bed and they walked downstairs, hand in hand.

“Mom!” Cas protested and rolled his eyes when he saw her standing at the table with a camera, already having snapped a few pictures of them holding hands. 

“Sit sit sit.” She gestured at the chairs, and when they did so laughing, she put the camera up and said, “Smile!” 

Her grin turned into a small frown as she looked at the product, and insisted that they take another one because the lighting wasn’t right in the first. And another one after that. And another one. And another one.

Cas finally managed to convince her to put the camera away and sit down with them. They started eating.

Claire had really outdone herself this time. She had made lasagna, which she knew was Cas’s favorite dish. Along with a salad, she had made mashed potatoes and gravy, as well as garlic bread. Dean was obviously not used to meals like this, and he piled a little bit of everything onto his plate.

“So. Dean Winchester. Cas has told me a lot about you.” 

Dean swallowed his lasagna down quickly and nodded, preparing himself for a series of questions.

“But what he hadn’t told me, was what a gorgeous car you have.” That was probably the last thing that Dean had expected, and he quickly shot her a grin and straightened his back. 

“She sure is. Her name is Baby, and she’s a-”

“1967 Chevy Impala?” Claire finished for him, and Dean’s surprised look turned into one of respect. Cas knew that whoever liked anything about Baby was immediately put on Dean’s Nice List. 

It was amusing, really; the way that Dean and Claire got along. After Dean got over the initial shock of having his ass slapped by a forty year old woman, he hit it off with Cas’s mom. They shared a love for cars, and Cas had to stop himself from laughing when the conversation had turned to needlework. Apparently, Dean was excellent at sewing, due to the fact that he constantly stitched up Sam’s ripped clothes when they were children. 

Claire looked a little disappointed when Dean had said that he didn’t knit, but her question had obviously reminded her of something, because she had left the table and quickly ran upstairs. While she was shuffling around, Dean turned to Cas with a mouthful of potatoes and a grin on his face.

“I love your mom.” He mouthed to Cas, and speared another forful of lasagna into his mouth.

Cas snorted and nudged Dean with his elbow. “I thought you loved me.”

Dean winked at him. “She’s a close second, though.”

Claire returned then with two packages in her arms and a mischievous smile. “I know I’ll forget later, so you boys better open these right now.”

Dean and Cas happily pushed themselves away from the table and were each handed a package. And, just as Cas had predicted, under the wrapping paper there was a bright neon green handmade ugly sweater waiting for him. He quickly shrugged off his current sweater and replaced it with his mom’s new one. He heard Dean’s small laugh and turned around to see Dean sporting his own ugly sweater, but his was red.

“Smile!” Came his mom’s voice, and both boys turned around as Dean slung an arm around Cas’s shoulder, who in turn wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist. She took a few pictures, then ushered them back to the table.

“You better not get any food on them, or I’ll kill you.” 

Cas and Dean looked at each other and laughed.

0o0o0o0o0

When the meal was over, Dean insisted on taking their dishes to the sink and washing them, which Cas helped him with. They put on the radio, and soon the three of them were singing along to all the Christmas songs that came on. Cas and Dean were standing side by side, swaying along to the music, hips bumping into each other. They came close to starting a soap war with the bubbles, but Cas knew that his mother would never forgive them if he got her kitchen dirty. Therefore the fighting was kept to a minimum, and although the kitchen remained clean, the same could not be said for the boys, which had soap suds in their harid and bubbles on their clothes.

The dishes were clean and dry in less than half an hour, and Claire declared that she was turning in for the night. While Cas and Dean had been washing the dishes, she had been setting up the fireplace, which was now alive with a soft, warm glow. 

As they came into the living room, Cas and Dean saw that she had arranged blankets on the floor near the fireplace, along with a bunch of pillows. Dean let out a small sigh at the inviting picture, and squeezed Cas’s hand. Smiling, Cas was about to step forward and hug his mom, but she just shook her head and pointed above their heads. They looked up and came face to face with mistletoe. 

Laughing at his mom’s schemes, Cas lowered his gaze to Dean. Dean, who looked like the luckiest man on Earth. His eyes were brighter than Cas had ever seen, and his face was glowing with joy. And then he was leaning down and pressing his lips to Cas’s, and this kiss was so full of love and passion that Cas’s knees went soft. Dean’s strong arms held him up, and Cas allowed himself to melt into his soulmate’s embrace. 

Everything was perfect here with Dean, under the mistletoe. Their stomachs were filled to the brim with warm food, and there were blankets and pillows waiting for them by the fire. And Cas was happy. Happier than he had ever been in his entire life.

Cas heard the clicks of his mom’s camera behind them, but for once, he didn’t mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next few chapters will be focusing on their time spent together during winter break, so be prepared for fluff, fluff, and more fluff :D


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV again :D

Shit.

Shit shit shit shit shit.

That was the only word going through Dean Winchester’s head at the moment. He knew it had been a bad idea to agree, and yet he did it anyway. He had taken one look at that hopeful, excited, heart bursting smile that Cas had given him and said yes.

And now he was regretting it. Regretting saying yes. Regretting getting into the car. Regretting everything.

Because the fact remained that Dean Winchester did not know how to ice skate. Period. End of story. He had never had time as a kid with all the moving around, or even when he was an adult because of his job. Hell, it had never even crossed his mind that he could go ice skating.

Not until this morning, when Cas’s too-awesome-to-be-real mom had suggested that the boys go. Dean had immediately shaken his head firmly, but froze when Cas had nodded fervently. Once he revealed that he didn’t know how to skate, Cas had looked at him with such horror that Dean had become worried that Cas would disown him then and there. And then the next half an hour had been spent trying to convince Dean to drive him and Cas to the rink and go skating. And when Cas had given him those pleading puppy eyes, Dean wasn’t able to resist.

But he should have. He should have shaken his head and said no. Because it hadn’t even been a full minute before Dean found himself face to face with hard, cold, ice as he stepped one foot onto the rink and went crashing down.

Hearing a laugh and then a hand on his arm, Dean rubbed his nose (which had come into painful contact with the ice) and raised his head to see Cas’s grinning face stooping down towards him. The snow was falling around them, and the light reflecting from the huge lamps set around the rink made it look like there was a halo around Cas. Dean almost stumbled again at how adorable the younger man looked, but his boyfriend’s firm grip on his arm tightened and pulled him up.

Dean’s feet immediately started slipping and sliding on the ice, and he found himself draping himself against Cas for support. Cas simply laughed again and started skating forward.

“Are you insane? Slow down!” Dean grumbled out, still trying to get his feet under him. “Are you trying to get us both killed?”

Cas giggled and sped up, causing Dean to squeak out in protest and wrap his arms tighter around Cas. At this point, Cas was literally dragging Dean along behind him. 

“Dean, you have to let go soon.” Cas laughed out and glanced behind him. Dean realized that he probably looked even more afraid then he thought, because Cas’s eyes softened and he skidded to a stop. Untangling Dean’s arms from his torso, Cas slowly skated to the side, keeping a firm grip on Dean, but not wanting to block the way of other skaters on the rink.

“Dean, let go of me.” Dean shook his head. Cas rolled his eyes and pried Dean’s fingers from his arm, instead bringing them to the railing. Cas then moved so that he was directly in front of Dean, and placed his own hand against the railing. 

“Just follow me.” Cas looked back at Dean and smiled. “You’re going to do fine. Relax.”

Dean snorted. How could he relax when at any moment he could fall down and break something. Ice wasn’t known for being soft and cuddly.

Cas gave him a reassuring smile and pushed off with his left leg, smoothly gliding forward, meanwhile balancing on his right. He made it look so simple, as if he was flying rather than skating on a thin sliver of metal. Cas pushed off again, this time with his right foot. He skated forward for a few seconds, then turned around and went back to Dean, who was still clinging to the railing as if his life depended on it.

“C’mon, Dean. You’ll never learn if you never try.”

Grumbling to himself and glaring accusingly at Cas, Dean tightened his grip on the wall and pushed off. He glided forward, wobbling a bit, but his triumph lasted a split second before the skate twisted under him and his legs buckled. Cas was there to catch him, and Dean growled as he tried to get his feet back under him.

If only Sam could see him now, clinging like an overgrown starfish to a laughing freshman, completely helpless. No, Dean decided. If word got to his brother that he got bested by frozen water, he’d never hear the end of it.

So, setting his jaw, Dean grabbed the wall and tried again, this time lasting a bit longer before stumbling. But the proud looks Cas was sending his way made everything worth it.

It took Dean a good ten minutes to get the hang of it, even though he still wobbled and swayed precariously on his feet at times. Cas was smiling like a mad man when Dean managed to rip one hand off of the railing instead of balancing against it with two. And Dean realized that Cas had never looked more gorgeous. 

Happiness and excitement was literally rolling off of Cas in waves. His smiles were contagious, as were his giggles when Dean slipped. His soulmate was wearing a hat, knit for him by his mother, which matched his gloves. They were a sky blue, and made Cas’s eyes stand out like sapphires. There were stands of his dark hair sticking out from under his hat, and the snow swirled around and coated them in a sparkly white almost glitter like powder. He really did look like an angel, all innocent and cute. Rosy cheeks and pink lips and-

Lost in his mooning over Cas, Dean hadn’t realized that Cas had grabbed his hand and pulled him out away from the railing. His eyes widened when his hand no longer felt the reassuring firmness of the wall, and Dean froze.

“I think you’re ready to try it without the wall now.” Seeing Dean’s terrified glance, Cas chuckled. “You’ll be fine. I’ll be right here, holding your hand.” He held up their intertwined fingers, and then set off. 

Realizing that struggling would only lead to a faceful of ice, Dean let himself be pulled along. 

Glancing back at him, Cas laughed. “You have to do at least some of the work, Dean.”

Taking a deep breath, Dean slowly pushed off with his left foot, then his right. Then his left again. And soon, he and Cas were gliding along the ice at a slow pace, and Dean let out a breathless laugh when they sped up, not resulting in any injuries.

The air was rushing past him and he could feel Cas’s hand in his, squeezing. There was Christmas music blasting from the speakers set up around the rink, and when he started singing along, Dean realized that he wasn’t scared anymore. Which was why when Cas let go of his hand and skated off with a smirk, calling out a “Bet you can’t catch me!”, Dean simply smiled back and picked up his pace, racing after Cas.

Catching up to him, Dean reached out and gave Cas a pinch on his ass. The freshman clearly hadn’t been expecting that, and let out a squeak as he swiveled around, trying to slap Dean’s hand away. But his momentum sent him careening to the side, and he lunged out and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck to prevent him from falling. 

What resulted was a tangle of limbs, with Dean trying desperately to balance himself and keep them both from falling, and Cas in a contorted position trying to stand back up.

Cas finally got his feet to listen to him, and he untangled his legs from Dean’s and stood up, still keeping his arms wrapped around Dean’s neck. 

“Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven, angel?” Dean whispered, and Cas rolled his eyes and smiled as Dean pressed their lips together in a kiss. Cas’s lips were warm, unlike the stinging wind and snow, and Dean melted into the kiss. Cas reached up and ran his gloved hands through Dean’s hair, brushing off the snow that had collected there. 

“You boys are the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!” Came a voice, and Cas and Dean broke apart to find an old lady standing on the snow just outside the rink. She was standing hand in hand with another lady, and they both winked at Cas and Dean, who blushed, softly giggling to themselves. 

“Do you think she saw you grab my ass?” Cas whispered to Dean.

“I have no clue, but let’s see if you can grab mine.” He pecked Cas on the cheek and pushed off, skating away. “Catch me if you can!” He hollered back with a grin.

“Oh, it’s on.” Cas cried and raced after him.

*****

The boys came back to the house breathless and laughing. Dean had to admit, going ice skating wasn’t the worst thing that had happened to him. He and Cas had spent two hours horsing around on the ice, playing tag and seeing who could go faster. Dean had fallen only thrice, and he was damn proud of that.

Claire had called Cas at the beginning of the third hour to tell him that she had made lunch, and the boys had taken their skates off and driven home. She had greeted them with spaghetti and meatballs, the best Dean had ever eaten. When she had asked how his first ice skating experience had been, Dean had glanced at Cas with his ruffled hat hair and stated that it was the most fun he’d had in a while. This had earned him a cute smile from Cas, and Dean had almost glowed with happiness.

Dean now found himself sitting by the fire with Cas, mugs of hot chocolate in their hands and wrapped in blankets. Claire would have been a five star chef if she wasn’t a travel nurse, because her food and drinks were delicious. Otherworldly, even.

“Can you boys do me a favor?” Her voice floated in from the kitchen, where after lunch she had batted away Dean’s hands and insisted that she would do the dishes herself. 

“Yeah, mom?” Cas called back, and Dean smiled at how close the two were. He knew dozens of people that ignored their parents and talked back to them. People that had no respect whatsoever for those that had raised them, and would only help their parents in promise of payment. Cas was nothing like that, and shared an incredibly sweet bond with his mother. How could he not, when his mother was the Nicest Lady in Existence.

“I haven’t had time to put up the lights outside. Would you boys be able to help?” 

Cas sighed with a smile, as if he had been anticipating that question. “Sure mom!”

Soon both boys were outside, wrapped in scarves and jackets, trying to untangle the Christmas lights that Cas had gotten from the basement. 

“Who the hell makes them so tangly?” Dean grumbled as he stared at a particularly twisted up knot of lights, as if glaring at it would help it untangle. “I should strangle them with their own lights. That’ll teach those sociopaths to drive people crazy with these frickin lights.”

Cas laughed and kept working on his own knot, letting out a small cry of triumph when the lights unraveled into one long strand. 

“Here, do mine.” Dean pushed his segment of tangled lights towards Cas. “Where’s your ladder?”

Cas gestured to the garage, and Dean trudged through the fast falling snow, shivering against the cold. The weather had worsened since morning, and the wind had picked up. Dean sighed in relief when he got to the shelter of the garage, and stomped his feet on the ground, trying to get rid of the snow piled on his boots.

His eyes scoured the room, looking for the ladder. They latched onto a picture frame, and Dean moved closer to get a better look. He immediately recognized three faces; Cas, Gabe, and Claire. Claire looked younger, with less worry lines on her face. In fact, they all looked younger. Cas looked like he was in either fifth or sixth grade, and his face still had the remains of baby fat on it. Dean smiled to himself and made a mental note to himself to tease Cas about it later. There were three people that Dean did not recognize, though. Cas barely mentioned them, but they were probably his brothers; Lucifer, Michael, and Raphael. Or, as Cas called them, Luci, Mike, and Raph. They were still a mystery to Dean, and he found himself getting increasingly curious about why Cas never talked about them when he was so keen on talking about his mother.

“Have you decided to take a nap in there?” Cas shouted from outside. Dean shook himself and tore his eyes away from the photograph. Calling out an apology, Dean started looking for the ladder again. It took him a few seconds to find it, and he grabbed it, lugging the heavy piece of metal towards the garage door. 

His face was hit with an onslaught of icy cold air, biting at his skin. He wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck and dragged the ladder out, standing it up under the roof, where Cas was already standing. He had a long line of untangled Christmas lights in his hands, and clambered up the ladder before Dean had a chance to offer to do it himself. But, Dean definitely didn’t mind, because holding the ladder from the bottom gave him a great view of a certain someone else’s bottom. 

“I can feel you looking at my ass, Dean.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Dean called up and smiled devilishly.

There was no response. “I’ll take that as a no.” 

Dean chuckled to himself when he heard Cas’s soft grumbling from above, but at that moment the weather decided to send a gust of wind at them, and Cas’s hat flew off his head. Cas dropped the lights and lunged to catch it, foot slipping on the icy rungs of the ladder. His hand closed around the soft fabric of the hat, but his other one closed around air as he plummeted towards the ground and right into Dean’s waiting arms.

“Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven for a second time, angel?” Dean joked again.

Cas giggled and pulled Dean down for a kiss. “No, because both times I was caught by a devilishly handsome man. I don’t know if you’ve seen him. He has bright green eyes and soft hair and smells good.”

Dean chuckled, kissing Cas again. “I think you’re forgetting something.”

With a laugh, Cas swug his legs down and stood up, adding, “Oh yes, and his noble steed is the fastest and greatest in the land.”

“That’s more like it. And no, I don’t think I’ve seen such a man. Are you sure someone that perfect can exist?”

Cas punched Dean lightly in the arm and stuck out his tongue. “I wouldn’t expect someone like you to understand.”

Dean scoffed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, usually people that look like mountain trolls with goiters have a hard time believing that good looking people exist.”

Well excuse him. Dean feigned shock, and placed a hand on his chest in mock offense. Cas laughed and turned away, about to climb up again and finish hanging the lights. He turned back towards Dean to ask him to hold the ladder, and was met with a faceful of snow.

“‘Mountain troll with a goiter’ my ass!” Dean yelled, and Cas quickly put his arms up to shield himself from the oncoming storm of snowballs. His newly returned hat was pushed clean off his head by one of Dean’s snowballs, and Cas was still spitting out snow when he got another one to the face.

He barely had time to make his own ball of snow before Dean was slamming into him, sending them both crashing to the snowy ground. Dean straddled Cas’s waist, and took his gloves off. Cas’s eyes widened when he realized what Dean was about to do. He tried wiggling out from under Dean with no success, and he let out a small scream when Dean’s freezing cold hands found their way under Cas’s jacket and shirt. 

“Oh, you’re so warm.” Dean winked at him and moved his hands up Cas’s body. Cas writhed under him, trying to get rid of Dean’s cold hands.

“I surrender! I surrender!” He cried out, sighing and panting in relief when Dean’s numblingly frigid hands left his stomach. Cas glared at Dean and frantically tucked his sweater back in, pulling his jacket down to block out the cold air.

Dean was still smiling, and he fell back into the snow beside Cas, both of them staring up and the sky. They lay in silence for a few moments, just grinning and breathing in the crisp air.

“Do you want to build a snowman?” Came Cas’s voice, and Dean agreed, hauling himself up from the snow. He turned around to help Cas up, but Cas was still laying spread eagle on the snow. 

At Dean’s confused look, Cas beamed up at him.

“I’m making a snow angel.”


	12. Chapter 12

Cas woke up to the smell of something burning. It was clogging up his nose and filled his lungs and he choked awake, coughing at the raw scent. His eyes flew open and he drew in another breath, hoping he had imagined it. No such luck. Something was burning. Badly.

“Mom?” He croaked out, but got no response. Cas then remembered that his mom wasn’t home. She had been called to the office early this morning, and had woken up a bleary eyed, half asleep Cas at 5am to tell him that she’d be home in time for dinner. 

Then what was burning? Throwing back his blankets and getting up, Cas coughed a bit and tried to get the burning smell out of his system. He tiredly rubbed at his eyes and opened his door, making his way down the hallway and then to the stairs. Passing by the bathroom, he caught a look at himself in the mirror, and ran a hand through his sleep ruffled hair. It did nothing to help, and Cas shrugged and moved on, too tired to care.

He heard a loud noise in the kitchen, followed by cursing. Tensing, Cas quickened his pace, making it down the stairs and rounding the corner to the kitchen in a matter of seconds. And stared.

The smell was ten times stronger near the source, and Cas covered his nose as he took in the sight in front of him. There were baking utensils strewn everywhere, some in the sink, others piled on the counter. And the flour. It covered the tables and counters in a fine sheet of white powder. But that wasn’t the only thing the flour had engulfed. Dean was bent over, arm shoved into the oven up to his shoulder, shrouded from head to toe in a layer of white. 

“Dean, what are you doing?”

Dean’s head snapped up and his face went red. Well, as red as it could get under all that flour. He glanced around the mess of the kitchen, and gave Cas a sheepish look as he put his flour covered hands behind his back.

“I… umm. Baking?”

Cas raised an eyebrow. “Baking?”

“Attempting to bake.”

Cas snorted. “That’s better.” He walked around to where Dean was standing and peered into the oven. Gagging at the burnt smell coming from a black form in the center of the oven, Cas looked back up at Dean. “What were you trying to make? And why at eight am?”

“Well,” Dean ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “Your mom left and I know that she usually makes you breakfast and I get up early anyway so I decided that I’d make you something.” He gestured at the dining room table, where Cas realized there were two plates, both piled high with eggs, bacon, and waffles. “I tried to make blueberry muffins but I sort of forgot about them and they kind of burned.”

Cas smiled up at Dean, who still had his eyes wide with that guilty look. Standing up on his tiptoes, Cas pressed a kiss to Dean’s cheek. “Thank you anyway.”

Dean relaxed a bit and smiled back, reaching out to pull Cas in for a hug, but the younger man twisted out of his reach, laughing. “I’d rather not get flour all over my clothes.” Realizing that he was still covered from head to toe in the white powder, Dean chuckled and said, “At least help me clean this mess up.”

Rolling his eyes with a grin, Cas opened the window in the kitchen, then made his way to the living room, opening the windows in every room of the house. “First we’ve got to get rid of that smell.”

Dean’s laugh was the only thing he got in reply.

*****

Before leaving, his mom had told Cas that he should decorate the tree today, and that’s exactly what he was doing. Dean was just finishing cleaning the kitchen, which he had been doing for almost an hour now. Cas knew that it had to be spotless, or else when his mother returned she’d hang him by the ears.

Cas had brought up the boxes of ornaments and tinsel and garlands from the basement. They had way too many decorations for their own good, and Cas spent a good ten minutes trying to decide if he wanted to use the garland made out of popcorn or the one he made out of buttons the previous year on a particularly boring day at home when he mother was away at work. He finally settled on the popcorn one, as it matched with the golden tinsel.

While hanging up one of the ornaments, out of the corner of his eye Cas saw Dean collapse onto the couch with a mug of tea in his hands. He must have finished in the kitchen.

“Are you gonna help me or just watch?” Cas called over his shoulder, reaching up and adjusting the lights near the top of the tree. 

“Just watch.” Dean said. “I tired myself out scrubbing the kitchen to within an inch of its life.”

Smiling to himself but letting out a loud huff so that Dean could hear, Cas continued his work on the tree, aware of Dean’s eyes following his every move. Grabbing some tinsel, Cas started wrapping it around the tree. Hearing a small noise behind him, he glanced back and saw Dean’s face scrunch up.

“What?”

“You’re doing it wrong.”

Cas gave Dean a confused look. “Doing what wrong?”

“The tinsel.”

Cas looked back and surveyed his work. Seeing nothing wrong with it, he swung his head around and glared at Dean. “It looks fine to me.” He pointed a finger at his soulmate. “And anyway, what are you? The tree police?” He turned back to the tree and continued wrapping it. “You were the one that said you didn’t want to help, so don’t complain.”

Cas finished with the tinsel and dug around in the box for some ornaments. Filling his arms over the top with the decorations, he balanced them precariously as he took one at a time, hanging them all around the tree.

“Wrong!” Came the shout from Dean again. Ignoring him, Cas stood his ground and continued placing the ornaments in random spots on the tree. 

“That’s wrong, too.”

Cas turned on his heel and leveled a glare on his soulmate, who was lounging on the couch, sipping his tea. “Well if you know so much about decorating Christmas trees, please, be my guest and get it right.”

Smirking, Dean got up and strode across the room to Cas, handing him his tea and swapping it for the armful of ornaments. Cas backed away and looked the tree over. There was nothing that was wrong with it as far as he could tell. The tinsel was in place, there were ornaments littering the green expanse of tree. The popcorn garland was a little wonky, but didn’t look too bad.

“Hey!” Cas protested as Dean started taking off his recent additions to the tree. “Put them back! I worked hard on those!”

Snorting, Dean said, “Really? I couldn’t tell.”

Grumbling to himself, Cas stomped back and dropped down onto the couch, taking a deep swing of the tea. That was the wrong move, because he immediately coughed it back up. “How long did you keep the tea bag here for? It tastes so bitter, how do you even drink this?”

Chuckling, Dean glanced at Cas over his shoulder. “I like bitter tea. Why are you drinking my tea, anyway?”

“Bitter like your soul.” Cas mumbled to himself, which earned him an indignant “Hey!” from Dean.

They stayed in silence for a few minutes until Cas piped up, “Can you at least tell me what I did wrong so that I won’t make the same mistakes next time?”

Dean sighed, as if he was preparing himself for a long talk. He then launched into it. “Well, first of all, the colors don’t match at all. You can’t have all of the decorations one color, or else it looks bland. The garland and tinsel should not both be yellow gold. No. Absolutely not. Let’s see if you have anything else in here…” Dean bent down and rummaged around in the box until he brought out the button garland. “Aww this is cute. Did you make it?”

Cas nodded, and Dean smiled at him. “That’s adorable. I didn’t know my angel was into arts and crafts. When’d you make it? Preschool?”

“Last year.”

Dean gave him an amused look as he laughed. “Your artistic skills are astounding.” Turning back to the tree, Dean started wrapping the buttons around. 

“See? The tree is already starting to look more colorful instead of being one monotone color.” Cas had to admit, it did look better with the button garland than with the popcorn one. Maybe Dean really was the tree police.

“And the ornaments that you hung up.” Dean made an exaggerated shudder. “They’re hung so consistently, it’s like I’m back in math class and we’re going over graphs.” Gesturing at the tree, Dean continued, “You have all of the red ones on this side, all the yellow ones in the middle, and all the blue ones over here. You can’t do that. Nope.”

He started hanging and rehanging the ornaments, rearranging them in a way that actually made the tree look much better than it did before. All the while, he was explaining to Cas about color balance and emphasis and pattern. After a span of half an hour or so, Dean’s movements back and forth in front of the tree lulled Cas into closing his eyes, letting Dean’s voice wash over him.

“Cas!” 

Cas was jolted awake by a hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes to find Dean’s face looking down on him. Realizing that he had fallen asleep, Cas yawned and managed a soft, “Hmm?”

“I asked you a question like twenty times and looked over to find that you fell asleep! A bit rude, if you ask me.” Dean sat down on the edge of the couch and crossed his arms.

“What question?” Cas mumbled, still not quite awake after his nap.

“I wanted to know if I could get the ladder.”

Giving Dean a confused look, Cas stretched and sat up. “What for?”

Smiling and ruffling Cas’s hair, Dean leaned in and kissed Cas on the nose. “Well, how else are we supposed to get you to the top of the tree?” 

Cas was confused at first, but at Dean’s wink he realized what his boyfriend had meant. Wrapping his arms around Dean, Cas pulled him down on top of him, pressing their lips together. Dean smiled against his mouth, slipping a hand under Cas’s shirt and running it along his skin. Cas leaned into his touch, and wrapped his arms tighter around Dean.

“Did you finish with the tree?” Cas asked. Dean was still sprawled on top of him, face buried in Cas’s neck. Dean hummed and nodded. Cas looked over and was pleasantly surprised at how nice the tree looked. Whenever he or his mom had decorated, it always looked a little sloppy and lopsided, but Dean had somehow made the tree into something you’d find in a magazine.

“Looks good.” Cas whispered to Dean, who shifted and inhaled deeply, mumbling, “Told you your way was wrong.” 

Laughing, Cas rested his head on Dean’s and closed his eyes. He hadn’t finished his nap.

*****

Cas woke up for the third time that day when he heard a key in the lock and the unmistakable sound of the front door opening. Shifting a bit, Cas realized that Dean had remained in his position on top of Cas, with their legs tangled together and his arms around the younger man. Cas smiled softly at the peaceful look on Dean’s face. He looked so sweet and innocent when he was asleep. Cas would have used the word ‘adorable’, but he didn’t think that Dean would have appreciated that adjective being used on him.

“Cas! Dean! I’m home!” came the voice of his mother, and Cas could hear her putting her keys down on the counter as she shrugged off her coat and took off her shoes. 

Trying not to wake Dean, Cas called out softly, “We’re in the living room.”

From his horizontal and limited view of the room, Cas only felt it as his mom walked in. “Oh, Cas. The tree looks wonderful! But where are y-” Her question was cut short as she made her way around the back of the couch and saw the boys. Her eyes softened, and she let out a soft, “Aww” at the sight of the cuddling Cas and Dean.

“I’ll be right back.” She mouthed, noticing that Dean was asleep, and tiptoed out of the room. There was a large chance that she’d come back with her phone to take a picture, and Cas was not disappointed when she returned.

Waving her hand at him, Claire mouthed, “Pretend you’re asleep.” Sighing with a smile, Cas closed his eyes and settled back down, pressing his face into Dean’s hair, inhaling that scent that was now so familiar to him. He heard the sound the phone made when it took a picture, but he didn’t bother opening his eyes. 

“Are you boys hungry?” Claire asked. Cas thought for a moment.The last time either of them ate was hours back when they had leftover spaghetti and meatballs from the day before. He nodded, and his mom bustled away into the kitchen where he heard her opening and closing cabinets and taking out food from the refrigerator. Cas closed his eyes and brought his hand up to Dean’s head, starting to softly run his hands through Dean’s hair.

Letting out a quiet moan of content, Dean shifted slightly on top of Cas. Scolding himself for waking Dean up, Cas stopped stroking Dean’s hair and dropped his hand back to his side. 

“Mmm, no. Don’ stop.” Dean’s voice was muffled by Cas’s neck, but he heard Dean anyway. Smiling, Cas moved his hand to Dean’s head again and resumed running his fingers through Dean’s hair. His soulmate let out a noise that was almost a purr as Cas tugged softly on the hair at the back of his neck. 

Cas was about to drift off to sleep again when his mom came in again, announcing that dinner was ready. Cas heaved a sigh and poked Dean, who mumbled something about leaving him alone. Cas made a split second decision and started running his fingers along Dean’s sides, tickling him. 

Giggling, Dean squirmed on top of Cas, trying to bat away his soulmate’s hands but still not getting off of him. Determined to get his way, Cas moved his fingers faster up and down Dean’s ribs. 

“Stop-” Dean managed to gasp out between laughs. “I can’t-” Cas hit a particularly ticklish spot and Dean howled with laughter.

“I’ll stop if you get off.” Cas said, smiling devilishly. 

Dean lasted another few seconds before he rolled off of Cas and jumped back, stumbling over his own feet in his rush to get away. Cas couldn’t help but stare as Dean straightened up and ran a hand through his hair. Dean’s shirt was rumpled and his hair was ruffled, giving him an incredibly lovable ‘I just woke up’ look, which was true. He was panting slightly from their tickling ordeal, and not for the first time Cas raked his eyes over Dean’s body, mesmerized by the rising and falling of Dean’s chest. 

“Boys! What are you doing in there!” His mother’s voice came from the kitchen, snapping out of his admiration of Dean, who had stretched out a hand and pulled Cas up from off the couch. Exchanging a soft kiss, they then walked hand in hand into the kitchen, where Claire had prepared a delicious smelling dinner of sauteed sweet potatoes and kale.

“I see you’ve decorated the tree.” Claire said, piling potatoes onto their plates. “I’ve gotta admit, it looks better than last year. Or the year before that.” 

Grinning, Dean puffed out his chest proudly. “You can thank me for that. The angel here couldn’t have managed it if it weren’t for-”

“The fricking tree police over there.” Cas interrupted, shooting a mock glare at Dean. “He was monitoring my every move, and would scream ‘Wrong!’ anytime the ornaments were 5 millimeters apart instead of 10. It was exhausting.”

Dean stuck his tongue out at Cas, then, as if remembering something, he jumped up and sprinted out of the room, coming back a second later with his phone, which he had left on the coffee table in the living room. Dropping down into his seat, he then passed his phone to Cas’s mom, who promptly choked on the water she was drinking. 

Leaning over, Cas saw what Dean was showing her. It was a video of Cas decorating the tree, humming softly to himself, shaking his hips slightly. Cas looked up from the phone and was met with the laughing faces of his mom and Dean.

“Well no wonder Dean had to fix the tree.” His mother laughed and patted his hand. “It looked atrocious.”

Harrumphing, Cas folding his arms and glared at Dean. 

“Relax, angel. You looked adorable.” Dean winked at him. “How could I resist?”

Realizing that he could never stay mad at Dean, Cas rolled his eyes and started working on the mountain of potatoes heaped on his plate. The melt-in-your-mouth food immediately put Cas in a better mood, as did the bickering between the three of them. 

When they were finished, Cas was about to collect the plates and bring them to the sink to wash them when his mother stopped him. 

“Don’t go yet. I have to talk to you.”

The look she gave Cas made his stomach churn, and he quickly sobered up, the smile leaving his face. It was rare that Claire used that apologetic tone on him, but whenever she did, it was always bad news.

Cas’s fears were confirmed when his mom started fiddling with her sweater sleeve, a habit that Cas had inherited from her. Both of them only did it when they were extremely nervous or scared. Cas could only sit and wait and hope for the best.

“I was called to the office today because of work. You know that Cas.” She started. Cas nodded. His mother worked as a travel nurse, rarely getting a chance to stay home. The money was good, but it also meant that Cas saw very little of his mother. 

“Jody was supposed to be on the flight to Vancouver from tomorrow morning to the day after Christmas, but she went skiing with her family yesterday and got hurt. She can’t make the flight, and everyone else is on vacation.” Cas already knew what she was going to say next. “Except for me. Management wants me on the flight tomorrow. So… I can’t be here for Christmas.”

There was a moment of silence.

Then Cas burst out, “That’s not fair! Surely there must be someone else? Anyone else?” 

Claire shook her head sadly.

“I was looking forward to spending Christmas with you for months now! You promised you’d be here! You promised.” Cas knew he shouldn’t have been getting this emotional, but he couldn’t help himself. He saw his mother so rarely and for such short periods of time, and he had been sitting on pins and needles waiting for Christmas with his mom for weeks and weeks. To take that away from him was cruel, and they all knew it.

“I know. I’m sorry, Cas, I really am. But I told them I would do it.” Claire reached out and put a hand on his arm, but he pulled away. As an afterthought, he pushed away his chair and stood up, then marched out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room. 

Slamming the door shut, Cas dropped onto his bed and put his head in his hands. Why couldn’t they have found anyone else? Why did it have to be his mom? The year before this one she had flown away on Christmas, too, leaving Cas to spend the holiday with Gabriel at Gabe’s apartment. Their Christmas Dinner had consisted of leftover pizza and Burger King, and instead of a tree, they wrapped the TV in tinsel and pretended that everything was fine.

But on coming back, Cas's mother had promised him that this Christmas she’d spend with him. She had promised, and Cas knew for a fact that his mother was a woman of her word. Well, at least until now.

He heard the door ease open and someone’s footsteps approached his bed. The mattress dipped with the added weight of another person, and Cas knew from the gentle way the arms encircled him that it was his mother.

“I’m so sorry, Cas. I know I promised, but there’s nobody else that’s available. I wish it were different, but…” She trailed off, and Cas wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her shoulder, trying not to cry. “I’ll give you your presents on the day I come back, does that sound ok?” 

No. No it didn’t. But Cas didn’t have a choice, so he sniffed and nodded. “That’s ok.”

They stayed like that for a minute, then Claire pulled back and cupped Cas’s face in her hands. Giving him a quick kiss on the nose, she whispered, “I need to go pack.” Feeling Cas stiffen, she added, “Why don’t you set up under the tree? You can ask Dean to join you?”

Cas nodded again, and when his mom left the room he sighed and heaved his blanket and pillows into his arms and went downstairs. Dean, who had apparently insisted on doing the dishes while Claire went upstairs to talk to Cas, looked up as he was finishing drying the last few plates. His eyes flashed quickly from sympathy to confusion as he took in the sight of the blankets and pillows. He wiped his hands on a towel and walked into the living room, where Cas was setting up his blankets almost right under the tree.

“Is this because of the tree decorating incident? Are you marking your territory now?” Dean joked lightly as he sat down on the couch across from Cas. Cas couldn’t help but smile.

“No, it’s just that ever since I was a little kid, the first night we set up the tree, be it real or fake, I’d always sleep under it. My brothers would laugh at me, but it was fun, so I did it every year.” Looking down at himself and chuckling, Cas continued. “I’m obviously too big to fit under it now, but I still sleep around it every year.” Even the previous year, even though it hadn’t been a tree but a TV he slept under.

“Am I allowed to sleep under the tree, too, or is that strictly a Cas Only Tradition?”

Cas didn’t hesitate in answering. “I’ll help you bring your blankets.” 

Dean grinned from ear to ear and grabbed Cas’s hand as they went up the stairs. The door to Clair’s room was closed, but they could hear the sounds of her packing from inside. Cas’s smile dimmed a bit, but he tried his best to keep it up as he was handed a pillow from Dean’s bed.

They set Dean’s blanket and pillow up right beside Cas’s. Claire came downstairs to set up the fireplace and tell them goodnight, kissing both of them on the forehead before turning off the lights and going back up to her room. 

Dean wrapped Cas in his arms, pulling him close to his chest. Whispering a soft “I’m sorry” into Cas’s hair, Dean started rubbing small, comforting circles into Cas’s back. Cas sighed, whether from happiness or sadness, he couldn’t decide, and melted into Dean.

And with the sound of Dean’s heartbeat in his ear, the warm orange glow from the fire at his back, and the reflecting blues, reds, and yellows of the ornaments radiating with a happiness that he didn’t feel, Cas fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to the beginnings of Angstland!  
> I hope y'all like angst bc you're in for a treat >:D


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the angst commence!

It was the day before Christmas, and Cas was in one of the worst moods of his life. He couldn’t remember a time when he had been this upset or angry. Ever. Yes, he had been disappointed at last year’s Christmas, and yes, it had been a huge let down, but it was nothing compared to the emotions roiling inside him at the moment.

Dean had tried to make him feel better after he had hugged his mom goodbye before she left for the airport. Dean had made him hot chocolate and smores, and had blasted Bruno Mars songs from a speaker and danced ridiculously through the house, trying to get Cas to dance and sing along. At the sight of Dean’s flailing arms and kicking feet and movements that looked more like he was having a seizure than actually dancing, Cas had smiled, but nothing more. 

It was three in the afternoon, and Cas’s day hadn’t been productive in the least. After having breakfast with his mother and then saying goodbye, Cas had marched upstairs and dove under his covers, refusing to come out until hours later, and only then it was because Dean had almost pushed him off of the bed to eat lunch. Any other day, Dean’s prepared chicken nuggets would have made Cas’s day, but this day it just served as a reminder of Cas’s missing mom. While Dean was talking away and shoveling food into his mouth, Cas could do nothing but stare out the window and pick at the food on his plate. 

After lunch, Dean had smiled softly at Cas and had insisted that he do the dishes. Cas hadn’t objected, and had gone to sit on the couch and turn on Netflix, where he absentmindedly chose a random movie to watch.

Dean had joined him after putting the dishes in the dishwasher, and since then, neither boy had moved from their spots on the couch. Usually, Cas would have cuddled up against Dean and wrapped his arms around him, but today he opted to curl up at the edge of the couch and stick to himself. As much as he saw that that hurt Dean, he couldn’t help it. He was upset and frustrated and, if he was being honest, he didn’t even remember what movie he chose. From the giggles and snorts Dean was letting out every few minutes, it must have been a funny one, but Cas couldn't bring himself to laugh. Not when he was in such a bad mood.

The movie ended, and after a few minutes of silence and Dean staring at him, Cas realized that he still had the remote. Uncurling himself from his fetal position, he stretched out the remote to Dean and turned back to stare blankly at the screen.

“What movie do you want to watch next?” Dean asked tentatively. 

Cas shrugged. He didn’t care.

A small smile graced Dean’s face, and he quietly teased, “I don’t think there’s a movie called,” he shrugged. He had obviously hoped that it would have gotten a laugh out of Cas, and was disappointed when Cas made no response.

Dean sighed. “Mask of Zorro it is, then.”

Another hour and a half passed between them, just as awkward and silent as the previous one.

This time when the movie was over, Dean didn’t bother turning on the next one. He just put the remote down and folded his arms, no doubt trying to find a way to lift Cas’s spirits, or, at the very least, get Cas to talk to him. 

Cas hated himself right now. He knew he was being unfair. He knew he was being an asshole. But, knowing that he was being ridiculous and actually doing something about it were two very different things. So he kept silent, brooding and fuming, mad at himself and his mother and the world.

When Dean finally opened his mouth, Cas had been expecting a joke. A pun. Maybe even a funny story about Dean’s childhood, which he had so many of up his sleeve. What he was not expecting was the quiet whisper that came out of Dean’s mouth.

“My mother died when I was four.”

Cas froze. 

“I never really got to know her.”

“Dean, you don’t have to-”

“It’s fine.” Dean glanced at Cas out of the corner of his eye. “I know your mom problems, so I guess it’s only fair if you know mine.”

Dean never talked about his mother. Never. There were mentions of her here and there, and Cas knew that he kept a photo of her in his wallet, but neither Sam nor Dean ever outright talked about her. Cas hadn’t even known her name until a few months ago.

“I only remember a little about her. She used to make something called the Winchester Surprise.” Dean smiled at the memory. “It was a heart attack on a plate, it was so greasy and fatty, but my dad and I loved it. And her meatloaf.” Dean grinned and closed his eyes, letting out a sigh of content. He opened his eyes back up and looked at Cas. “It was to die for.”

Cas felt himself soften. He knew how hard this was for Dean. He hadn’t asked him to share, but the look on Dean’s face made Cas refrain from stopping him.

“When Sammy was born, I remember her being so happy. We all were.” Dean’s face became sad then. “Until the fire.”

Cas reached out and took Dean’s hand into his own, intertwining their fingers and squeezing. 

“Nobody knows how it started, but suddenly my dad was pushing Sammy into my arms and screaming at me to get him out of the house and then he ran out later with my mom. She had burns all over her but she was alive. Barely.”

Dean’s breath hitched.

“They took her to the hospital. I remember we used to visit her every weekend. I hated seeing all the tubes and white sheets on her.” Dean’s voice was growing quieter and quieter. “She was going to get better. That’s what the doctors said. But then the doctor assigned to her messed up her medication and her condition got worse. And they told us we couldn’t do anything about it. We could only watch her die.”

Dean trailed off for a minute, and then took a deep breath and continued.

“My dad started to get really weird. He started drinking, and would leave us in hotel rooms for days on end doing who knows what, who knows where. So basically it’s just been me and Sammy against the world since then.”

No wonder Dean loved his brother so much. Cas suddenly realized that nobody but Dean called Sam ‘Sammy’. Sam always introduced himself as Sam, and now that Cas thought about it, there had been multiple occasions in which someone had called Sam ‘Sammy’ and the taller student had almost growled at them to call him ‘Sam’. Even his best friends didn’t call him ‘Sammy’. That spot had already been taken by the person Sam loved most in his life.

Dean was still talking. He told Cas about his own Christmases, which were usually spent in crappy hotel rooms and with convenience store candy as presents. How Dean had to take random jobs with low pay just to support him and Sam. How Dean had worked and worked over the years for money to give Sam so that his little brother could go to college. How Dean’s father would get drunk and come home without the ability to cook for himself. Dean’s cooking talents made sense now. As did a lot about who he was a why.

Cas was grateful that his mother hadn’t gone rogue the way Dean’s father had after she lost Cas’s father. Cas couldn’t have imagined a life without his mother, or any mother, for that matter.

“I probably talked you to sleep there, didn’t I?” Dean tried to joke when he finished, but Cas could tell that the information revealed to him in the past five minutes was more than Dean had told people over five years. Cas understood. He knew that he himself didn’t talk about his family much. Maybe he owed Dean that.

“My dad left pretty soon after I was born.” Cas started. “I don’t really know why. He just took off one day and didn’t come back. He left my mom with five kids. Boys, of all things.” That brought a small smile to Dean’s face.

“My older brothers, Mike and Luci, would always fight. I don’t think there ever was a conversation between the two of them that didn’t end in a punching match. Mom went crazy trying to keep them from beating the crap out of each other. Their fights got so bad that sometimes they’d throw things around, both at each other and at anyone who got in their way.”

Cas hesitated for only a moment before pulling his sweater collar down to reveal his collarbone, and the small scar on it. During a particularly bad fight, Luci had thrown a glass plate across the room, and Cas had just rounded the corner to the kitchen when the plate shattered against him and embedded a piece of glass the size of his thumb into his collarbone. He didn’t think he’d ever seen his mother as angry as she’d been that day.

Dean’s sharp intake of breath pulled Cas back from his memories. Shrugging and pulling the sweater back up to cover it, he lied, “I don’t remember much about it.” He didn’t need Dean’s worry.

“Raph was always independent. It’s no wonder he left home as soon as he could. He barely talked, but you could tell that he didn’t like the way things were run. He used to try to be the boss of everyone and tell my mom how she’s raising us wrong, but after being told off one too many times, he just stopped. He’d stay in his room for days on end, only coming out to eat.” Cas didn’t know his older brother very well, but he didn’t like him. If he was being honest, he was glad that Raph had packed up and left home as soon as he got his driver's license.

Cas ran a hand through his hair, sighing. “We drove my mom crazy, the lot of us. With Luci and Mike fighting all the time, Raph trying to be the boss of everyone and then just not talking. And Gabe.” Cas snorted. “Gabe always tried to play pranks on us, not taking anything seriously.” He let out a breath of air. “We were a handful. She worked at a hospital a few hours away, just in case something happened at home. We all knew she wanted to travel, but I guess she couldn’t take a job like that with us around. She couldn’t become a travel nurse, not while we were all living here. I guess we all knew that, too. Luci and Mike left for college as soon as they could, going as far away from us and each other as possible. I don’t think I’ve seen them or Raph in years.”

Dean squeezed his hand. 

“I don’t mind, though. Too much drama, if you ask me. Having Gabe over is enough trouble. I don’t think if the entire family was in one house, all of us would make it out alive.”

They both chuckled at that.

“And with them gone, my mom got to get out of that hospital and become a travel nurse. She’s been all over the world, and I’m happy for her, even if it means that I don’t get to see her as often.”

“I saw pictures of you guys in the basement.” Dean said after a few seconds of silence.

The look Cas gave him must have been one of confusion, because Dean then clarified, “When I was getting the ladder for the lights a few days ago.”

Oh.

“You look a lot like your mom.” Dean remarked. “Even though your hair is different colors. But your eyes look the same. And your face shape. And your ears. And your nose.” Dean was getting funny now, trying to pull the conversation up a bit. Cas rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face. “And your arms. And your hands.” Dean’s voice suddenly dropped to a whisper. “And you butts.”

Cas snorted at that and glared at Dean, smacking him on the arm. “I don’t know if that’s a compliment to me or an insult to her.”

Dean laughed and batted Cas’s hand away. “You’ve got it all mixed up, angel. She should be honored that she has an ass as great as yours.”

Sticking his tongue out at Dean, Cas was secretly glad that Dean had started joking. He didn’t know how much more family sharing he could have done without snapping. Family had always been a sore topic for Cas. People were constantly leaving him. First his father. Then Raph. Then Luci and Mike. Then Gabe. And now his mom. 

The thought of his mom brought back a wave of suppressed emotions, and Cas felt himself slip back into that small pit of loneliness and betrayal. 

Dean sensed that Cas was curling in on himself again, and quickly blurted out, “Do you have more pictures of your family?”

Cas blinked, surprised. He then nodded, and taking Dean’s hand, led him across the house and down to the basement.

He flipped on the lights and made his way down the creaky stairs that his mother kept promising that she would call someone to fix. If this kept up, Cas would have to fix them himself. Too bad he didn’t even know the first thing about using a hammer and a nail.

They reached the bottom of the stairs and Cas immediately made a beeline for the tower of boxes at the far corner of the room. Heaving one of them into his arms, he brought it to the old stingy couch that Dean had draped himself over. Dropping it to the floor, he shoved at Dean until the older smiling boy shifted his body to make room for Cas. 

“That’s a hell of a lot of dust.” Dean said as he traced a smiley face into the layer of dust settled at the top of the box.

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock.” Cas snorted, prompting Dean to chuckle at the sarcasm in his voice.

He pried the flaps open and opened the box.

He was not prepared for the scream that Dean let out, nor the rush of air that hit him when Dean almost flew across the room and up the stairs, disappearing from view. Cas was left wide eyed and confused, hands still holding the box flaps.

“Dean?” He called warily. Was something wrong?

“Is it gone?” Came Dean’s voice from the top of the stairs. “Is it dead? Did you kill it?”

Cas furrowed his brows. Was what dead? He stopped craning his neck to try to see Dean and instead looked back down into the box. Oh.

There was a spider on the first photo album in the box. It had no doubt made the box its home, and was clearly not happy with the commotion going on around it, and was running back and forth along the cover of the album.

“Dean, it’s just a spider. It’s not going to hurt you.”

“You don’t know that! It could be poisonous! It could kill you! Get away from it!” 

Cas laughed to himself and shook his head. Who would have thought that Dean ‘I’m Not Afraid Of Anyone Or Anything Because I’m So Tough’ Winchester would be scared of spiders.

Cas reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue, softly dropping it onto the spider and then picking it up, careful not to crush it. He got up and padded up the stairs to where Dean was cowering at the top. 

Dean’s face was relieved at the sight of the tissue, and he straightened back up, running his hand through his hair. “Thank God you killed it.” He let out a breath.

“Oh it’s still alive.” Cas said, gesturing with the tissue. 

Dean’s eyes went comically wide as he realized what Cas meant, and he backed away as Cas marched past him and to the nearest window, opening it and shaking the spider out of the tissue and onto the grass outside.

“There. Are you happy-” Cas’s words got cut off as he turned around and was met by a lung crushing embrace from Dean. 

“You could have died!” Dean pulled back and exclaimed. He over exaggerated his movements as he put his hand up to his forehead and pretended to swoon. “My hero!”

Cas rolled his eyes again and made his way back down the stairs, smiling softly. Dean was ridiculous, but Cas couldn’t deny that he was thankful for Dean’s jokes and laughter. They made the room brighter and Cas’s life happier.

It was mere minutes later that Cas took everything back. He did not like Dean’s laughter. Not one bit. Not when it was directed at a picture of baby Cas in diapers, sucking on his own foot. Or when it was aimed at another picture of Cas, this time with his head stuck in a chair.

By the time they were done with the first photo album, Dean was almost in tears at the amount of laughter coming out of his body. He couldn’t seem to stop, getting himself under control only to flip a page and find an even more humiliating picture of Cas on it, driving him into hysterics again.

“You got a what stuck up your nose?” Dean wheezed out as he clutched at his stomach and giggled at the picture of the medical record in the album. “A bead? Why?”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Cas prepared himself for the bout of laughter after he said the words, “I wanted to know how it smelled so I shoved it up my nose.”

Dean full out started cackling at that. There were tears in his eyes and Cas would have bet money on the guess that his neighbors could hear the hoots of laughter coming from the house. Cas had stopped trying to shush Dean a while ago. Not only was it useless, but he also wasn’t in the mood for it. Not this time.

“And you had to go to a doctor to get it out?” Cas nodded at Dean’s question. “How far up was it?”

“Far enough.”

Dean giggled again. “The doctors must have thought you were insane.”

“No, actually. There have been much MUCH weirder things in their offices. Trust me.” Cas said. He then remembered. “My mom actually had this one guy that had a stick of salt stuck up his butt because he thought it would repel ghosts.”

Dean giggled at that.

“I actually think we might have his file somewhere down here.”

Dean’s eyes suddenly went wide and he sat up from his lounged position on the couch. “Your mom keeps her patient’s old records here?”

Cas nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know why though.” He gestured to some boxes near the stairs. “We sometimes go through them, and she shows me what dumb things people have been checked in to the hospital for.” Seeing the look on Dean’s face, Cas added, “If you want I could show you the papers of this dude who was said to have been mauled by a crocodile in the sewers, but I have no clue to why he was down there in the first place.”

Even before Cas had finished talking, Dean had got up and lunged for the boxes and ripped off the tops, letting out a low whistle at the amount of names and files inside. Looking up at Cas, he winked, and said, “Your mom must have had a lot of patience for all these patients.”

Cas groaned and also got up, shoving Dean in the shoulder as he came up behind him. “You’re not funny, you know.”

Dean pursed his lips. “I think I’m adorable.”

Cas rolled his eyes again and reached down to open another box, the one he knew would have the file with the man with the salt stick up his butt. He quickly flipped right to the Z section, grateful that his mother kept the names alphabetized. Zeddmore Zeddmore Zeddmore he chanted under his breath. Aha! He found it.

He took the file out and was just about to wave it triumphantly in Dean’s direction when he heard a loud string of curses come from behind him and turned just in time to see the box Dean had been looking through topple over, sending files and papers all over the floor.

Great. That was just what Cas needed.

Dean finished cursing and stared in silence at the mess, then looking up at Cas sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Cas tried not to grumble, but it came out harsher than he wanted anyway. 

Dean dropped down and started picking up the files one by one, and Cas set the box back upright, soon joining Dean on the floor. Some of the names were familiar. Cas remembered Claire talking about some of them. The name Jody Mills was familiar. So was Donna Hanscum. His mother had liked those patients. In fact, Jody had visited them once at the house after Claire had helped her get better following a hunting accident. She had been nice, and Cas could tell why his mother had talked about her so fondly.

Cas saw Dean reach for another file and add it to his pile. If they kept this pace up, it would be a while before they’d finish. Not that Cas had anything better to do. If he had it his way, he’d be in his room, lying in his bed, staring at the wall. But Dean couldn’t have that. He would make sure that Cas was taken care of and happy-

Dean froze beside him. Cas blew it off as another one of his jokes and went to grab another file from off the floor. Dean still hadn’t moved. Cas glanced at Dean’s face and was surprised to see that it wasn’t smiling or grinning devilishly at him. It was frozen in an expression that Cas didn’t know how to read. He reached for another file.

“What is this?”

Cas almost missed it, Dean had said it so low. If he didn’t know any better, Cas would have thought that it had been a growl. But that wasn’t right. Dean didn’t growl. Not at him. Not at anyone.

“What is what?” Cas asked.

Dean turned his gaze onto Cas, and Cas realized that something was very wrong.

Dean thrust a file at Cas, who barely had time to catch it before it slammed into his chest. Why was Dean looking at him like that? Just a second ago he was laughing and joking and making fun of him. What had gotten him to riled up? What-

Cas looked down and froze.

In his hands was a file with two words printed at the top.

Mary Winchester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cackles evilly*  
> Sorry this took me so long to write. I recently got too invested in Ninety One Whiskey and for those of you who haven't read it, please PLEASE do so ASAP  
> *retreats into writing cave of evilness as I leave y'all on this cliffhanger*


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for the angst. Enjoy.

Mary Winchester.

_ She was going to get better.  _

Both boys stared at that name like it was the only thing keeping them alive. Neither dared look away, in fear of what they would find on the other’s face. 

_ That’s what the doctors said. _

Cas didn’t think he was processing correctly. In fact, he didn’t think that he was thinking at all. His brain seemed to have just stopped. Stopped running and functioning and working and just stopped. 

_ But then the doctor assigned to her messed up her medication and her condition got worse. _

Because he was in denial. His mother might have been storing files for someone else. This file had been mixed in with hers by accident. There might have been another lady named Mary Winchester that just happened to fall under his mother’s care.

_ And they told us we couldn’t do anything about it.  _

Because Claire Novak could not have killed Mary Winchester.

_ We could only watch her die. _

“What the hell is this?” 

Dean was the first to speak. His voice was low and gravelly and it sounded to Cas that he was speaking as though his throat was filled with glass shards. Cas didn’t think that he’d ever heard Dean talk in a voice anything near the almost growl he was letting out now.

“Did you know about this?” Dean hissed out, pointing a shaking finger at the medical records clutched in Cas’s hands. He realized that he was crumpling the papers with how hard he was holding them. He also realized that he couldn’t care less.

Cas found his voice and looked up, meeting Dean’s furious gaze. “There must be a mistake. I don’t-”

Dean cut him off, snarling. “I asked you a question.”

Cas flinched. Dean never spoke to him like that. Ever. It was always with kindness and tenderness and love. Never with this hate-filled tone of voice that made it sound as if they were worst enemies instead of soulmates.

“No,” Cas answered. “No, I didn’t know about this, but I’m telling you right now, Dean. There’s been a mistake.”

“Oh, yeah? Then how do you explain this?” Dean ripped the records from Cas’s grasp, stabbing his finger into the page. Into the finely printed  _ Mary Winchester _ at the top. 

“It could have been a mix up,” His voice was shaky and unsure, as if he doubted his own mother. But no. He didn’t. Cas knew his mother and he knew that she would never do something like that. And she’d never keep it from him. Ever. Would she? “Dean, please. Listen to me.”

Cas reached out to put a hand on Dean’s arm, but the older boy jerked away, standing up and backing away from Cas and the hundreds of patient files still spilled all over the floor. Neither of them paid any mind to those.

“It could have been one of her colleagues. It could have been a dozen different things. There’s probably an explainable reason behind this,” Cas rose to his feet carefully, keeping his voice calm. Well, as calm as it could have possibly gotten. 

Because how could he possibly have been calm when Dean was accusing his mother of murder.

Dean was shaking his head and gritting his teeth. His eyes blazed and if Cas had merely dented the papers, Dean almost folded them in half with his furious grip on them. 

An idea clawed its way through the thoughts racing through Cas’s head, and he started for the stairs, not waiting for Dean to follow. “I’ll call her. I’ll call her and we’ll sort everything out.”

That’s what he kept telling himself as he broke into a run on the stairs. He’d call his mother and she’d tell them that this was all a big misunderstanding. That she was keeping files for a friend. That this one accidentally got mixed into her boxes. That it wasn’t Mary Winchester, mother of Sam and Dean Winchester, that got admitted that day. That she didn’t even know anyone named Mary Winchester. That Dean was wrong and she wasn’t a murderer.

Cas got to his room in a matter of seconds and yanked the door open, almost falling into the room. He stumbled to his bed stand and ripped the charger out of his phone. His fingers shook as he tapped out the password. It took a few tries to get it, by which time Dean had made it to his room as well.

The anger seemed to have been sucked out of Dean, leaving behind it a broken shell of a boy that was lost and confused and alone. One that looked at Cas and seemed as if he were staring right through him, those green eyes devoid of emotion.

Cas finally got his fingers to listen to him and unlocked his phone, then swiped ferociously to get to his mother’s contact. He hesitated, finger poised right above her icon.

He pressed it.

Holding the phone to his ear, Cas turned around, not wanting to see Dean’s face. Not wanting his gaze to be drawn to that white piece of paper with those two words on it. He had to focus.

The room was completely silent except for the lone ringing, ripping through the air, shattering the quiet. And as it rang and rang and rang, it was also slowly shattering Cas’s hope. 

_ Please, please, please pick up. _

But whatever god was up above, he clearly didn’t hear Cas. Because Claire didn’t pick up.

Cas lowered the phone from his ear and turned back around to Dean, feeling as if he was moving through sludge. 

Nobody said anything.

“I can call again.”

Cas’s voice was small and quiet. The laughs and giggles that they had shared mere minutes ago were forgotten. 

“I don’t need you to call.” The anger was returning. It was seeping into Dean, filling him up. Cas could sense it. He could see it. See the way Dean’s fingers clenched tighter, the way his eyes hardened. The way his mouth set itself into a thin line that seemed as if it had never known happiness.

“But she can give us proof-”

“All the proof we need is right here.” Dean growled out and lifted the hand with the medical records in it, almost shaking them at Cas.

The anger radiated off of Dean in waves, and Cas felt it leach onto him, slowly soaking its way into his body. He dropped his phone onto his bed.

“Stop accusing her.” Cas ground out. He was done trying to be nice. His mother was not a murderer. He wouldn’t believe that piece of paper. Not if it was the last thing he did.

“You have blind faith in her, but you have to-”

“Blind faith?!” Cas cried out incredulously. “She’s-”

Dean cut him off. “You barely see her. She’s always away for work. You don’t even know her.”

“I know her enough to know that she wouldn’t kill someone!” 

They’ve reached the point of yelling now, and Cas didn’t know who was angrier. But he did know who was right. And it wasn’t Dean.

Cas couldn’t help his next outburst. “You wouldn’t understand that kind of blind faith because you’ve never had a mother. Never had a family like that.” 

He regretted what he said immediately. His mind was reeling and he opened his mouth to apologize. To say he was sorry. To tell Dean that he’d try calling again. Anything.

But Dean beat him to it.

“And whose fault is that?”

The apology that was about to take off into the air was quickly caught and buried deep down.

“My mother did not kill your mom!” Cas snarled, surprised at his own capacity to do so. “It could have been another Mary Winchester! Why-”

Dean scoffed and his mouth twisted into a smile that held no mirth. “How many other Mary Winchesters do you know that died on November second?”

Cas refused to believe it. “It could have been an accident,” He was desperate now. Trying to find an excuse. Any excuse.

“How do you kill someone accidentally?” 

“I don’t know!” Cas almost screamed. He didn’t know anything. He didn’t know why the file was there. He didn’t know why his mother had hid it from him. He didn’t know what he should do. 

“I’ll call her again.” His voice was a whisper now. Cas’s shoulders slumped and he shrank into himself. He was a little kid again, needing comfort. But this time, there was no mother to help him. No mother to hold him and tell him that everything would be fine.

No, his mother was gone. And she had the files of a dead woman in her basement.

Cas turned and seized the phone off his bed. His hands were still shaking and he dreaded those moments of silence when he’d try and try and try to get his password right. 

But this time he’d be brave. He’d hold Dean’s gaze and he wouldn’t turn his back to him. He’d stare Dean down and when Claire would pick up, he’d show Dean that Cas was right. And Dean would apologize and Cas would finally get this weight from off of his chest. He would be able to breath.

And, steeling himself, Cas turned back around.

And froze.

Dean was staring at his hands. The papers were gone. In their place was Cas’s pride and joy. His one of a kind. His favorite souvenir. His one, most important possession. 

And Dean had it in his hands. The record. The signed vinyl record. The one that Cas traveled hours and hours to get signed. The one that, just weeks ago, he had proudly given Dean to hold.

Dean was holding it now, too. But this time it wasn’t with awe and care. This time it was with malice, bordering on hate.

The phone dropped back onto the bed. 

“You put that down. Right. Now.”

Cas’s voice was dangerous and low. Dean was teetering on the edge of doing something that Cas would not - could not - forgive.

“Or what?” Dean snarled, looking up for a second, the record still in his hands. “You’ll set your killer mother loose on me, too?”

That was it.

Dean was now falling over the edge, down, down, down.

And Cas was having none of it.

He lunged at Dean, slamming into him. Dean wasn’t expecting it and stumbled back. Cas was clawing and scrabbling for the record, but Dean used his height to an advantage and held it up, away from Cas’s hands.

“Give it to me!” Cas growled and grappled with Dean’s arm, trying to bring it down. 

“No,” Dean hissed and danced out of Cas’s way.

He leapt forward and jumped up, hands closing around the record, pulling it down with him. It was wrenched from Dean’s grasp and he swung out, trying to get it back.

And his hand collided with the record, sending it flying out of Cas’s hands and through the air. 

There was a second of silence. Just one, before it was pierced by the breaking and shattering of the vinyl record against the ground.

Nobody moved.

Cas’s head was ringing and his vision was blurred and his hands shook and he could see Dean’s head swing towards him and he was just done. Done with Dean. Done with everything.

“Get out.”

Cas met Dean’s gaze. The one that held a trace of regret. The one that had a mouth that was no doubt opening to apologize. To say that it was sorry for shattering Cas’s life. 

“Get the fuck out of my house.”

Dean’s eyes hardened and his jaw clenched and his hands curled into fists and he didn’t look at Cas before turning on his heel and striding out the door, slamming it behind him.

Seconds later Cas heard the sounds of the Impala’s engine as it roared out of the driveway and down the street. Away from the house. Away from the broken record on the floor.

Away from Cas.

If his hands were shaking before, it was nothing compared to the tremors going through Cas’s body now. He picked up the phone again and dialed his mother’s number.

The ringing went on and on endlessly.

Nobody answered.

Cas sat down on the bed and stared at the jagged remains of his prized possession. And he could do nothing. Nothing but keep still helplessly as his mind raced towards thoughts that Cas was sure were wrong. 

But maybe they weren’t.

Maybe his mother really had killed Mary Winchester.

Maybe she had been hiding it this entire time.

Maybe Dean’s life was ruined by an alcoholic father and a missing mother because of Claire.

Maybe Dean was right.

Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe...

Maybe it had all been a mistake.

Him and Dean.

Maybe the name on his wrist was wrong.

Because how could Dean look at him again after this? 

How could they ever be together when they both knew that his mother killed Dean’s?

His phone buzzed.

His screen lit up.

A text.

From Dean?

No.

It was Gabe, saying he was sorry that Claire left. 

But that was the least of Cas’s problems now.

He looked at his lockscreen. Cas could feel his heart splintering like the record at his feet as he looked at the picture of him and Dean, arms around each other, smiling.

Cas didn’t think he’d smile ever again. 

His mind abandoned everything else and focused on the biggest ‘maybe’ as he reached out and gently touched Dean’s face before the screen went black.

“Maybe it’s not you.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: I’d say that I was sorry for the previous chapter’s angst, but I’m not. 

Dean drove.

And drove and drove and drove.

He didn’t even realize where he was heading until hours after he had left the house. Left the file. Left the broken record on the floor, as well as a broken Cas. The one that had looked at him with such sadness and heartbreak and betrayal and-

No.

Dean grit his teeth and hardened his gaze, glaring at the dark and empty road. He refused to think about that. _Keep driving._

Dean drove.

There were no other cars on the road. After all, it was already close to midnight. Dean had been driving for hours now. Running away from what he had thought was the one thing in his life that made him happy. 

Dean’s mind flashed back to just days before, where happiness had been his constant companion. But now it had abandoned him, just like most everything else.

_Keep driving._

Dean drove.

He had tried turning on the radio at the very beginning, so that the poisonous thoughts howling in his mind would be muted by the music crashing into him. But the first song that he switched on he immediately recognized as one of Bruno Mars’s. And the wall in Dean’s head cracked as memories of Cas seeped through.

He didn’t need them. He didn’t want them.

So Dean had switched the channel. And the wall cracked more and more because the chorus of ‘Hey Jude’ started playing. His mother’s favorite song. The one she used to sing to Dean instead of a lullaby. Before the fire. Before Claire. Before Cas. 

Cas.

The radio had been turned off after that, and Dean was left alone with his thoughts.

_Keep driving._

That’s what Dean told himself every time his mind strayed into forbidden territory. He had to keep moving. He couldn’t stop. Not for one second. Because if he did, he would break. And that was the last thing he needed. He didn’t think that he’d have enough strength to put himself back together again.

Red light.

Dean realized that he had swerved off the highway and was now standing at a traffic light. He hadn’t even realized he’d done it, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

The Impala’s engine quieted down as the car stilled. Not by much, but Dean could now hear the LEGOs rattling in the heaters. The ones that he and Sam had shoved in there when they were kids. When they didn’t have nearly as many worries as they did now.

Dean couldn’t stop it. The memory came at him and all he could do was sit helplessly as it washed over him. His heart ached as he could almost hear himself explaining to Cas the various qualities of the Impala that made it truly theirs. 

“What’s that rattling noise?” Cas had asked, ever curious.

Dean had smiled and patted the dash of the car, recounting the story of the day that he and Sam had found LEGOs underneath one of their hotel beds. They had managed to lose most of them within the first week, and the last of the bunch had been inserted into the heaters.

Cas had laughed that laugh that made his eyes light up and mouth split into a grin and his teeth flash and his cheeks crinkle. He had then asked Dean if he’d ever had any LEGO sets of his own.

The answer was disappointing, as it was a hard no. John Winchester had moved them around too much for the boys to have been able to put together and take apart LEGO sets every time they left a hotel. Sam and Dean would have lost most of the pieces on the road anyway.

Cas had gotten that sad little look on his face when Dean had finished explaining. Dean had never been able to place it. Pity? Sympathy? Disappointment? Just plain sadness? Guilt at how little he had been able to do to help?

It had become obvious to Dean early on that he didn’t care what the emotion meant. All he cared about was getting it off Cas’s face- getting Cas smiling again.

“But I’ve always wanted my very own LEGO set. And I’m talking one of those huge ones. Five feet high, five feet wide. Maybe one like the Lord of the Rings set you have back at your place.” Cas had grinned at that. “None of those LEGO Friends pink farmhouse sets with those cute little horses and tiny sparkles and crap.” Dean had thought for a moment, then added, “You should get one of those for Sammy, though. I know he’d like to add it to his collection of girly toys he’s collected over the years.”

Cas had laughed at that, and Dean had laughed along with him. And it had been perfect. 

A car horn shattered the memory, the images flying away from Dean before he could catch them. The horn sounded again and Dean blinked a few times before looking up.

Green light.

It had been for a while. He looked into the rear view mirror and started at the long line of cars behind him. Dean hit the gas and the Impala’s engine revved up, covering the sounds and rattles of the LEGOs again.

It took Dean a moment to realize that his face was wet. He ripped one hand off the wheel and furiously wiped at his cheeks. He had to get himself under control. He had to stop thinking about Cas. About everything.

_Keep driving._

Dean drove.

*****

Dean turned onto that familiar driveway and cut the engine. He reached for the door handle but froze. How did he even know anybody was home? What if he had driven out all this way for nothing?

Then it just served him right.

The door squeaked as Dean swung it open and ducked out of the car. A small voice in the back of his mind told him that he should oil the hinges, but it was soon forgotten as Dean saw one of the lights on in the house.

So, someone was home.

Dean didn’t know whether he was relieved or disappointed.

He walked up past the front windows and abandoned flowers and shrubs in the yard. He wasn’t surprised. Dean found himself facing a door that he hadn’t seen in years. Regrets and doubts were swirling in his head like a hurricane and Dean whispered a quick, “Screw this,” under his breath and rang the doorbell.

Seconds later the door opened and Dean didn’t think he’d ever seen his father that surprised in his entire life.

“Dean?” 

John Winchester had lost weight. That much was obvious. His face was haggard and he had bags under his eyes and Dean couldn’t help the twinge of guilt that went through him and he couldn’t help but think that this was his fault. He had walked out on his father years back, claiming that he wanted to be independent and free of the old man. He had left John to fend for himself, and it was obvious from the clothes and the house that his father wasn’t doing so well. 

The small voice in the back of Dean’s head told him that he’d probably have to take another job other than his current one at the food truck. After all, with the low wages he had now, there wasn’t much to send his father for rent.

The small voice was again soon forgotten as John Winchester pulled his son in for a brief but nonetheless strong hug. Dean patted his father’s shoulder before pulling away.

“What are you doing here, Dean?” His father asked, without a doubt confused.

Dean took a deep breath. No use stalling. 

“Claire Novak.”

The name obviously meant something to John, because the older man froze. The smile slipped off his face.

“Does the name ring any bells?”

John remained frozen for a few moments, processing what his son had said. He then turned on his heel and went into the house, leaving the door open as an invitation for Dean to follow. So Dean did.

He locked the door after himself and made his way down the hall. The place hadn’t changed much since he had been there. It was surprising that John had stayed that long in this house. Dean guessed that now that both of his sons had left, John had no need to traipse around the country. John now had less mouths to feed, but Dean guessed from the lanky form of his father that John’s appetite had left with his sons.

“Sit.”

John used that tone of voice that Dean had grown up with. The one that left no room for arguments or disagreement. The one that worked on Dean now just as well as it had in the past.

They were both in the kitchen now, and John had already seated himself at the small, rickety table in the corner of the room. Dean slowly moved across the space and lowered himself into the just as small chair stationed opposite John’s.

His father’s eyes kept darting around the room, not focusing on anything. Especially not on Dean. John foot tapped the ground and his fingers couldn’t stop twitching and Dean decided that seeing his dad like this was wrong. Because John was always the sure one. Never wavering. He knew what to do and when to do it and he never, ever, slouched in his chair and looked at Dean like he’d rather be anywhere else than here.

“What happened to mom?”

Dean asked this in a whisper after seconds of endless staring at his father. His father, who flinched at the mention of his wife, but then took a deep breath and folded his arms across his chest, leaning back in his chair.

“Are you sure you want to know?” 

Dean nodded.

His father now had himself under control, and leveled his gaze at Dean. “What do you remember about the fire?”

Dean swallowed. He remembered the sounds of screaming. He remembered smoke clogging his nose and worming its way down his throat. He remembered his father pushing baby Sammy in a small bundle into Dean’s arms and yelling at him to take his brother outside as fast as he could and not look back. He remembered his father then running out of the collapsing house with a burnt body in his arms that Dean had soon realized was his mother.

“I remember most of it,” he said out loud. Damn it, why couldn’t he bring his voice above a whisper? 

“And the hospital? What do you remember about that?”

Thoughts of Cas and Claire swarmed his mind before Dean pushed them away, locking them deep down inside him.

“I remember visiting her. Mom,” Dean’s voice hitched and he hated himself for it. “And the doctors said that she would get better after a while. But then you told us that one of the nurses screwed up her medication and then…” Dean couldn’t bring himself to finish. “It was Claire Novak, right? The nurse?”

John Winchester was looking at his son with eyes that should not have held that much sadness. Dean quickly wondered if it had been such a good idea to come here.

“Yes. The nurse assigned to your mother was a woman named Claire Novak.”

Dean felt his heart drop. He had been hoping and praying that there had been a mistake. That the file had been wrong. But he had proof now. Two, solid pieces of evidence and he didn’t know what he was going to do. How could he go back, knowing what he knew? How-

“Mom was getting better, though! Claire ruined everything. Our one chance to be a normal family!” Dean couldn’t help his outburst. His anger came spilling out and he looked to his father, in the hopes of finding his anger mirrored in John’s eyes.

But there was nothing but guilt in his father’s face.

“Dean. Son,” John spoke softly, leaning across the table and staring into Dean’s eyes. “Your mother never got better.”

Dean froze.

Running a hand through his hair, John continued, glancing away for a second before his eyes latched back onto his son.

“I know I should have told you sooner. I’m sorry. But I just… There never was a right time and I was afraid of what your reactions would be and I’m sorry about that. But I’m telling you know, and that’s what matters.”

Dean’s voice was lower than a whisper. However this time, he had no doubt if his dad heard him or not. “What do you mean, mom never got better?”

John sighed and visibly steeled himself, drawing his shoulders back. 

“Your mother was burned. Badly. The doctors did everything they could for her but her condition was getting worse and worse. They hooked her up to machines and there were tubes coming out of places they had no right to be and getting better wasn’t an option.”

Dean remembered that. The tubes and machines. The sterile and too-white hallways and rooms that had become a regular sight for him in the hospital. And his mother lying pale on white sheets. That was something Dean never quite forgot.

“It got to the point that the machines were the only thing keeping her alive. Her condition didn’t worsen after that. It remained stable, but there was no chance that she’d ever be able to get off the machines. Her only choice was to stay in the hospital until she died.”

John’s voice was growing heavier and heavier as he talked, as was Dean’s heart.

“Your mother kept insisting that I- that we- move on. Go somewhere else. She didn’t want you boys seeing her like that. Didn’t want her holding us back. You and Sammy were so young. She told me that what she was living wasn’t a life at all. She couldn’t go anywhere, do anything. And neither could we. Not while she was in the hospital,” John paused before continuing. “Not while she was alive.”

No. 

Dean realized he was shaking his head but he didn’t care because no. There was no way.

John looked at Dean sadly before casting his gaze down at his tightly clenched hands. As if he was ashamed.

“Dean, you mother asked me to kill her.”

Dean almost stopped breathing.

“She didn’t want to ask the doctors because she knew that they wouldn’t help her. She wanted me to get her a drug, one that would put her to sleep and make her death painless. But I couldn’t get a hold of it. I didn’t have as many connections as I once did. I couldn’t help her.” John’s voice broke, as did Dean’s heart.

“But Claire. She had been your mother’s nurse, and they had become friends. Good friends. And so we approached Claire about getting the drug. Of course she refused at first. I mean, who wouldn’t?” John let out a mirthless chuckle. “When someone you love asks you to kill them, of course your first reaction would be to refuse. But after much convincing, Claire agreed.”

No. No, it couldn’t be true.

“And then November second, Claire snuck us into the hospital after most everyone left for home. Well,” John glanced up at Dean quickly,“without you boys. I was afraid you were going to start crying and we’d get found out. So we gave her the drugs and said our goodbyes…” John trailed off. Dean was surprised to find tears in his father’s eyes.

Dean was rooted to his chair, not daring to move a muscle. His whole life went crashing around him and he was left standing alone in the ruins.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Dean felt like his mind would break with the amount of questions he wanted, needed, to ask. Why would she want to leave them? Why did he _let_ her leave them?

John sighed. “I didn’t want you boys growing up thinking that your mother was suicidal. Becauses that wasn’t the case and you were too young to understand that. I also couldn’t tell you that I helped kill her. You’d never have forgiven me. And,” John looked down in shame. “I was mad. And angry. And upset. And I guess it was just easier to blame someone else for the fact that you didn’t have a mother growing up.”

Dean was silent.

“I’m so sorry,” his father whispered.

Dean still didn’t react.

“You have to understand, though. You must not blame Claire Novak. She risked her job helping your mother. She took all the blame when the drug was found in your mother’s bloodwork and was fired because of it. God knows where she is now, but I hope that woman is happy.”

Dean spoke for the first time in minutes. “She is happy.”

John looked at him in surprise.

“Her husband walked out on her and she has five sons, three of which left her, too. She works as a travel nurse and has very little time with her family.” John looked confused and opened his mouth to ask a question but Dean plowed on. “She has a nice house and her income is good and one of her sons is successful and goes to college and is the light of her life and they’re so happy when they’re together and she was looking forward to spending Christmas with him but she got called on a job and now they’re both alone and missing each other and Dad I messed up. I messed up big time and I need to go. Right now.”

With that, Dean sprung up from out of his seat, and grabbing his jacket and shrugging it on, strode down the hallway. He curled his hand around the doorknob when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Dean swung around and came face to face with his father.

“You’re not going anywhere, Dean.”

“But-”

“Dean. It’s two in the morning, and you were just told that your mother asked to be killed and that I lied to you about it for your entire life. That, and the fact that you obviously have something bigger to worry about judging by the way you jumped out of your chair like you were burned. You’re in no condition to drive.”

Dean thought about fighting his father but realized how tired he was. Both physically and emotionally. So instead of shrugging off the hand and ripping the door open, Dean let himself be led back into the kitchen.

“Make yourself at home,” his father said. “You look like you haven’t eaten in a while. I’ll fix something up for you and then you can go to sleep.”

Dean nodded and followed the hallway down to his old room. Opening the door, everything looked just as Dean remembered it. The bed against the wall with springs that squealed whenever someone sat on them. The tiny desk. The closet. The walls with the peeling wallpaper that Dean never bothered to hang anything up on.

Sighing, he dropped onto the bed, wincing at the sound it made. He took off his shoes and draped his jacket over the back of the chair at his desk. 

He sat there for a few minutes. The silence overwhelmed him.

He got up and left, closing the door behind him.

In the kitchen, his father had microwaved two slices of no doubt leftover pizza and set them down on the table, as well as two beers from the fridge. Dean came in and sat down, stomach growling at the sight of food. He hadn’t even realized that the last time he had eaten was hours ago. At Cas’s.

Cas.

Before Dean’s mind could launch into thoughts and memories of his soulmate, his father sat down across from him and asked, “Does Sam know?”

Dean shook his head.

“I know the name on his wrist is her last name- Novak. But if he doesn’t know, then how-”

Dean brought his arm out and rolled up the sleeves of his sweater, then unclipping his watch, revealing the bright black ‘Novak’ imprinted onto his wrist.

His father let out a snort. “Leave it to me to have two boys whose soulmates are the children of the woman that killed their mother. How did you two figure it out?”

Dean couldn’t help but let a small smile creep onto his face at the memory of that first day that he had been introduced to Castiel Novak, the wonderful, adorable, cute freshman that had blushed at every glance from Dean.

“It’s a long story.”

John took a swing of beer and leant back in his chair. “I have all night.”

*****

Dean couldn’t fall asleep.

He and his father had stayed up late, almost past four in the morning. Talking. Catching up. 

They had agreed that they wouldn’t tell Sam about Mary and Claire. Not yet. Dean had no desire to ruin his brother’s relationship like he had ruined his own.

Because Dean ruined his relationship big time. He had said some things that never should have even crossed his mind, much less left his mouth. He had hurt Cas, hurt him so much. And Dean didn’t know how he was going to make it better. 

The record breaking against the floor replayed in Dean’s head. Over and over and over again.

Then Cas’s growl of, “Get out.” Cas never growled. Cas was always smiling and he was gentle and he never raised his voice but Dean had pushed him and provoked him and broke him.

Dean could only hope that he would be able to put him back together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think I’ve said this before, so I’d like to give a HUGE thank you to all the people that left reviews on this. You really make my day and deserve a round of applause. Thank y’all. Really.
> 
> I love you guys <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I’m so so so sorry that this took so long. I was super busy and barely had any time to write, but I made this chapter extra long to make up for that. (I was actually going to make it even longer than it is now, but I decided that it would just be too much.) Thank you to those who read and review, I love y’all more than I can say <3\. So sorry again for the long wait. Enjoy :D

Cas’s dreams were plagued by his argument with Dean. By the moment his record hit the ground and broke into pieces. By the name ‘Mary Winchester’ and the file. By the words that were written on the pieces of paper that all pointed at Claire Novak as the only culprit that could have committed the crime.

The crime being the death of Dean’s mother, as well as the destruction of a happy childhood for Sam and Dean.

At first Cas hadn’t believed it. Not even a bit. But by the tenth or eleventh time he had called his mother and received no answer, by the twentieth or thirtieth time he had read the file, he had become less and less willing to believe that it had all been a mistake.

The file said it all. How Claire had mixed up the meds. How Claire had gotten fired. How Claire had killed Mary.

And so the night before Christmas, Cas went to sleep without any hope left for himself that everything would be alright.

The morning didn’t help.

Not that Cas woke up in the morning. No, he slept through the early hours of the day, only opening his eyes somewhere around 12:30. Even then, he stayed in bed and stared at anywhere that wouldn’t remind him of Dean. But that was easier said than done.

The walls that were covered in pictures of Cas and his family in various different countries had been joined with ones of him and Dean. Ice skating. Making snowmen. Cuddling on the couch. Cas tried not to let his gaze be drawn to those.

Cas’s dresser also offered unwanted memories. More specifically, the Lord of the Rings LEGO sets on it. Unbidden, Cas remembered the sparkle in Dean’s eyes as he had looked at the sets. He remembered their conversation in the car, where Dean had sadly admitted to Cas that he had never had his own LEGO set, but how he’d always wanted one that was big and expensive and intricate. Cas remembered the feeling of wanting to do anything and everything in the world to help Dean.

Cas remembered too much. The laughter, the smiles, the conversations. Everywhere he looked, there they were. Painful and sharp and Cas wanted them to stop.

He closed his eyes.

Sleep didn’t come, but Cas didn’t want to get out of bed. He didn’t want to start his day, or walk through the silent house, or spend the day trying to pretend that everything was alright. Which it wasn’t. Not at all.

But soon the hunger in Cas’s stomach drove him out. He had tried to keep it down, but the pains were too much for him. Cas didn’t bother changing or looking in the mirror. He already knew that he’d have red rimmed eyes and that bags would have formed under them. He didn’t need a mirror to tell him that.

Stumbling downstairs and into the kitchen, Cas put two pieces of bread into the toaster and drew out a jar of peanut butter and one of jelly from the fridge. He sat down at the empty table and waited. The wall against the memories Cas was building in his mind went crashing down as he stared at the table. At the spot that Dean usually sat. Could it have been that a mere day ago, he and Dean had shared dinner here, laughing and joking around? And had Cas only imagined that Dean had woken up early in the morning to make Cas breakfast, and had burned the blueberry muffins so bad that it took them hours to clear out the burnt smell and clean the kitchen from the multiple layers of flour that had coated it? 

The toast jumped out of the toaster, jerking Cas out of his thoughts. Heaving himself out of his chair, Cas strode over and took the pieces of bread out, all the while shoving the memories back down and starting to work on that wall again. This time he wouldn’t let it break.

Cas finished breakfast in record time. This time, there was nobody to chat with. To joke with. To laugh with. He was alone. 

He did the dishes alone, too. No music this time. Music was only for when he had someone to dance with. To sway and bump his hips with. Someone like De-

No.

Cas made sure the wall in his head grew stronger.

He stood in the empty kitchen for a moment. The memories were pushing against him but he held fast. Cas needed a distraction.

Striding into the living room, Cas dropped onto the couch and firmly decided that he would watch a movie. He didn’t let his mind wander to a time where Dean had sat on this very spot and critiqued Cas as the freshman had hung ornaments on the tree. He didn’t think about how then they had switched spots and Cas had fallen asleep watching Dean’s lulling movements. And Cas definitely didn’t let himself think about how afterwards, they had napped on the couch together, wrapped in each other’s arms.

No.

Definitely not.

The wall stayed firmly in place and Cas added reinforcements to it. He couldn’t let it break.

Hands shaking, Cas gripped the remote and turned on Netflix. He needed a movie. Any movie, really.

But today was just not Cas’s day. The first movie on his List was The Mask of Zorro. The one after that was the Princess Bride. Cas felt the wall in his head cracking and he quickly shut off the tv. He didn’t need those memories. Memories of him and Dean snuggled in blankets in Cas’s dorm. Memories of them falling asleep together afterwards. And especially not the memory of the first time Cas had thought to himself that he wanted to be with Dean for the rest of his life.

Cas rose from the couch and almost sprinted out of the room. The ornaments on the tree were smiling at him with their bright light but Cas felt no urge to smile back.

It was then that he passed the door to the basement, which was still open. Cas realized that the files had to be cleaned up by the time his mother got home the next day. The day after Christmas.

What a lousy Christmas Cas was having.

He steeled himself and trudged down the stairs, wincing at the creaking noises. They split the silence in the air like knives. Not unlike the way the record sounded as it-

No.

The wall grew higher in his mind.

Cas reached the bottom of the stairs and groaned inwardly at the sight of the countless files strewn all over the floor. This would certainly take up most of his day. In fact, he  _ hoped _ it would take up most of his day. It would give Cas a chance to avoid the thoughts howling and screaming at him. 

Sinking to his knees, Cas started with the grueling work. Picking up a file, checking the name, and putting it into its corresponding location. Picking up a file, checking the name, putting it into its place. Pick up, check, put away. Pick, check, put. Over and over and over.

It really,  _ really _ wasn’t Cas’s day. No surprise there. Because Cas was finished within the hour. 

He contemplated sitting on the beat up couch against the wall but immediately discarded the idea at the sight of the photo albums still lying open on it.

Sighing, Cas decided that he’d go back to bed. There was no use doing anything else. 

He started up the stairs when something caught his eye. Something red and bright that was covered for the most part in boxes shoved under the stairs. Cas’s heart twisted as he turned around and crept over to it, moving the boxes aside. Staring back at him were the presents he had bought and wrapped for Dean. The ones he spent hours picking out so that Dean could have the perfect Christmas.

Only that Christmas was now ruined.

The sad twinge in Cas’s gut turned to anger. This was Dean’s fault. If he hadn’t knocked over the files, none of this would have happened. If he had just waited until Claire got home and explained that it had been a mistake, everything would have been fine. A voice whispered to Cas from the darkest parts of his mind that there hadn’t been a mistake. That Claire had killed Mary. And then Cas’s anger turned on his mother. Why hadn’t she said anything about this before? She had known Dean’s last name. Hell, she had lived with a son who had it printed on his wrist. And yet she had said nothing.

Cas should throw them away. The presents. It’s not as if Dean was coming back. And it’s not as if he dared keep them for himself. They would only widen the cracks in his wall further. 

That was the last thing Cas needed.

Letting out a soft noise that was almost like a growl, Cas reached for the wrapped packages, ready to rip them apart and get them as far away from him as possible. But then he froze.

He was hearing things. He had to be. But he could have sworn he heard-

There it was again.

Knocking.

But who-

Cas hastily turned away from the boxes and flew up the stairs. His heart was singing  _ Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean _ , but the rest of him was snarling the name. How dare he come back? After everything that he had said to Cas? After everything he had  _ done _ to him? Cas couldn’t forgive that.

He wrenched the front door open just as the meticulously built and enforced wall in his head started to crumble.

All of the thoughts that were circling above Cas like vultures promptly vanished, leaving him staring dumbly at the person standing in front of him.

Dean looked more nervous than Cas had ever seen. More nervous than the day that it was Claire opening the door to him instead of Cas. More nervous than the first time Dean and Cas had met. More nervous than when Dean made his first steps on the ice rink.

Cas took in Dean’s appearance, from the unkempt hair, to the slightly red rimmed eyes, to the bit lip, to the sweater that Claire had knit for him, to the bags at Dean’s sides. Cas’s tongue was caught in his mouth and he stood there, frozen.

“Hey.”

Cas barely heard Dean, but it was enough to shake him out of his trance. “What are you doing here?” Cas’s voice was harsher than he had meant it to be and he saw Dean flinch at the words that flew out of his mouth. Thoughts of an apology swirled around in Cas’s head, but he resisted their pull. He was  _ not _ apologizing to Dean. Not after what Dean did.

He saw Dean shift from one foot to the other and the fingers tightened around the straps of the bags. Dean cleared his throat. “I wanted to talk. To you. If that’s ok?”

“No. It’s not ok. You can leave now,” Cas hissed and stepped back, closing the door in Dean’s face. 

Before it could slam shut, though, he felt Dean’s hand pushing against it as Dean tried to keep it open. Dean’s voice turned desperate. “Cas, wait! Please! This is important! It’s about your m-”

Cas ripped the door open, making Dean stumble a bit, and cut him off. “You wanted to talk about my mom? Didn’t we already do that yesterday? Oh, wait, it wasn’t really talking. More like screaming while you accused her of murder,” Cas growled out. He saw Dean shrink in on himself. “And I’m so sorry if I don’t want to repeat that again.”

He moved to try to close the door again but was stopped by Dean for a second time. The look in Dean’s eyes broke Cas’s heart. “Please, Cas. If you don’t like what I have to say you can kick me out. I’ll leave right away. I promise. Just please, please let me talk to you.”

They stared at each other, the silence stretching between them like infinity. Finally, Cas huffed a breath and turned on his heel, marching away from the door (away from Dean) and towards the kitchen, leaving Dean to enter and close the door behind him. Dean came into the room without the bags, which he must have left in the hallway. That was just as well; Cas didn’t want to know what was in them. He didn’t care. Or so he tried to convince himself.

“Sit.”

Dean hesitated for a moment before dropping down into his usual seat at the table. Cas noticed that Dean was fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater. Cas tried to refrain from doing the same.

“Well?” Cas spoke after a while of tense silence. “You wanted to talk. So talk.”

Dean took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. Hair that wasn’t quite blonde, but not brown. Cas had always thought that it looked like a mixture of honey and almonds. And when the sun hit it, the colors turned to-

No.

Cas stopped himself. He wasn’t here to admire Dean’s hair. He was here to listen to what Dean had to say and then kick him out. Simple as that.

“I drove to my dad’s yesterday,” Dean started. Cas felt his eyes widen. Dean’s father lived hours away. He must have gotten there at around one in the morning. But why would Dean go there? He and his father barely ever spoke, and from what Cas had learned about John Winchester in the past months, it was that family reunions were never his thing. “I don’t honestly know why I went. I only realized I was headed there when I was nearing his place.”

Oh.

“I asked him if he knew Claire,” Cas sucked in a sharp breath but Dean continued. “And if she was connected to my mom’s death. He said yes. To both questions.”

Cas’s heart sank lower and lower under he felt it shatter into pieces. So it was true. His mother had killed Mary. He had the evidence. The files. And now the confirmation from Dean’s father. Everything Dean had said had been true. Claire was a murderer. 

Dean must have seen the relinquished look on Cas’s face because he quickly reached across the table and grabbed Cas’s hand to reassure him, but Cas pulled his hand out of Dean’s grip. A brief look of hurt crossed Dean’s face before he withdrew his hand and started fiddling with his sleeve once more.

“Is that it?” Cas growled. “You wanted to come here to tell me that you were right? To gloat?”

Dean’s eyes went wide. “No! No, that’s not it. That’s not even close to-”

“Because if that’s what this is about, then you can leave right now.”

“I’m not done, Cas, I promise. Just hear me out, okay?”

Cas hesitated but nodded tersely.

“My dad told me that my mom never got better after the fire. She only got worse.”

_ What? _

“It came to the point that she was only being kept alive by machines. She couldn’t go anywhere, do anything. She was stuck in the hospital. And so were we,” Dean lowered his eyes. “She kept telling my dad that we should leave. Leave her in the hospital and go live our lives. She said that she was holding us back. But my dad wouldn’t listen,” Dean’s voice hitched and the next words came out in a whisper. “So she asked him to kill her.”

Cas’s breath caught in his throat. No. No, this didn’t make any sense. Why would Mary have wanted to die?

“My dad said no at first. But then she became more persistent. She kept asking and asking and asking. She was tired of seeing the same white walls and eating the same food. She thought she was being a burden on us. She said that what she was living wasn’t a life at all. So my dad agreed. Only, he couldn’t get her the drugs. But they knew someone who could.”

Cas’s world was collapsing and all he could do was sit grounded in his chair and listen to the words spilling out of Dean’s mouth.   
  


“Our moms were close. Really close. My dad said that they were more like sisters than friends. So they asked your mom for the drugs. She had refused at first. Obviously. I mean,” Dean’s eyes rose to meet Cas’s. “Who could live with themselves after they had hurt someone they loved.”

The words echoed inside Cas’s head.

“After a while, though, your mom agreed. And so she snuck my dad in one night and they said their goodbyes and gave my mom the drug. Claire took all the blame and was fired because of it. My dad never told us the whole truth because he thought that we were too young to understand why they killed Mom. But I guess the cat’s out of the bag now, right?” Dean smiled, but it looked more like a grimace. He lowered his voice. “Just don’t tell Sammy.”

Dean had obviously expected Cas to nod at that and tell him that no, he wouldn’t tell Sam, but all he got was a blank look. Cas was still processing the information. It was too much. Mary had  _ wanted _ to die? But was Claire still justified in killing her? Had it been the right thing to do? Why didn't Claire tell Cas? He was old enough to understand. Had she been planning on keeping it a secret forever?

“Cas?” Dean’s voice brought Cas back to reality. “You doing alright?”

Cas snapped. “NO, Dean, I am most certainly NOT doing alright! I’ve just learned that my mother KILLED SOMEONE, and not just any someone, but the mother of the person that I love more than anyone else, and now I have to live with this information inside my head for the rest of my life and I don’t even know what I’m going to tell my mom about it, or even IF I’m going to tell my mom that I know. I mean picture me, the day after Christmas, telling my mom that I know that she killed your mom. How will she react? And Gabe! Oh Jesus Christ, what am I going to tell him?  _ Will _ I tell him? He deserves to know, right? But what if it ruins him and Sam?” Cas couldn’t help but add, “What if it ruins them like it ruined us?”

“You think it ruined us?” Dean’s voice asked from beside him quietly, and Cas jumped as he realized that during his outburst, Dean had moved around the table and was not mere feet away from Cas, unsure on what to do to comfort him.

“I mean, you hate me,” Cas whispered. “My mom killed yours. You can barely look at me. And after what I said, I don’t know how you can even stand to be in the same room as me.”

Dean looked a little taken aback at that. As if he hadn’t been expecting it. As if that’s not what he thought at all. But Cas knew better. Or did he?

“I don’t hate you.”

Cas froze.

“I could never hate you,” Dean was shaking his head. “I said all those horrible things to you yesterday, but I didn’t mean them. I didn’t mean a single thing. You’re probably the best thing that has ever happened to me, Cas. You’re funny, and kind, and amazing, and your hair is so soft, and your smile makes me happy, and when you laugh you scrunch up your nose and you just look so, so cute and I could never, ever hate you.” Dean paused to take a breath. “I love you, angel.”

Cas stared at him, not daring to move a muscle. Not daring to believe.

Dean took the silence as rejection and his face fell as he stepped backwards. Away from the table. Away from Cas. 

“I should go,” he whispered.

And then Cas was launching himself out of his chair and at Dean, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. His soulmate. The love of his life. Cas gripped him tight and didn’t let go.

Dean let out a small noise of surprise at the sudden contact but didn’t hesitate before bringing his arms around Cas and burying his head in Cas’s shoulder. One of his hands went around Cas’s waist and the other to the back of Cas’s head as Dean dug his hands into the silky strands of Cas’s hair. Any other time Cas would have complained that Dean was pulling too hard on his hair, but he couldn’t have cared less at the moment. What mattered was that Dean was here and he forgave him and he loved him. Just like Cas loved Dean.

“I’m sorry, Cas. I’m so sorry.” 

Dean was mumbling apologies into Cas’s shoulder but Cas shushed him and tightened his arms around him. Dean didn’t stop, though, and kept up the mantra of “I’m sorry”s muffled by the long sleeved shirt Cas had on.

Pulling back, Cas cupped Dean’s face in his hands. “I love you too, you idiot. Now shut up.” And with that, Cas crushed their mouths together.

You might have thought that they had gone years without seeing each other instead of hours. They kissed as if their lives depended on it, as if the world was ending and they had mere seconds to live. They kissed like they were drowning men, clawing for life.

When they finally pulled apart, both were panting. Dean’s face was split into a smile so wide Cas thought his face would crack in two. And if that smile was a feeling, then it was filling Cas up from his head to his toes. 

Dean opened his mouth again, no doubt to make another apology, but Cas cut him off before he could say anything.

“Don’t you dare say that you’re sorry again. I forgive you, Dean.”

And Cas was surprised to say that he was telling the truth. Yes, Dean had said some horrible things the previous night, and yes he had broken Cas’s signed vinyl record. But Cas had said some horrible things, too. And, after all, the record was an object, and although it wouldn’t be easy, it still could be replaced. Dean, on the other hand, was a living, breathing person that could never, ever be replaced. Not for Cas.

His thoughts were interrupted when his stomach growled, and Cas realized that he hadn’t eaten anything since the peanut butter and jelly sandwich he’d had hours ago. He was actually famished.

“Sounds like somebody is hungry,” Dean said softly and brushed past Cas and into the hallway, where he came back from seconds later with the bags he was holding earlier. Cas craned his neck and made out the logo of one of their favorite burger places. 

Plopping the bags down on the kitchen table, Dean started rifling through them. He took out two wrapped packages, placing one in front of his seat at the table and the other in front of Cas. He then reached in and brought out a box of fries, and then two iced teas. Smiling, Dean then dropped into his own chair and started unwrapping his burger. Cas did the same.

“Oh, Dean…” 

Dean had remembered. Even after their fight and after they hadn’t had burgers in weeks, Dean had still remembered. He’d remembered the incredibly specific way that Cas liked his burgers; double bacon with cheese and no pickles.

“What?” Cas looked up to see that Dean had already taken a larger-than-was-probably-healthy bite of his hamburger and had just tried to talk through it. The light from the window was hitting his hair and Cas couldn’t help but think that Dean had never looked better.

He shook his head softly. “Nothing.” Taking the burger in his hands and biting into it, Cas savored the flavors that exploded in his mouth. This Christmas dinner was better than he would have hoped for, even if he  _ did _ only have breakfast hours ago. Or would that have already been lunch since he had eaten so late? Whatever. It didn’t matter to Cas. Because Dean was here, with him, and Cas couldn’t have been happier.

Both boys jumped when the muffled sounds of one of Bruno Mars’s songs split the air, and Cas immediately recognized it as his ringtone. Wiping his hands on a napkin, he made a quick apologetic glance at Dean before sprinting up the stairs to his room. Turning his phone over, Cas’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of the caller.

It was Claire.

Hitting the accept button, Cas brought the phone to his ear, stomach in knots.

“Hey, Cas! I saw all those missed calls that you made. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t talk before, but I’m also really busy now. Is everything ok? If it’s really important I can make time.”

His mother’s voice brought a wave of memories crashing down onto Cas, but he held them back while his mind raced. What should he say? Should he confront her about what she did now, or would it be better to do that in person? But if not that, then what excuse could he make up?

“Hi, mom! Umm, yeah, I did call you a lot but it’s okay that you didn’t pick up. I can ask you about it when you get home tomorrow.”

“Great! I hope you boys are doing fine back there without me.”

Cas resisted the urge to snort. Yeah, they were doing absolutely fine. “Don’t worry about us, mom. We got into a… small fight… but we’re ok now.”

“Aww, I’m sorry to hear that, sweetie.” It sounded as if she was about to say something else, but then Cas heard a muffled noise on the other end of the line and Claire quickly apologized, saying that she had to go.

“It’s ok mom. See you tomorrow. Love you.”

“I love you, too. Bye.”

Cas hung up and dropped the phone back onto his bed, running a hand through his hair. He let out a breath and made his way downstairs. Dean was still sitting at the table, already done with his hamburger and he had now moved onto the fries. He looked up as Cas approached and sat down.

“Who was it?” Dean asked, dipping a fry into ketchup before making a show of putting in his mouth and chewing.

Cas couldn’t help but smile at the display. “My mom.”

Dean stopped chewing and his eyes grew serious. “Did you-”

“I didn’t tell her anything. I’d rather do that in person.”

Dean nodded and continued chewing, this time with less vigor. Cas picked up his burger once more, and this time he managed to finish it without any interruptions.

When they were finally done with the food, both boys did the dishes, and Cas couldn’t have been happier when he turned on the music and they stood side by side, swaying and bumping their hips by the sink. 

The opening notes of Bruno Mars’s  _ Just the Way You Are _ started playing when Dean suddenly jumped and his eyes went wide. Cas didn’t even have time to ask him what was wrong before Dean dried his hands on a towel and sped out of the kitchen, calling a quick, “I’ll be right back! Finish up!” to Cas.

Extremely confused, Cas hurried up with the dishes (thankfully there were only a few more), and was drying his own hands when Dean came rushing back into the house. In one hand he held a wrapped box, and in the other, his guitar. Baby 2.0.

Smiling, Dean held out the wrapped box to Cas. “I almost forgot this.”

Cas was about to take it when he remembered his own presents. Now it was his turn to dash out of the room. He raced down the stairs and into the basement. The boxes surrounding the presents were already out of the way, and Cas recalled with a twinge of regret how he had been about to throw them out before Dean came. And thank god that Dean  _ had _ come.

Grabbing the two wrapped boxes, Cas sprinted back upstairs. On his way to the kitchen, he passed the living room, where he saw Dean sitting on the couch in front of the Christmas tree. Backtracking, Cas slipped onto the couch alongside Dean and grinned at him, holding out his presents. “And I almost forgot these.”

They exchanged gifts. Cas held his present in his hands. It was nicely covered with wrapping paper that was adorned with flying angels. Oh, Dean. Cas quickly glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eye. Dean, who was ripping the first box apart with a childish smile on his face and eyes that twinkled from the light reflecting off the ornaments.

Cas turned back to his own present and slowly tore apart the paper. 

He only saw the corner of something black when he was engulfed in a hug from the side. Almost dropping his gift, Cas carefully put it on the coffee table in front of him and returned Dean’s hug, burying his face in Dean’s hair.

“Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!” Dean sang.

Cas smiled. So Dean liked his presents.

Dean pulled back and grinned at Cas like a madman. In one hand he held the fuzzy socks that Cas had gotten him. They were incredibly soft and comfortable (Cas knew from experience), and Dean had always complained that his feet were cold. The socks had Chevy Impalas on them, something that Cas knew Dean would love. And on Dean’s lap, almost too big to fit there, was a LEGO set. But not just any LEGO set. A Star Wars Death Star set. A twenty-one pound, 4,016 piece, $500 LEGO Death Star.

Dean’s grin made the sun look like it wasn’t shining. He leaned forward and gave Cas a kiss, mumbling a few more “Thank you”s before and after.

“Can we build it together?” Dean asked, not even waiting for an answer before tearing the box open and starting to spill the contents out onto the couch. 

Cas rolled his eyes. Of course they would. But first, he had to find out what his own present was.

He picked the wrapped box back up and hooked his fingers under the paper, pulling it back inch by inch. He almost stopped breathing.

There, in a glass case, was a new vinyl record. A new, shining, Bruno Mars vinyl record. And that wasn’t all. Inside the case, lying on top of the record, were two pieces of paper. Or, more specifically, two front row concert tickets to one of his concerts.

Cas looked up and met Dean’s eyes. They stared at each other for a moment, both beyond glad that they had the other, before Cas leapt forward and their lips collided in a kiss that was so unlike the others. This was one that spoke of forgiveness and love and or never letting go. This one was passionate and harsh and exactly what Cas needed.

_ Dean _ was exactly what Cas needed. 

And Cas was never,  _ ever _ going to let him go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things in this fic were factually incorrect. Firstly, the Princess Bride is not on Netflix. But for the purposes of this fic it was. Secondly, a lego death star is not that cheap. In reality, it’s more like $800. So don’t go on Amazon thinking you can buy one for the price I put here. You can’t. Sorry.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay!! I hope you guys like it!!! Thank you so much to those that read and review! I love you guys so so much <3

The remainder of the day had been spent with the LEGOs. After hugging it out over their presents, the boys had put on Christmas music and cleared some space in the living room. Dean had dragged aside the coffee table, and had helped Cas shift the couch away from the center of the room. 

Spilling the pieces out onto the floor and opening the instruction manual, Cas and Dean then began the painstaking process of assembling the Death Star.

Dean couldn’t have been happier. He finally, _finally_ , had a LEGO set of his own. Those meager bricks that he and Sam had found under the motel bed were nothing compared to the immense amount of them spread out before him now. And this time, what he’d build with them would actually resemble something, instead of the crude shapes he and his brother had put together in the backseat of the Impala all those years back. 

But what hadn’t changed from the last time he had played with LEGOs was that both times he was doing it with the people he loved most.

Cas seemed to be enjoying Dean’s childish excitement as the older of the two enthusiastically immersed himself in constructing the Death Star. His eyes twinkled with amusement every time Dean finished building a specific part of the set and let out a triumphant cry. He made teasing remarks about Dean’s little victory dances and immature squeals of happiness. Dean didn’t mind, though. Not at all.

The time flew. They had only managed to build about half of the Death Star and were in the middle of having a sword fight using the tiny lightsabers that came with the LEGO set when Cas had yawned, prompting him to get ‘stabbed’ by Dean’s lightsaber and ‘lose’ the fight. Getting up from off the floor and checking the time, Dean was surprised when the numbers on his phone read 9:30.

“Are you kidding me, Cas? It’s only nine thirty and you’re already tired?”

“Well, it’s not like I can say that I slept last night.”

That shut Dean up pretty quickly. If he was being honest, the previous night didn’t do him any favors, either. He couldn’t help but send a guilty look towards Cas, who accepted Dean’s outstretched hand as the older boy hauled the freshman off the floor and into his arms.

“Well I’m here now, and something tells me that tonight will be different.”

And it was.

Even if it took them a while to actually get comfortable.

“Cas, stop elbowing me in the freaking ribs,” Dean whispered furiously as Cas shifted his position on the bed. Both boys had decided to sleep on Cas’s bed instead of the one in Dean’s temporary room. It was the bigger and more comfortable of the two, but even then it didn’t give them much space to move around. The blanket was also better in Cas’s room, but it, too, wasn’t as large as they would have hoped for. 

“Then you stop stealing all the blanket,” Cas hissed back at him, yanking on the edge of the blanket that Dean had curled around himself, leaving none for Cas. Dean harrumphed and didn’t budge. “Dean, I’m freezing my ass off here.”

At that, Dean rolled over and splayed on top of Cas, wrapping his arms around him and snuggling into Cas’s chest. “Better?”

Letting out a breath of air, Cas starting trying to shove Dean off. “No, you idiot. Get off of me!” But Cas’s attempts to remove Dean from on top of him failed miserably as the older boy simply locked his arms in a viselike grip around Cas and refused to budge. “Jesus Dean, how many elephants did you eat today?”

“None, as a matter of fact. You’re just weak.”

Cas huffed. “Just shut up and give me back my blanket.”

And after a while of outraged hissing and whispering back and forth, Dean relented and rolled back off of Cas, who immediately took possession of his half of the blanket and gave Dean one last glare before turning over to face away from him. Dean smiled and wrapped an arm around Cas’s waist, pulling him back against him. Chest to back. Cas was tense for a few moments more before letting out a sigh and relaxing against Dean, who squeezed him tighter and rested his head in the nape of Cas’s neck, inhaling the scent that had now become so familiar to him.

The previous night’s tears and pain slowly went away, and all that was left was the sounds of them breathing in sync, wrapped in Cas’s warm blanket.

<><><>

“Dean, I’m hungry.”

It was near noon but until this point, neither Dean nor Cas had made any move to get out of bed. They had been content to just lay side by side and cuddle, not having a care in the world.

That is, until Cas’s stomach started complaining.

“Dean, I’m hungry,” Cas repeated again, poking Dean in the side. They were in a position where Dean’s arms were around Cas’s waist and Cas was facing Dean. At first that had meant kissing, but now it meant that Cas had access to Dean’s ticklish sides. 

Dean didn’t appreciate that at all. He rolled Cas over and pinned Cas’s arms to his sides so that they wouldn’t be able to reach him. “No, this is comfy,” he murmured into Cas’s ear.

“I’m not saying that it’s not comfortable, I’m saying that I’m hungry and that we should go eat something.”

Dean shook his head. “No. I don’t want to get out of bed.”

Cas let out an exasperated sigh and tried to twist around but Dean held fast. There was no way he was letting Cas tickle him into getting out of bed. He was Dean Fricking Winchester. He was _not_ going to be defeated by some meager-

“Aha!” Cas exclaimed triumphantly as he swivelled back around and started tickling Dean, and the older boy couldn’t hold back the howl of laughter that escaped his mouth as he writhed under Cas’s hands. He let go of Cas and his arms flew from Cas’s waist back to his own as he tried to get rid of the fingers attacking his sides.

“Ok! Ok, I surrender! I surrender!” Dean laughed out, letting out a breath of relief when Cas retreated his hands as the freshman rolled out of bed and stood up. Grinning, Dean followed suit, slapping Cas’s ass as the freshman brushed past him, out into the hallway and then into the bathroom. Cas had playfully stuck his tongue out at Dean, and as Dean strode into his own room to change into a sweater and jeans. He smiled to himself at the thought of Cas’s sleep ruffled hair. At his bright blue eyes. At his cute little nose, and perfect lips, and adorable smile, and Dean thought he could go on forever.

Dean slipped on a dark sweater and pulled on faded jeans, then as an afterthought he put on the new fuzzy socks that Cas had gotten him for Christmas. Walking out into the hallway, Dean felt how slippery the floor was under his socked feet. Smiling, he tried running down the hall and stopping suddenly, which sent him sliding along the floor. It was not unlike ice skating, and was just as fun. He did it again just as Cas was walking out of the bathroom. Cas danced out of the way when Dean tried to slap his ass this time and smacked Dean lightly on the arm before going into his own room to change.

Dean made his way downstairs and into the kitchen, running and sliding past the living room along the way. He had to admit, he was fairly proud at the amount of progress he and Cas had made with the LEGOs. If he had been doing it himself, it would have surely taken him at least a week, but yesterday with Cas helping him it had only taken them a few hours to get through almost half of the Death Star. That meant that if they had the time, they’d be able to finish it today.

On that optimistic note, Dean opened the fridge. Oh.

He heard Cas’s footsteps on the stairs and closed the fridge, calling up, “We don’t have any food.”

Seconds later there were arms slipping around his waist and a chin resting on his shoulder as Cas asked, “What, no food at all?”

“Well, we have leftovers. From a few days ago.”

Cas scrunched up his nose and Dean’s heart fluttered. He looked adorable when he did that. Instead of mentioning it though, Dean nodded. “Yeah, that’s how I feel about leftovers too.”

“Any Eggs?”

“Nope.”

“Toast?”

“Nope.”

“Waffles?”

“Also no.”

“Well that sucks.”

“Yep.”

There was a moment of silence before Dean untangled himself from Cas’s embrace and spun around. “Lets go to IHOP!”

Cas didn't hesitate before nodding in agreement, and they both made their way to the door, shrugging on their coats and pulling on their boots. Dean snatched the keys to the Impala from the counter and they left the house. 

There were a good few inches of snow piled on the roof of the car, and Dean tenderly brushed it off, murmuring something about how she must have been cold during the night. He saw Cas smile and roll his eyes before climbing into the car and waiting for Dean to finish getting rid of the snow. 

Once he was sure that his Baby was clear, Dean slid in beside Cas and started the engine, all the while whispering soft apologies to the car about how he had left her out all alone in the freezing cold.

Cas snorted. “Sometimes, it seems as if the car gets more love than I do.”

Dean grinned and pulled out of the driveway, bringing his right hand off the wheel and to Cas’s, intertwining their fingers. “Nah, that’s not possible.”

Cas beamed.

They drove in silence, marvelling at the white blankets of snow that covered all the trees and houses and glittered in the sun. Dean had always liked the winter. Everything was always so beautiful when it was shrouded in the gleaming white powder. It all flickered in the sun, and although it hurt his eyes at times, the beauty of it was worth it.

“IHOP. There,” Cas pointed at the sign by the road.

“No, _I_ hop.”

Cas’s head swiveled towards him and he furrowed his brow. “What?”

Dean grinned. “ _You_ don’t hop. I hop.”

“I don’t-” Cas then realized what Dean was doing, and fixed him with a bitchface that might even have rivalled the ones that Sam made. “Oh, ha ha. You’re so funny.”

Pulling into the parking lot, Dean leaned in and kissed Cas on the cheek. “You bet I am.”

They both ordered pancakes. It had been a while since Dean had had any of those, and he savored each bite. Despite that, though, Dean couldn’t find room in his stomach for the entire set of pancakes, bacon, eggs, and coffee he had ordered and had insisted on taking the leftover home so that he could finish them later. Cas didn’t have the space to finish his whole meal, either, and had decided to take it home as well.

They left IHOP with full stomachs and high spirits.

Entering the house, they took their coats off and Dean watched as a smiling Cas hummed under his breath as he unwound the scarf from around his neck. Cas noticed Dean’s stare and made a face, then grabbed Dean’s hand and led him into the living room, where he dropped down next to their partially built Death Star and turned on some music.

At first there was an array of Christmas songs that came on, and Dean and Cas sang along to all of them. But then Cas got tired of those and switched off the radio, instead turning on a playlist on his phone. More specifically, his Bruno Mars one.

It was then that it hit Dean; the realization that he had never played for Cas on the guitar. Cas had always known that he had a guitar, and had known that he played it, but Dean had never once played for his soulmate. And now, Dean decided, would be a perfect time to fix that.

“I’ll be right back,” he told a confused Cas and heaved himself up from off the ground, sliding down the hallway in his fuzzy socks and then sprinting up the stairs. The last Christmas song that they had heard was stuck in Dean’s head, and he belted out the lyrics to ‘Let it Snow!’ as he burst into his room and grabbed Baby 2.0 from off his bed. 

The guest room he was staying in was at the very end of the hall, which gave him plenty of space to slide down to the stairs. Breaking out in a run, Dean was now almost hollering the chorus to the song as he stopped and let the socks bring him the rest of the way down the hall. 

“The lights are turned way down low! Let it snow, let it snow, let it- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, SHIT!”

He had realized too late that he was skidding too fast and too close to the small console table near the stairs, and his eyes widened at the sight of the glass vase on top of it mere seconds before he collided with it, and his singing turned into loud cursing as he threw his arm down, barely catching the vase before it could shatter on the floor.

“Is everything ok up there?” Dean heard Cas’s voice carry from the living room. Letting out a relieved breath and putting the vase back into its place, Dean firmly decided that he should probably keep his sliding to a minimum around breakable objects and carefully edged down the stairs.

“Yeah, it’s all good,” Dean said as he swung into the room, brandishing his guitar and dropping down onto the couch. He saw Cas’s eyes widen slightly at the sight of Baby 2.0. 

Dean smirked. “Keep your drool to yourself, please and thank you. She doesn’t like getting looked at like that by anyone but me.”

Cas stuck out his tongue and reached across to his phone, turning the music off. No sooner did he do that than Dean grabbed his hand and hauled him onto the couch, drawing him closer and pulling Cas down into him so that they were sitting chest to back. Dean’s mind quickly flashed to the previous night, where they had been in almost exactly the same position. 

In fact, Dean realized that he had slept better yesterday than he had in days. At least, certainly better than the sleep he had gotten the night of the fight, if he could even call it that. It had mostly been hours of curling in on himself on his bed and trying not to let his tears go. He couldn’t say that it had worked.

And no matter how much he had wanted to hate and blame Claire for the death of his mother, Dean found that he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Not when he had lived with her, eaten her food, laughed with her, built snowmen on her lawn. Not when he had fallen in love with her son.

He simply couldn’t find it in himself to hate her. 

And, Dean decided, that maybe that was for the best.

Because everything that he could have ever wanted was right here.

Dean placed the guitar in Cas’s lap and moved Cas’s arms and hands so that they were placed in the correct places on the guitar. All of Cas’s protests of “but I don’t know how to play” were shushed, and Dean maneuvered the fingers of Cas’s left hand so that they were pressing the right strings.

“Now this is an original composition of mine. It’s called ‘Just the Way You Are’ and it definitely wasn’t written by Bruno Mars.”

Cas rolled his eyes, but all pretenses for annoyance swiftly vanished as Dean started moving, muscles flexing under Cas. He went slow, shifting his fingers and Cas’s on the guitar neck. Cas’s right hand, though, got the gist pretty quickly, and soon was strumming the strings without the help of Dean’s hand, which strayed and wrapped itself around Cas’s waist.

Dean started singing.

_Oh, your eyes, your eyes, make the stars look like they’re not shining._

_Your hair, your hair, falls perfectly without you trying._

_You’re so beautiful and I tell you every day._

Dean felt Cas’s breath hitch in his throat, but he kept singing.

_When I see your face,_

_There's not a thing that I would change, 'cause you're amazing_

_Just the way you are._

_And when you smile,_

_The whole world stops and stares for a while._

_'Cause Cas you're amazing_

_Just the way you are_

Cas’s left fingers were getting used to the chords now, and Dean carefully took his own hand away, letting Cas play by himself. He reached across Cas’s waist so that he had both arms wrapped around it and held Cas to him as Cas played. Dean rested his chin on Cas’s shoulder and sang, slowly and quietly.

But he meant every word.

Before they knew it the song was over, and Cas eased the guitar to the floor and twisted around, wrapping his arms around Dean and burying his face into Dean’s shoulder. Dean felt Cas’s shoulders shake slightly.

“Aww, did I make you cry?” Dean joked.

The muffled “No” didn’t sound reassuring at all, and Dean tightened his arms around Cas, pressing him to his chest. Without thinking, Dean’s hand immediately went to Cas’s head, and he absentmindedly started running his finger through Cas’s hair, feeling Cas melt into him.

Even with the comforting silence that surrounded them, Dean still almost didn’t hear it; the whisper of “I love you” that Cas breathed into his shoulder.

Feeling his heart grow almost three times bigger, Dean smiled against Cas’s hair. “I love you, too.”

The moment seemed to stretch forever and ever, but was cut off abruptly by a sound from outside.

A car’s engine.

Cas pulled back from Dean and Dean saw that his soulmate's eyes held too many emotions to make sense of. Love. Guilt. Sympathy. And fear.

They turned their heads towards the sound of keys in a lock, and Dean wasn’t sure how he felt about the words that came out of Cas’s mouth.

“Mom’s home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I’m so so so so so so so SO SO SO sorry that this took me so long! But school is over, so maybe, hopefully, I might be able to update more. No promises tho. 
> 
> Idk why, but this chapter just gave me a lot of problems. I couldn’t seem to get into the flow of it and had some severe writer's block. Basically, I just had a tough time with it. If I’m being really, truly honest, I wouldn’t say that this was one of my best works. Personally, I don’t really like this chapter and I’m sorry if it wasn’t everything u guys hoped for. 
> 
> Small disclaimer: I don’t know anything about the guitar, so for any of you guitar players out there, if anything seems wrong to you plz lmk so I can fix it. Thnx


	18. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE

Hi guys!

So I'm going away on vacation to spend the week in Maine. I can't bring my laptop, and my phone access will be very limited there. I'll return on the fifth (I think) and have one day to do laundry and repack before I'm off to spend two more weeks at my grandparents' house in Pennsylvania. There I'll also not be able to bring my laptop and have limited phone time. I come back on July 17th.

Best case scenario, I try to squeeze in writing chapter 18 in that one day between vacations and will post it then. Worst case scenario, I'll post when I get back somewhere around July 18/19th.

Sorry to keep you guys waiting.

Ily <3


	19. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back!!! HELLO EVERYONE I MISSED YOU!!!!! A great big thank you to those that wished me a great vacation! Maine was awesome, although it was pretty cold and rainy. We rented a house that was right by the beach, and the view was amazing. Don’t even get me started on the sunsets. There were so many hermit crabs omg they were so cute (but terrifying at the same time). Having seafood for a week straight got kinda old though. But I doubt you want to hear about me rant about Maine, so without further ado, here is chapter 18 of It’s Not You! I hope you enjoy!

His mom was home.

Cas had mixed feelings about that particular fact. On one hand, of course he was happy and excited that his mother was home. After all, he had been looking forward to spending the winter holidays with her for months. But on the other hand, how was he supposed to tell her about what he and Dean had found out? How would she react?

Cas was terrified that his mom would never look at him the same way again. Absolutely terrified. What if she thought that Cas was afraid of her?

The time for thinking and worrying was brief as the front door was soon swinging open and Claire was stepping inside the house, bringing a cold gust of wind in behind her. Cas scrambled up off the couch as she set her luggage down in the foyer. She started unwrapping the scarf from around her neck, also taking off her coat and sighing in relief from the lack of weight.

Cas waited until she was done and as soon as her boots were off and she straightened back up he was launching himself at his mother, wrapping her in a hug. His mom smelled so incredibly familiar. Comforting. Like cookies and s’mores and clothes fresh out of the dryer. He loved it. He loved her.

And her voice. As soon as she breathed his name into his neck, Cas melted. Even though it had only been mere days since he’d last seen her, it had felt like years. 

But it was too soon that she was pulling away, smiling up at him as her eyes then went past him and caught onto Dean, who was leaning against the wall, softly smiling at the reunion in front of him. Cas grinned and stepped aside so that Claire could bustle her way past him and pull Dean down into a tight hug. Dean hadn’t been expecting that by the looks of it, and Cas almost laughed out loud at the shocked look on his soulmate’s face. But a split second later Dean was smiling again and wrapping his own arms around Claire.

“Merry Christmas, Claire,” Dean said as they pulled apart. “We were lost here without you.”

Claire gave him an amused look and patted his cheek. “Merry Christmas to you too boys. But I doubt you had too much trouble here. After all, the house is intact. You both are alive. What could possibly have gone wrong?” 

And as they all stooped down to pick up the luggage she brought in from the car, Cas exchanged a look with Dean. If only she knew.

Which she soon would.

Cas’s stomach flipped a bit at the thought of what was to come, but he plastered a grin onto his face and took one of the bags from his mom’s hands, insisting that he’s got it. “I bet you’re tired, mom. Dean and I’ll make dinner. You go rest a bit.”

“What about your presents?”

Cas smiled at her. “After dinner.”

“If you say so.” But as Claire turned away, Cas caught something on her face. He didn’t know how to place it. The only thing he could have possibly called it was dread.

“You okay, mom?”

Claire looked back up at him and smiled, the previous haunted gaze vanishing. Maybe he had just imagined it. “I’m just tired. Don’t worry about me.” And with that, Claire gave them one last, adoring look before making her way upstairs. They could hear the shower turn on, and soon, his mother’s off-key singing filled the house.

Rolling his eyes, Cas set out to help Dean unpack some of the luggage. All of the dirty laundry they immediately put into the washing machine, and the various books and pens they brought up to her rooms.

“Your mom’s really bad at singing,” Dean whispered under his breath to Cas as they walked past the bathroom, which was radiating the wrong notes and tunes of Jingle Bell Rock. Cas rolled his eyes. “Tell me about it. Sometimes, it sounds like someone’s strangling a cat with a severe case of bronchitis.” At Dean’s amused laugh, Cas’s eyes widened. “Don’t you dare tell her I said that.”

Dean smiled devilishly. “Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it, angel.”

Pointing an accusing finger at his soulmate, Cas threatened, “No, I mean it, Dean. One word about that to her, and you’ll be the one that’s getting strangled.”

Dean laughed again, and Cas firmly decided that if Dean even breathed in Claire’s direction with the intent of telling her what Cas had said, he would make sure that Dean never saw the light of day again.

Future plans of revenge were soon forgotten though as the boys stared down at an empty kitchen.

“So,” Dean started, opening the fridge. “Nothings changed, has it? We still only have leftovers?”

Cas mentally kicked himself. Of course nothing changed. He and Dean hadn’t gone to the store after their trip to IHOP, and the few meager pancakes wouldn’t nearly be enough for a full dinner.

“What do you want to do?” Dean asked, closing the fridge and not even bothering to open other cabinets to see if they contained anything dinner-worthy. “If you want, I can make a quick trip to the store, get us the stuff we need. Or,” Dean offered, “We could always order take-out.”

Cas thought for a moment. His mother would be done in the shower in around twenty more minutes. That didn’t give them much time. Dean would only make it to the store by that time. Of course she could wait until he got back and they prepared dinner, but that would take too long. Take-out it was.

“Sushi?” Cas asked hopefully. He hadn’t had sushi in a while. In fact, the last time he’d had it was weeks back, when he was at college. Not unlike his preference of hamburgers, Cas only liked specific sushi. And so did his mom. Which made ordering all the more easy.

“Sure,” Dean shrugged, taking out his phone and going on the nearest sushi place’s website. Cas didn’t need to see the menu to know what he wanted. He always got the same rolls, as did his mother.

Dean seemed to have a harder time deciding. 

“There are hundreds of them here!” He gestured helplessly at the menu. “How am I supposed to choose one?” 

Cas smiled and gave the confused Dean an amused look. “Choose two then.” As if that solved his problems.

“That doesn’t help me whatsoever!”

Cas chuckled. He leaned over Dean’s shoulder to read the items on the menu. Reaching over, he pointed to one of them. “That one. The Godzilla Roll.”

“Should I get that one?”

“No. The opposite. Stay away from it.”

“Well gee, that really helps me narrow it down. Thanks a lot, Cas.”

Cas playfully hit Dean’s shoulder, but when Dean gave him an injured look, he smiled and leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek.

“You know what, whatever.” Dean grumbled. “What’s this one with?” He picked a random roll on the menu and skimmed through the ingredients. “Avocado. Sure. Fish? What type of fish is this?” Before Cas could answer, Dean raised a hand to cut him off. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll get it anyway.”

And half an hour later Claire was coming down the stairs just as the doorbell rang with their delivered order. Paying the shivering delivery man, Cas took the bag into his hand and kept the wallet in the other, shutting the door behind him with his foot. He didn’t mention the fact that he lost his balance and almost went crashing down onto the floor with their food.

He set the bags down on the table, taking out the boxes and chopsticks, setting them before each person. Dean warily eyed the mess of a roll before him. Taking the chopsticks into his hands, Dean gave his roll a suspicious poke. Looking up at Cas, Dean asked cautiously, “Are you sure this is what I ordered?”

“I don’t know Dean,” Cas laughed and sat down before his own rolls, which beckoned him to eat them. “What did you order?”

“Do you think I remember?” Dean mumbled, and Cas and his mother laughed.

Patting Dean’s hand, Claire grinned at him. “If you don’t like it, you can always have some of mine.”

Dean gratefully looked at her before his gaze turned to Cas, who already had his chopsticks in hand and whose first roll was halfway to his mouth. “Don’t you look at me, Dean. You’re not getting any of my food.”

Dean stuck his tongue out at Cas, who did the same before stuffing his face full of food. Claire followed, cramming as much of her salmon into her mouth as she could. Dean was left staring helplessly at the monstrosity in front of him. He picked one up and examined it from all sides, as if checking to see if anyone had rigged a bomb to it. Determining that it was safe, he put it into his mouth.

Cas and Claire looked on in anticipation as he chewed and then swallowed. His face remained impassive for a moment, then it split into a grin. “This is actually pretty good. I don’t know what the hell it is, but it’s really good.”

They all laughed and dug in, silence filling the room as they focused on their food.

The silence didn’t last long, because soon, Claire began fidgeting, throwing them nervous glances, and Cas had to know what was wrong. “Mom, are you sure everything is ok?” So maybe he hadn’t imagined the look she had on her face before she had gone to shower. 

Claire sighed. “Boys, I have to tell you something.”

Cas froze, and from the looks of it, so did Dean. Did something happen to Gabe? To Sam? There had been plans that they would spend New Years together with Sam and Gabe. Were those plans off? Did something else come up?

Claire seemed to shrink in on herself. Oh, this was bad. Did something bad happen at work? What if she got fired?

Seeming to just want to get it over with in one, big breath, Claire braced herself before blurting out, “Dean, I’m the nurse that messed up the medications for your mother.”

Oh.

There was a moment of silence. Nobody moved.

Then, Cas and Dean stole a glance at each other and, seeing the look on the other’s face, burst out laughing. It would have been a momentary thing if only they hadn’t then looked at Claire’s face, which, with it’s shocked and horrified appearance, sent them into another fit of laughter. 

Cas didn’t think he’d laughed that hard since the time that they had their whole Soulmate Screw Up thing back in October. But now he was cackling just as uncontrollably as he did that day, if not more. Because this really was hilarious. The thing that he had dreaded telling his mother for days had been the very thing that she had been dreading to tell him. As if he didn’t know everything already. 

Dean seemed to find this situation just as hysterical, and had now almost fallen out of his chair with the wheezes of laughter that were coming out of him.

The only person that seemed to find the entire ordeal unamusing was Claire, who was sitting rooted to her chair, an expression of utmost bafflement and terror slapped onto her face. She was looking between the laughing boys as if they had suddenly gone insane. But who could blame her? She had just confessed to being the one that deprived Dean of a mother, and instead of the expected reaction of shock and anger, she had gotten cackles and howls of laughter.

“That was the last thing I was expecting,” Dean managed to get out amid cackles. “Tell us something we don’t know.”

If anything, Claire looked more confused. “What? But I don’t-”

Regaining his ability to form complete sentences without breaking into fits of laughter, Cas cleared his throat. “We already knew that, mom.” Before she could say anything else, Cas launched into an explanation. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about on the phone. We found Mary Winchester’s files in our basement, and so we tried calling you so that you could tell us if you were the nurse assigned to her. But,” Cas gave Dean a guilty look before continuing. “We couldn’t get ahold of you, so we assumed the worst and got into a fight.” Seeing the wide-eyed look of worry on Claire’s face, Cas quickly added, “But it’s ok now. It wasn’t even that big. We’re ok. I promise.”

There was a brief moment of silence.

Claire smiled. “Well then, that just makes my job a hell of a lot easier.” She visibly deflated, the stress seeping out of her. It was obvious that she hadn’t been looking forward to breaking the news to them after- after what?

“Wait, mom, why did you decide to tell us this now?” Cas asked.

“Your brothers, that’s why.”

Cas and Dean shared a look. Sam and Gabe knew? How had they found out? Did they have a fight as well?

“You know that amulet that Gabe only wears on special occasions?” Claire directed the question at Cas, who nodded. “I never told you boys this, but it belonged to Mary Winchester.” Cas heard Dean suck in a breath. “She gave it to me as a thank you gift of sorts. Something I can remember her by. And when he was a kid, Gabe loved it. He’d always steal it from me and I’d catch him wearing it around the house. I don’t really know why. He was a strange kid.” Cas snorted in agreement. That was an understatement. “So I gave it to him with the promise that he wouldn’t lose it because it was very important. And then he started wearing it on holidays and to parties and such. And so he wore it on Christmas. And Sam recognized it.”

Dean looked like he was thinking, then interrupted Claire. “Would this amulet look like some type of weird face with horns on it? Maybe a bronze color?”

Claire nodded.

“In all of the pictures of my mom I’ve seen, she always wears it.” Dean said. “No wonder Sammy recognized it.”

Giving him a small smile, Claire continued. “Gabe couldn’t remember how he got it, so he and Sam decided to call me. To ask me if I knew a Mary Winchester. I said I did. And it all escalated from there.” Cas and Dean both winced. They had wanted to keep it a secret from Sam and Gabe for this specific reason. So that they wouldn’t cause any rifts between them. But unfortunately, it couldn’t have been avoided. 

“After a lot of accusations and, I’ll admit, a little screaming, I explained everything and they understood. That’s when we decided that you both had to know as well.”

Dean snorted. “The irony. When we found out, all of us decided that Sam and Gabe didn’t have to know.”

Claire’s brow furrowed. “‘All of us’?”

And so Cas and Dean told her more specifically the story of how they found out. From how Cas was upset after she left, to them going to the basement to look at photo albums, to the spilling of the files (Claire had them swear that they put all the files back in order), to the broken record, and to Dean storming off to his father’s, coming back the next day with apologies and presents.

“It seems as if your boys’ break wasn’t as boring as I had thought it was,” Claire said at the end. “I leave you two alone for one day and this is what you do.”

Cas and Dean both gave her their guiltiest looks. They hadn’t meant to cause so much trouble. But, if it made him feel better, Cas did admit that even if they hadn’t had their argument, they still would have found out the truth sooner or later. Even if sooner had come a little too quick for his liking.

Claire suddenly gasped. “Speaking of presents, I have some for you two.” She shot out of her chair and quickly flew up the stairs and into her room. Cas too, had gifts to give, and he also rose from the table. Instead of going up the stairs, though, he went down, and into the basement. Next to the place where he had hid Dean’s presents were Claire’s, and Cas grabbed them and padded back up to the dining room, where he saw Dean and Claire already there, presents in tow.

Dropping into his seat, he slid his gift across the table to Claire. “Merry Christmas, mom.” A present came sliding back to rest between him and Dean. “Merry Christmas, boys.”

They watched her open their presents first.

Rustling and crinkling filled the room as she unwrapped Dean’s present for her. Her face filled with adoration as she removed a salmon pink, painstakingly knit hat from its wrappings. It was obviously made by Dean. There were loose ends sticking up in places, and the pattern was a little uneven, but Cas knew just how long Dean had spent on it.

Dean looked somewhat bashful as he watched. There was no doubt that he was nervous. “I know how much you like knitting,” he said quietly, “so I decided to try my hand at it. I know it’s not the best, but…”

But Claire obviously loved it. She immediately pulled it over her head and struck a pose for them. “How do I look?”

Cas laughed. “You look as great as always, mom.”

She beamed at him, and then at Dean, who was practically glowing with relief. She gave him a wink. “If you ever want me to teach you some tricks of the trade, you just let me know.”

Dean grinned. “I’d like that.”

Next was Cas’s present.

Claire gave the soft package a curious look as she stripped it of its paper. She let out a small gasp as she pulled out a onesie. It was bright red, and was peppered with small reindeer heads. The hood had antlers on it, and when Cas had seen it at the store, he had immediately known that it would be perfect for his mother.

“Oh, I love it, Cas.” She whispered, examining it from all directions. Her face lit up when she saw the sewed in Claire Novak on the left breast pocket. 

“Dean helped me with that,” Cas admitted. “I suck at sewing.”

Claire instantly excused herself to go put it on, and when she came back, both Cas and Dean barely held onto their laughter. 

“And that’s not even the best part,” Claire’s eyebrows rose at Cas’s words. “I got one for each of us. Including Sam and Gabe. So that we could all be matching on New Years. Kinda like in those magazines where the entire family has a matching onesie set.”

Dean hadn’t been on board right away with that idea, but after lots and lots of pestering on Cas’s part, he had finally relented. And it was a good thing, too, because Dean looked absolutely adorable in a onesie.

Cas didn’t think Claire's smile could get any bigger, but as soon as he was done talking, it proved him wrong. 

He and Dean both received lung-crushing hugs from his mother, as well as way too many cheek kisses.

But now it was their turn. Unwrapping the paper around their gift, Cas and Dean both let out exclamations of surprise at the sight of what was inside. It was a box. A puzzle box, to be exact. And on the cover was a picture collage of them. No wonder his mom had taken so many photos. 

There was one of them cuddling on the couch. Another had them kissing under the mistletoe. Others depicted them outside, making snow angels or building snowmen. 

There were dozens of them, all arranged perfectly.

They opened the box and were met with hundreds of puzzle pieces that no doubt organized themselves to make that collage on the cover of the box.

“How did you-?” Dean got out, picking up puzzle piece after puzzle piece, as if to make sure they were real.

Obviously enjoying their surprise, Claire grinned. “I have my ways.”

Then it was Cas and Dean’s turn to wrap Claire in hugs, although they refrained from giving her too many cheek kisses.

“Let’s build it now?” Cas suggested, glancing at Dean for approval. His soulmate nodded, and they were about to leave for the living room when Claire stopped them with a stern look. She gestured at the still messy table, and the boys sheepishly put the puzzle down and started helping clear the table.

Claire insisted on doing the dishes this time, and shooed them away to go do the puzzle.

They pushed the half-built Death Star aside and decided to focus on making the puzzle. But, seconds before spilling all of the pieces onto the floor, Dean snapped his fingers and his eyes brightened. “Fort! We should totally build a fort!”

“A fort? Here?” Cas hadn’t built one of those in years. Not since he was still in elementary school. But back then, the forts could be small and he’d still be able to fit in them. He didn’t know how they would both manage to squeeze themselves into one now.

But Dean was fully confident in his fort-building abilities and nodded. “And then we can make the puzzle in the fort!” And the excited gleam in Dean’s eyes flushed all of Cas’s doubts away as they began assembling a fort.

Dean was in charge, that much was obvious. He’d point at the coffee table and gesture at Cas, who took it as an order to move it in the direction that Dean motioned at. He instructed Cas to get as many blankets as possible, as well as pillows and chairs. While Cas was getting the materials, Dean was pushing couches together and lugging chairs from halfway across the house. 

And when Cas returned with armfuls of blankets and pillows, Dean slipped a pillow from the pile and swung it at Cas’s head, prompting a pillow fight. 

You would think that these were two five year olds instead of students at college age.

Claire had bustled in at one point to see what the noise was about. At the sight of the LEGO Death Star sitting on the floor in the middle of their playful battle, she had shrieked that they immediately move it away, out of harm’s reach.

The pillow fight turned into a wrestling match, and the boys rolled around on the floor, trying to pin the other to the ground, crashing into most of the objects that were positioned as the inner structure of the fort. Cas had almost succeeded once, having tickled Dean into submission and trapped his arms to his sides, he was seconds away from announcing victory when Dean had heaved himself upward and turned them over so that their positions were reserved. He grinned fiendishly and straddled Cas’s waist, pinning his arms to the ground with his hands. Cas struggled against him but resistance was futile. 

“I win,” Dean declared and leaned forward, lowering his voice to a whisper. “What’s my prize?”

Cas stuck his tongue out at him and tried bucking Dean off but the older boy held fast, only leaning down more and more until their noses almost touched. They didn’t move for a moment, savoring the closeness. And then Dean’s soft lips were pressing onto his own, moving slow and sweet. Cas relaxed into the touch, kissing Dean back with such love and affection that his head swam. 

Dean loosened his grip on Cas’s wrists, bringing one hand to Cas’s head before running it through the messy hair there. Cas took the opportunity to lunge forward and flip them over, this time pinning Dean to the floor and pinning his arms to the ground, using Dean’s own previous position against him.

Cas beamed down at the struggling Dean. “Guess you don’t win after all.”

But then Dean wormed his hand out of Cas’s grip and pulled Cas down, their lips meeting again. This kiss was just as sweet as the last one, more even. It was sunshine and snow angels and Christmas trees and songs on the guitar. 

It was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I mentioned in the update I am leaving again, this time for two weeks. Again, I won’t be able to post anything during that time so you guys will have to wait a bit for the next chapter. Spoiler alert! It will have Sam and Gabe in it! Get excited!


	20. Last Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say for myself. I hope you enjoy :)

December 31

Gabe and Sam were late. Which was nothing surprising really, as Gabe had seemingly decided from an early age that being on time was “lame” and it was best to “leave everyone in suspense.” But if Dean was being honest, their lateness was leaving him in more annoyance than suspense.

The boys were supposed to arrive at half past five, but now the hour hand was nearing the seven and there was still no sign of them. Which meant a few things. First and foremost it meant that the food was getting cold. All that smoking hot pork and the seasoned fish and the pie straight out of the oven. It was all slowly but surely going cold, and Dean knew from years of experience that food is so much better hot than when it’s cold.

The second thing that Sam and Gabe’s lateness meant was that both Claire and Cas would not stop rearranging everything. The decorations in the living room had changed places at least thrice, and the plates on the dining room table seemed to switch positions every time Dean looked. Both mother and son were bustling about, fixing and refixing and then changing back anything they could get their hands on, and it was driving Dean crazy.

But despite what they thought, everything was perfect already. It sure beat spending New Years in a run down motel with only the stains from unknown liquids on the walls as company. This New Year Dean Winchester had a soulmate. And if that already wasn’t enough to make this New Years perfect, then Dean didn’t know what would.

Dean checked his watch again. Then peered out the window. Still no sign of the others.

Claire’s shrill voice had Dean glancing over this shoulder. “Cas, I thought I told you that you should switch the wreath in the living room with the one in the hallway!” Dean smiled and shook his head as the sounds of Cas’s rushed steps echoed in the house. That particular wreath had moved around the house so much in the past hour, Dean couldn’t even remember where its original place was.

He turned back around to check outside again. Nothing.

“Dean, where do you think this should go?”

Dean turned around. Cas was standing in the doorway to the living room, shifting from foot to foot, holding up a garland of stars. Dean winced as he recognized it as the same one that had previously been hanging above the fireplace. 

“Cas, you know you could have just left it there. You’ve rehung that thing at least five times now, and every time you do it, it looks no different than it did before.”

Cas smiled sheepishly and let out a small breath. “I know, I just want everything to be perfect.” Then in a quieter voice, continued, “I know you and Sam haven’t had many good New Years, and I just… I don’t know.”

Dean’s heart almost melted. He didn’t know what he ever did to deserve someone like Cas. 

Either way, that didn’t stop him from enveloping Cas in a soft hug, crushing the garland between them. Cas wheezed out a sound of complaint, but Dean could tell that he was smiling. Pressing a kiss to Cas’ forehead, Dean smiled. “Everything is already perfect.”

Cas blushed and Dean couldn’t help but duck his head down and press his lips to Cas’s. The garland digging into his ribs was forgotten as he brought his hands to Cas’s waist, pulling him closer. Cas tasted like peppermint and hot chocolate and Dean loved it.

“Boys? Boys, have either of you seen my camera? I could have sworn I left it in here-”

Dean didn’t have to look up to know that Claire had walked into the room and was now standing there, beaming at them. It had happened enough times over the past few days. All Dean or Cas had to do was smile at the other and Claire would transform into a giggling schoolgirl, always content to “witness the cuteness,” as she liked to call it.

Dean wasn’t going to lie, sometimes he liked it when Claire mooned over them. Other times it was a little creepy. Cas obviously felt the same, and he pulled away from Dean to shoot his mother an exaggerated glare. Dean’s hands slipped from Cas’s sides as they both took a step back, smiling softly. 

“I haven’t seen your camera,” Dean said, and couldn’t help but add, “And wasn’t this garland already hanging above the fireplace? Does it really have to be moved again?”

Claire seemed to consider it for a moment until Cas pointed to the window sill. “Maybe we could hang it there?”

Two heads swiveled towards the spot he was pointing to and two noses immediately wrinkled at the same time. “No, absolutely not,” Claire stated. Cas looked like he was about to say something but Dean interrupted. “We already established from the tree decorating disaster that you should not be trusted with decorating things, so it’s best if you listen to the professionals and don’t argue. So go put that back above the fireplace.”

Cas huffed a breath but did as he was told, shuffling out the room. 

Claire smiled warmly at Dean, who took a quick look down at his watch again. Sam and Gabe were so very very late and the very last thing Dean needed was for Sam to make a bad impression on Claire.

The sound of a backfiring car cut through the air. Speak of the devil.

Dean glanced out of the window in time to see a beat up sedan pulling into the driveway of the Novak house. Finally. The snowflakes swirled in flurries and patterns outside, and Dean could tell from the effort it took Sam to heave the car door open that the wind was strong. Thankfully it was warm inside the house.

Dean looked down and gave himself a once over. Sweater? Check. Clean pair of pants? Check. Fuzzy Christmas socks that were a present from Cas? Check.

He was ready.

The same couldn’t be said for the two Novaks in the house, as they were dashing from room to room, straightening everything they could find and making sure everything was in tip top shape to be presentable to guests. Dean rolled his eyes but didn’t interrupt. It was best if he let them do their thing.

The frenzy stopped the instant the doorbell rang. It was like the calm before the storm. Or, well, the calm after one storm and before another.

The three of them made a bee-line for the door and Dean just had enough time to interlace his fingers with Cas’s and give them a squeeze before the door was swinging open and two shivering boys were piling into the house.

Dean felt his face light up as he saw his little brother for the first time in weeks. Sam had grown taller, if that was even possible, and Dean had to crane his neck even higher to get a good look at him. Over the winter break, Sam had gotten thinner. Was Gabe even feeding him at all?

Speaking of Gabe, the older Novak son was swept into what looked like a bone crushing hug by his mother as soon as he stepped through the door. Both Dean and Cas chuckled as Claire pulled back and Gabe schooled his previously grinning face into one of mock annoyance as Cas informed him that he was an hour and a half late, to which Gabe responded, “An awesome person is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to,” He wagged his eyebrows. “Miss me?”

Claire beamed at Gabe and kissed him on the cheek. “You know I did, sweetie.” Gabe stepped around her to hug Cas, leaving Sam standing in front of Claire. Dean didn’t miss the way Sam’s eyes had glazed over with envy at the interaction between Gabe and his mother. Neither Winchester had had anything like that, and not for the first time, Dean was proud that Claire had stepped up to the plate. He couldn’t have asked for a better mother if he tried.

“Look at what the cat dragged in,” Claire teased as she sized Sam up, hands on her hips. Dean smirked when Sam’s face flushed red under the scrutiny. “We haven’t met in person yet so I’m Claire, and I’d prefer it if you called me that. None of the ‘Mrs.’ and ‘Ms.’ business around here.” Sam nodded. Barely. 

Claire beamed. “Now let’s have a look at you.” Hands still on her hips, she walked in a circle around Sam. Then another one. 

Sam was shifting from foot to foot, obviously not used to being checked out by forty year old ladies Gabe could see it, too, and he grumbled, “Mom c’mon leave my poor soulmate alone. What were you, a vulture in the past life?”

Claire pointedly ignored her son, stopping directly in front of Sam and lifting her hands to cup his face. “You’re pretty. Your eyes are gorgeous, too and oh, would you look at this hair!” It was possible that Sam’s face invented a new shade of red as Claire patted his hair a few times.. 

“I approve,” she winked at Gabe and turned away, but not before giving Sam a firm slap on the ass. Dean couldn’t hold back the laugh that bubbled out from his mouth as Sam almost shot into the ceiling with surprise. Now that would have made for good blackmail material if Dean had gotten that on camera.

Dean felt Cas lean forward and he shivered as Cas’s mouth brushed his ear. “Don’t be too amused, Dean. You looked even more hilarious the first time she did that to you.” Dean’s eyes widened but Cas just stuck his tongue out at him. Before he could do anything in retaliation, there were strong arms around him and he was getting crushed to the flannel-clad chest of his brother.

Dean had missed the sasquatch, not that he was ever going to admit to it. And although he loved the peppermint scent that coated Cas and everything around him, Dean relaxed as soon as he was met with the familiar Sam-smell of home.

“Good to see you, man,” came Sam’s voice above him. Too far above, Dean thought. Pulling back and making a show of craning his head up, Dean raised a hand as if he was shielding his eyes from the sun.

“Sam? Is that you up there?”

Sam snorted a laugh. “Ha ha, Dean, very funny.” Dean was about to open his mouth to say something else but Sam beat him to it. “Dean, I swear to god if you ask me how the weather is up here, I will step on you.” 

“Oh I don’t need to ask you how the weather is, Sammy. I already know.” Dean wagged his eyebrows. “Shaggy with a chance of nair.”

This drew a chuckle out of Gabe and a mockingly threatening glare from Sam, who clapped him on the shoulder before moving past him and pulling Cas into a hug. Dean in turn offered Gabe a hand, and may or may not have been scarred for life when Gabe spit in his palm first before grasping Dean's, giving it a firm shake. 

Dean heard an exasperated sigh from Cas, along with a mumble that went along the lines of, “why do you have to be this way.” Gabe only grinned up at him wickedly.

Dean was saved from any more traumatic experiences for the moment when Claire bustled back into the room, arms full of presents.

“Look what I’ve got, boys!”, she crooned as she stretched the presents out to Sam and Gabe. Cas smiled, “Mom, at least let them take off their coats first.”

Giving them an exaggerated pout, Claire nodded. “I’ll be in the living room then. Hurry up now.” She left and the boys exchanged smiles. Sam and Gabe started unwrapping themselves from the multiple layers of clothes they had on, and Cas used the time to dart upstairs to retrieve his and Dean’s presents for their brothers.

Dean, meanwhile, was left alone for a few minutes with Sam and Gabe, and he was eternally amused with the events taking place. Gabe had whipped off his snow-covered hat and decided to whack Sam in the face with it, which evoked a yelp and a swat on the arm. And for payback, Sam decided that while Gabe was reaching up to hang his coat up by the door, he would slip his freezing cold hands under Gabe’s shirt. Dean stifled a laugh at the totally manly sound that left Gabe’s mouth. 

They were bickering and insulting each other at every opportunity, but Dean could tell that his younger brother was happy. 

Good. He deserved it.

Cas could be heard padding down the stairs and Dean turned away from the two soulmates at the door, heading into the living room. Before he could leave, though, he felt Sam’s hand on his shoulder. Dean turned back around, seeing Sam leaning forward so that their faces were almost touching. “Umm, Sam?”

Sam lowered his voice to a whisper, his eyes searching Dean’s face. “Do you know about mom…” 

Oh.

Dean tried to ignore the guilty twinge in his gut, and nodded, patting Sam’s hand. “I know.”

Sam gave him a firm nod and squeezed his shoulder before letting Dean make his way to the living room. Claire was already there, leisurely spread out over one of the armchairs. Cas came in and shot Dean a smile as he tossed one of the wrapped presents to Dean, who caught it effortlessly. 

They were each settling down on one end of the couch when Sam and Gabe came in. Gabe let out a low whistle as he beheld the decorated Christmas tree. “Who decorated that bad boy? I know it definitely wasn’t Cas, because my little brother has no sense of coordination whatsoever.”

Cas’s indignant huff was barely heard over Claire’s laugh and Dean’s cry of triumph. “You have me to thank for the tree. If I hadn’t stepped in when I did, both of you would have gone blind by now from the ugliness of it.”

“Hey! It didn’t look that bad!” Cas protested. “Tell them, mom. It wasn’t that bad, really.”

Claire gave Cas a sympathetic look. “Oh, honey. You’re giving yourself too much credit. That thing was atrocious.”

“Wonderful,” Cas mumbled. “Now you’ve turned my own mother against me.”

Gabe cackled as he and Sam dropped to sit down on the rug before the fireplace, presents in hand. “Looks like somebody’s grumpy.”

Cas glared at him. “Looks like somebody needs to shut the fuck up.”

Gabe laughed again, this time everyone else with him. 

Dean leaned over to Cas and whispered, “You’re cute when you’re mad.” Cas tried and failed to hold back a grin and he shoved Dean’s shoulder lightly.

Now it was time for gift giving. 

Dean was excited to see what Sam got him, although he could probably survive without knowing what Gabe had bought for him. With his luck, it would be a porn magazine or something.

He didn’t have to wait long, though, because soon Sam was standing in front of him with two presents in hand: one from him and one from Gabe. Dean swapped them with his gifts, eager to see Sam’s reaction as the taller boy folded himself back onto the floor.

Dean ripped open Gabe’s present first to, as they say, “rip the bandaid off”. But what greeted him wasn’t some deformed stuffed animal or jar of his own hair. It was an AC/DC shirt. Not that Dean didn’t already have a few of those, but then again, too much AC/DC isn’t a thing. He unfolded it to get a better look but something that had been tucked into the shirt fell out onto his lap.

He knew it would be in there somewhere. Laying on his lap, staring up at him, was a fresh copy of a porn magazine. Dean felt his face flush.

“Hey, don’t look at me pal,” Gabe’s voice filtered up to him from the floor. “Sam was the one that told me your little hobby.”

Now it was Sam’s turn to flush. 

Rolling his eyes and setting the porn magazine and t-shirt aside, Dean started unwrapping Sam’s gift. It was fairly large, but wasn’t heavy. As piece after piece of wrapping paper peeled away, Dean racked his brain, trying to think of possible gifts that Sam would have given him.

His breath almost caught in this throat as he opened the box. It was magnificent. That was the only word that could be used to describe it. Magnificent. Well, that and perfect. 

Dean raised his head and locked eyes with Sam, who was beaming at his big brother with a two by two foot LEGO Hogwarts set in his hands. Dean had gotten the idea from his own LEGO gift, and knew that Sam would be just as ecstatic to receive one as Dean had been.

“Dean, what is it? What’d he get you?” Cas nudged Dean with his foot and Dean threw all the wrapping aside, revealing the huge, rainbow slinky that now sat proudly in his lap. He pretended to ignore Gabe’s choked laugh. 

“A rainbow slinky?” Cas asked, as if making sure Dean was aware of what the object was and of how childish it sounded. “I didn’t know you had a thing for them.”

“I love slinkies.” Period.

Cas chuckled. “Okay. I guess you learn something new every day. Like maybe the fact that your leather-jacket-and-heavy-metal soulmate has a soft spot for rainbow slinkies.” 

Dean grinned and brought his voice down low. “I also have a soft spot for a certain angel with dark hair and pretty blue eyes-”

“Alright, quit it you two. This is New Years, not a Hallmark movie,” Gabe interrupted, covering his ears. “You guys are disgusting.”

“Hmm, I don’t know Gabe,” Sam teased, poking Gabe in the ribs. “Maybe you wouldn’t think so if you also tried what they were doing. I think it’s called…” Sam made a show of thinking hard before saying, “Oh right, I think it’s something called affection, and it’s this thing where you’re nice to the person you care abou-”

“La la la! I can’t hear you!” Gabe sing-songed as he got to work on opening his own presents. Dean snorted. He could watch them go on and on for hours.

Unfortunately he didn’t get to because Gabe had discovered Claire’s wrapped gift for him of a stack of copies of the Weekly World, as well as definitely no less than ten pounds of candy. He let out a triumphant shout as he sorted through the magazines, immediately finding what Dean assumed was his favorite. “Aha! Yes! ‘An Alien Made Me It’s Love Slave’ and ‘Cannibal Madman Chainsaws Family’! That’s high quality literature right there,” Gabe declared as he started leafing through them. “Thanks, madre.”

Claire, pleased with herself that Gabe had liked her gift, smiled as she wagged a finger at him. “Just don’t go eating all that candy at once young man. I don’t want to be taking you into the ER on New Years.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Gabe waved her away, now engrossed in the weird articles, not even bothering to open Dean’s gift for him for the time being. Not that Dean minded. It wasn’t anything special. He had simply bought Gabe an ASIA keychain in memory of the argument about bands that they had back in the fall, as well as a Loki Funkopop, in light of Gabe’s apparent obsession with the Marvel character.

Dean looked over to see what Cas had gotten. The new ice-skates were obviously from Sam, because there was no way in hell that his little brother would have given Cas a mug shaped like a toilet, so that gift was obviously from Gabe. Cas was no doubt used to it as he laughed and threw Gabe his own present, which hit the older Novak in the face. He also tossed Sam’s over to him, and Gabe’s complaints were drowned out by the sound of ripping wrapping paper.

Sam’s, “Oh my god, this is so cute!” rang out at the same time as Gabe’s, “What the fuck is this?”

They both held out their customized matching onesies, Sam holding it close to his chest and Gabe holding the thing as far away from him as possible. If Dean didn’t know any better, he would have called the ambulance on Gabe with the constipated yet furious look on his face.

“Do you like it?” Cas asked hopefully. “I got us all matching pairs, so that we could all look like-” 

“An army of mentally insane second graders that are high on candy canes?” Gabe finished his sentence for him. “Well in that case, mission accomplished.”

Dean snorted. That was what he had thought of the idea at first, but Cas had been too hard to resist. Of course he hadn’t tried his onesie on yet, but he had a feeling that that would soon change.

“I love it Cas,” Sam was saying between wheezes of laughter. “This is amazing, really. Wait, can we put them on now?”

Cas shrugged, but Claire obviously thought that no better idea in the history of ideas had ever been made and nodded furiously. “You boys go do that and I’ll heat up the food. And also get my camera.” No surprise there.

Dean heaved himself off the couch, pulling Cas up with him. Sam and Gabe both groaned as they staggered to their feet from their position on the floor and the four boys made their way up the stairs. Cas and Dean turned into Cas’s room to change, while Dean grudgingly let Sam and Gabe use his room. Hopefully everything would be in one piece when he got back. 

It took Cas mere seconds to strip from his clothes and clamber into the onesie, but for Dean it was trickier than it looked. His foot would not go into the pant leg. It simply just refused to do so, and Dean was getting more frustrated by the second.

“The hell… Cas, Cas this stupid things isn’t working,” Dean almost growled out, trying to put the onesie on but to no avail. He only succeeded in losing balance on his remaining leg, and would have gone crashing to the floor if Cas hadn’t caught him in time, laughing. “Dean, what are you doing?”

“Trying to get this dumb thing on, what does it look like?”

“It looks like you’re trying to shove your foot into the arm sleeve.”

Dean froze. He looked down. Crap. 

Grumbling to himself, Dean untangled himself from the confusing piece of clothing and tried again, this time using the proper limbs for proper parts of the onesie. And when he had it zippered up and was looking at himself in the mirror, he had to admit, he looked pretty damn good. And to say nothing about Cas, who had walked up behind him in the mirror. In a onesie, Cas was probably the most adorable thing Dean had ever laid eyes on. His dark hair was ruffled and his body was small and cute and all Dean wanted to do was kiss him silly.

Cas seemed to have the same idea, as there was a hand on Dean’s shoulder, turning him around to face Cas, who slipped his arms around Dean’s neck and raised himself up on his tippy toes so that they level. “Shortass angel,” Dean murmured and with a kiss he silenced Cas’s indignant “Hey!”

Cas was a warm weight pressed up against him, and Dean almost melted when Cas let out a small noise of content as the kiss deepened. Time seemed to stop as their lips moved against each other, soft and addictive. Dean could do this forever.

But then Claire’s voice filtered through the door from the kitchen. “Boys, I’ve heated up the food. Come down to eat!”

Dean had almost forgotten all about the food that had gone cold hours ago. They probably should have saved their present opening until after dinner. It wouldn’t be as good as it was when it had been fresh, but Claire’s cooking was good nonetheless.

Cas and Dean pulled apart and twined their fingers together as they went out into the hallway. Sam and Gabe were in the room all the way down the hall, and judging by the fact that they were still in there, they hadn’t heard Claire’s call. They walked over and knocked on the door, relaying Claire’s message. 

A few seconds too long later the door was swinging open and Sam and Gabe were walking out into the hall, Sam’s hair disheveled and Gabe still in the process of pulling on his onesie. Dean snorted. “Did we interrupt something?” Sam blushed but Gabe flipped him off. “Mind your own beeswax, amigo.” Dean heard Cas chuckle behind him.

They shuffled down the stairs to find Claire, also in her onesie, ready at the table with her camera. She gestured for everyone to sit, then brought the camera up. “Smile!” Dean leaned in closer to Cas and intertwined their fingers under the table, beaming at the camera. 

()()()()

“Let’s play charades!” It was a random request by Sam after dinner, but who was going to deny him when it was a great one?

Shrugging in agreement, they all piled into the living room, everyone but Sam dropping to sit somewhere as the tallest member in the house took a second to think about what he was going to act out.

Then the show began.

Sam first pointed his index fingers and lifted them up to rest his hands on top of his head. This prompted Gabe to screech out, “Antelope!”

Sam looked slightly offended at that but tried again, this time drawing an arrow through the air and then pointing to his butt. “Stripper!” Again Gabe. Sam shook his head. He then put on what Dean could only call his ‘Best Evil Grin’ as he attempted to draw a pitchfork in midair.

“Aquaman!” was the next guess, this one still from Gabe. Sam looked exasperated. He shook his head and made the pointy horns again, twisting his face into a snarl. 

“The devil!” Cas called out. Sam nodded, finally relaxing and letting out a breath.

“The devil?” Gabe asked incredulously as Sam went to go sit down. “What? That’s the stupidest way I’ve ever seen him being acted out. You looked more like a constipated deer than Satan.” Sam laughed and playfully wacked Gabe on the arm before sitting next to him and putting an arm around his shoulder.

“Your turn Cas!”

Cas sighed and went up in front of them, taking a moment to think. He pursed his lips, concentrating, and Dean found himself staring at Cas’s mouth, tracing the lines of his lips with his eyes. 

Cas’s face lit up as he thought of something. He put on a face of concentration, hands immediately beginning to flit around, making random shapes. Nobody moved as they all stared at him in confusion.

Cas sighed. He tried again, this time acting like his arm was some extension of his butt and jabbing it around. 

There was a moment of silence.

“The fuck was that?” Gabe furrowed his brows. “A cat on steroids?”

Cas shook his head, thinking again, and running a hand through his hair. Again, Dean found himself following the motion with his eyes, watching how the dark strands parted and fell back around to frame Cas’s face. 

Cas tried again.

And again.

And it must have been a full ten minutes of trying, first making bird wings (but it wasn’t a bird), and then him hopping around pretending that he had wings (again, not a bird).

Finally, he gave up. 

“It’s a bee,” he sighed, shoulders slumping forward in defeat. A chorus of ‘Ohhhhhh’s answered him and he shook his head sadly. “Was that really so hard?”

“Uh, yeah, when you were moving your hands around like you’d just been tasered,” Gabe commented. 

Cas rolled his eyes and huffed out a breath. “I was trying to show you guys that I had a stinger. Could you not tell? You know what, whatever. Since nobody guessed it, I’ll just choose who goes next. Dean.”

Dean picked himself up off the couch and went to stand in front of the room, already planning out his great performance. Except, nobody else thought that it was great when they spent twenty minutes trying and failing to get it right until Claire finally realized that Dean was acting out his Baby.

But Gabe had to take the record time spent acting something out with his imitation of a man-eating cow. It had taken them a ridiculous amount of time to try and figure that one out, and by the time they were done, both Gabe and the others were exhausted. Someone then suggested a movie, and they all turned off the lights and cuddled in close on the couches, watching the movie but still counting the minutes until it would be the new year.

()()()()()

“Change the channel Mom, or else we’re going to miss the Ball Drop!” Cas almost shrieked as Claire fumbled with the remote and finally turned the tv on. They all let out a breath at the sight of the still stationary glittering ball.

“Pour the champagne! Pour the champagne! Shit, where’d my glass go?” Gabe hollered.

In seconds the champagne was poured and they took their places around the living room, avidly watching the screen as they saw hundreds of New Yorkers crowded in Times Square. Dean, for one, would rather spend the holiday with a chosen few instead of dragging himself out into the freezing snowy outdoors to be crammed into a square with hundreds of moving bodies, excited and riled up. Dean was happy just where he was.

The countdown began.

Winchesters and Novaks chanted the numbers. Dean glanced sideways at Cas, and saw that his soulmate was already looking at him. They locked eyes. The numbers swirled around them, but Dean wouldn’t take his eyes off of Cas. He couldn’t take his eyes off of him.

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

“Happy New Year!” rang out like a bell.

And before Dean had time to react, Cas’s lips were pressed onto his own, warm and soft and perfect. He pulled Cas in, careful to balance the champagne glass in his hand, and slipped the other arm around Cas’s waist. Dean’s heart skipped a beat or three when Cas brought his hand up and tangled his fingers into Dean’s hair. The sounds from the tv as well as the cheers from Sam and Gabe and Claire were mere buzzing noises in the background. Dean only had eyes and ears for Cas.

Cas, who was smiling softly against Dean’s mouth. Who looked positively adorable in the Christmas onesie he was wearing. Who came into Dean’s life only a few months before and now all Dean wanted was to spend his entire life with him.

Out of all his twenty-something New Years, this one took first place.

Too soon, they were pulling away and raising their champagne glasses to toast. Sam and Gabe were smiling, and Dean noticed that Sam had his arm slung over Gabe’s shoulder, and Gabe had his around Sam’s waist. The shorter, pissier of the two didn’t seem to mind though, surprisingly. He was even smiling, although maybe that had something to do with the large amount of champagne he had consumed in the past few hours.

Either way, Dean and Cas exchanged ‘they’re-so-cute glances’ as they clinked their glasses with Sam’s and Gabe’s and drank. The champagne pleasantly fizzed in Dean’s mouth as he swallowed it down.

Claire was smiling as she snapped picture after picture of the boys, first toasting the New Year, then laughing at something Gabe had said about his ass looking the best in his onesie. She arranged them in front of the fireplace, all lined up in their matching onesies and probably looking like the cover of some Kohl's holiday magazine.

“You boys are the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Claire crooned, going through the pictures she had taken. “Sam, the onesie really makes your eyes stand out honey.” Sam blushed but thanked her with a smile. Dean could tell he was already warming up to her. Claire put the camera down on the coffee table and continued, “So do you boys know what your New Year's resolutions are?” 

Cas nodded right away, and so did Gabe. Dean hadn’t really made any resolutions for himself this year. At least, not that he knew about. Everything was perfect already, so why would he wish for something to change?

Sam also nodded, and Claire waved her hand at him, as if asking him to go first. “My New Year’s resolution is to try to get an internship at a lawyer firm by the end of the school year. Some of my friends have one and they’re really liking it, so-”

“Nerd!” Gabe cupped his hands around his mouth and called out the word, earning himself a smack from Sam. Gabe stuck his tongue out at him and then cleared his throat, declaring, “My New Year’s resolution is to learn how to play the kazoo.”

Cas and Dean both choked on their champagne. “A kazoo?” Sam asked incredulously. “Is that it? Nothing about improving yourself or, I don’t know, getting taller?”

“Fuck you, Winchester,” Gabe flipped Sam off. “A) There’s nothing to improve. I’m perfect. And B) I don’t need to get taller. You just need to get shorter you genetic freak.”

Dean snorted at that, and couldn’t help but agree with that last part. Sam was too tall for his own good. He couldn’t count the number of times that Sam had taken something from him and the only reason Dean couldn’t get it back was because Sam had held it far above his head, where Dean had no hope of reaching it.

It was Claire’s turn now. “Hmmm, let’s see, my New Year’s resolution is that I’ll try and be home more often over the holidays. I know I’m away from home a lot, and I don’t want a repeat of what happened this year, do I?”

That put a little damper on the mood as Dean and the others were reminded of the fights that had taken place while Claire had been away, as well as the near catastrophic almost-break ups that had occurred. Dean avoided Cas’s gaze, the guilt over their fight freshly riled up in his gut. The things he’d said. And the broken record. 

Dean felt a pressure on his hand and looked down to where Cas had now laid his hand on top of Dean’s, lacing their fingers together. Cas spoke, “My New Year’s resolution is to learn all of Bruno Mars’s songs on the guitar.”

That meant more hours of being pressed close together, Cas leaning back against him and Dean guiding Cas’s fingers on the strings. That also meant kissing before, during, and after, which Dean was one hundred percent okay with.

“What about you, Dean? What’s your New Year’s resolution?” Cas asked.

Dean paused, not knowing what to say. He could go with a generic ‘Be a Better Person’, but that’d be boring. He could always say that his goal was to find a better paying job, but that wasn’t creative enough.

“Dean? Hello?” Cas waved a hand in front of Dean’s face. “Resolution?”

“Uh, yeah. Right,” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, brain racing to think of something. “My New Year’s resolution is… is to come up with a New Year’s resolution?”

Everyone laughed at that, but Sam poked him in the ribs. “C’mon Dean, for real. What’s something that you want to change about yourself in the next year?”

Dean huffed out a breath, still thinking.

Oh.

Oh.

“My New Year's resolution is to do whatever it takes to make the people I love happy.” Dean rose his gaze and his bright green eyes met Cas’s sapphire blue ones. He didn’t know how this college freshman managed to do it, but it seemed as if every time Dean looked at him, he fell depper and deeper in love with his smile and his dimples, his soft hair and his eyes that crinkled when he smiled.

Cas leaned forward, giving Dean a kiss and letting his forehead rest against Dean’s. “Have I told you that I love you lately?”

Dean smiled. “You could always tell me again.”

There were the sounds of Gabe making gagging noises in the background, but they didn’t care.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

And Dean Winchester realized that while he had never really cared for the last name ‘Novak’ on his wrist, it meant the world to him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this took me longer than expected. By a lot. I had some severe writer's block to say the least, and then school started and everything was crazy but HERE IT IS! the FINAL CHAPTER! and I HOPE YOU LIKED IT! because I SURE LOVED WRITING IT! Thank you so so much for everyone that left comments. You guys really made my day and I love you guys so much. This was one hell of a rollercoaster and I enjoyed every second of it. Thank you for reading and for sticking with me since the beginning. It means a lot to me <3


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